Help! I'm living to Long

The other night I was watching a current debate on social security. They were discussing the merits of moving the retirement age upward because I'm living too long. Anyone who thinks I'm living too long gets my attention in a hurry. I have little hope in knowing that those who have no need for social security are now entrusted with finding a remedy for those of us that do.

The debate concluded that moving the retirement age forward could extend Social Security until the next crisis. This is from the brightest minds in Washington. If I work until I'm seventy, subtract whats left from my current life expectancy, throw in the current rate of inflation and adjust for the rising cost of health care, my retirement will be reduced to three days in my back yard.

I would be less cynical, but, they brought this upon themselves. They've been feeding me preservatives for sixty years and now I won't die when I'm suppose too. I don't understand what the're so worried about anyway. The rise in health care alone will offset any gain in longevity. The cost of prescriptions in this country exceed the budget for most small countries. The claim forms for my reimbursement require two interpreters, three lawyers and a roulette wheel. If I manage to get through that maze they tell me my condition is pre existing. Of course it is! If it didn't exist I wouldn't have gone to a doctor. I don't need insurance to pay for something I haven't got!

Enduring this absurd debate was bad enough, but, I also weathered twenty one, alternating commercials from the Scooter Store, Cialis and Viagra. By the time the debate was over I wanted erectile dysfunction just so I could take the pill and happy like everyone in the ad.. Why is the Scooter Store splitting time with Cialis and Viagra? Try and paint a retirement picture from that scenario!

The inability of congress to fix Social security leaves me a bit suspicious. Is it coincidental that just before the baby boomers arrive, a government agency reversed the food pyramid. I'm ready to retire and all I can afford is carrots and lettuce. Boy, did they see me coming. We're going to live an extra ten years, but, we can't afford a pot and they're trying to feed me twenty pounds of fiber everyday. The pot at the end of my rainbow is filled with vegetable soup. AAA is pushing "See America on a Scooter" and congress has my Winnebago.

The problem with Social Security is that it has been robbing from Peter to pay Paul for too long. Now Peter needs his money and Paul is at Club Med in the Bahamas. What really irritates me is that Paul has my Pina Colada and I'm stuck with carrot juice. Regardless of the implications that this failed system has brought to bear upon my life, I peruse the market daily in hopes that viagra will do its magic on my limp 401.

I don't want the Government taking care of me and I certainly don't want them deciding when I should die. I don't like carrot juice and at my age, I don't need a four hour erection that can only get in the way when trying to operate a Scooter safely.

Personally, I think Congress and Viagra are in cahoots with each other. How else do you explain someone perpetually "sticking it to us" and then wearing a smile for four hours?