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Some Stuff I Never Got To Say
Some Stuff I Never Got To Say
Too many apologies,
For stuff that didn't matter;
But not a single "I am sorry"
When you'd left my heart 'a tatter.
"I love you, Mel, I love you"
'Til the words meant not a thing;
But when I said those words to you,
They might have just grown wings.
Your promises were just the same,
I can't think of one you kept;
To you our love was just a game,
The rules of which I just don't get.
On my feelings did you wipe your feet,
Yet you always did deny;
You'd tell me I had such a cheek,
And dare me to again imply.
You'd yell at me "you bitchy slut"
"You stupid bloody whore!"
"Look and see what you have done!
"Watch me walk out the door!"
I see that now for what it was,
Though at the time I cried.
How I wish I'd held my tongue,
Not pretended that you hadn't lied.
Sadly I knew not back then,
T'was exactly what you'd planned;
You knew I'd feel alone again,
And that I'd have you back.
So when you knocked upon my door,
Later on in that same week;
I picked myself up off the floor,
And with a smile I bid you greet.
So back into our lives you came,
And for a while we were at peace;
Til slowly, surely, once again,
You'd brought us to our knees.
For us it sure was de ja vu,
As we'd been through like before;
Twice their father and then you,
And you're both evil to the core.
The two of you'd lie to us;
And to each about the others.
You both would kick up such a fuss,
And tell my kids "Your stupid mother!"
You set us at each others' throats,
And drove us round the bend.
You lied about us to your folks,
And to each and every friend.
Behind my back I know you went,
To each and all I've known;
Until hardly anyone was left;
Me 'n mine they had disowned.
So basically, you played us,
Just like their dad before.
You set about to gain our trust,
So you could break the law.
By playing on our sympathies,
You sought to keep us quiet;
And by telling such tall stories,
Desensitized us to violence.
To get away with future crimes,
You played the wounded hero.
But falsely did you claim your pride;
Stealing valor for your ego.
And yes, I see, I should've known,
Way back when we first met;
When I felt that chill deep in my bones;
I should have run like heck!
Now I regret not taking notice,
Of each and every detail;
For if I'd guessed your motive,
I'd have surely seen you fail?
How smart I thought I was back then,
While having not a clue;
Even as I lost my friends,
I still couldn't grasp the truth.
And though I sensed corruption,
I mistook yours for my own.
I thought it just discomfort,
Because you were one I didn't know.
I was blinded with false Light,
Which then kept me in the dark.
And then there was your pity plight,
For which you'd practiced so hard!
Then there's that I remember,
What you said when your mum died;
And that I no longer view her death,
As an act of you being kind.
You may well think you loved her,
But t'was nothing like you'd claimed.
As she was your loving mother,
She should have been the main.
Instead it took too long for you,
And disrupted all your plans.
You felt her death was overdue,
And gave a helping hand.
You said t'was because you loved her,
But I don't think that was the case.
I doubt you even asked her?
Was it because her sisters came to stay?
More disturbing in my mind,
Is that you said you'd tried it thrice.
Did you stay with her those times?
Or just leave her there to die?.
I will admit at least you cried,
Once your evil deed was done.
But I have to wonder if she died,
Knowing that it was her son?
At the time my heart went out,
In great sympathy for you.
For all you did was sit and pout
Like a vacant, staring fool.
You could not attend her funeral,
At least that is what you said,
But now I know you did your usual,
While I put her to rest.
You'd said you couldn't handle it,
But I now know it wasn't that.
Not that money was your gambit;
Only what was in your pants!
So while I may have felt back then,
That you were simply being kind;
It was in fact a lack of ken,
That kept me seeing blind.
How could saying bye to her,
Be less important than your hand?!
She gave you life but hers you took,
How can you not feel bad?
Who lies and says they're just too sad?
To attend their own mum's funeral?
Just to stay at home with their hand!
Though for you it seems quite usual.
T'was really very sick, I think,
How can you say you loved her?
Begrudgingly? With a quick wink?
Does it bother you, I wonder?
How could I know, you ask?
As if I'd not find your collection.
That infamous day now past,
I gave you no pause for reflection.
So t'was another such glimpse,
Only subsequently in view.
One of many I've seen since.
That have come to show the truth.
Later, the time had come,
To watch your every move;
Because I knew you'd come undone,
Though I felt I needed proof.
And so here comes the flip.
The whole reason for your plan;
Which was grooming both my kids,
After plotting with their dad!?!
You first sought to ease her into it,
Just as did her dear old man.
On her bed you'd go and sit,
Pretending to be sad.
But back then I did not realize
The true nature of your secret.
I wondered if you might go blind,
And I figured some addiction.
But when I came to find you,
That horrid fateful morning;
I was really pretty sure I knew,
Just where you would be hiding.
And so I was completely thrown,
When instead I found you in her room.
Though I thank God for being shown,
For it saved us from your doom.
I can't believe the things you did,
How dare you touch my child!
I beg you show your face again,
So I can just go wild!
So there you have that thing or two,
The stuff I never got to say.
I guess my brain had turned to goo,
When I kicked you out that day.
And where the hell do you get off?
You sick, demented toad!
Now that I know your evil plot,
Man, do you get my goad!
Oh, I also meant to say to you:
I went and told your mother.
Her resting place I went to,
And told her of your bother.
Okay, I didn't really;
Though not for you, for her.
Your mum was very caring,
And I have no wish to hurt.
It's just it really gets to me;
You hurt my daughter and your mum,
To be put away for twenty,
Simply wouldn't be enough!
For my little girl 'n both our mums,
And for my little boy and me!
For all the harm that you have done;
Your suffering I'd see!
And don't think that I'll be kind,
I know how you love pain;
But why should I be nice?
Why can't I make you pay!
I'd prefer to be more subtle;
And I can really be sublime.
Instead I'd teach a lesson;
For I care naught for your pride.
See, now that I really know you,
It's a simple choice to make.
For I know to really hurt you,
I just have to show you're fake!
Your complete humiliation?
Yep! On national TV!
To see you so deflated,
Now that I'd go an see.
If you ponder that I feel this way,
Perhaps you really shouldn't.
'Cause surely I don't need to say,
You think you're most important.
And so that was how I saw,
The evil nature 'neath your hide;
And that t'was a mask you wore;
To hide the evil deep inside.
Now I'm happy left in peace,
So be sure to stay well gone!
Or else piece by tiny piece,
I'll make sure the job is done!
And don't think that I am joking!
I saved your life four times;
So don't think I'll waste time hoping,
Just be sure it won't be five!
I'm glad I found what lay beneath,
Though it scares me deep inside.
Before you were naught but a leach,
Now you're a killer and a pedophile!
One thing I could not fathom,
Was the reason for your guile?
I guess it's not something I'd gather,
For I'm not evil deep inside!
But don't get me wrong by thinking,
That I'd turn the other cheek!
One thing that's worth remembering,
Is that you know I'm hardly weak!
I'm capable of very bad deeds,
In fact, I do them well.
Though I am really nothing like you,
And I wouldn't go to hell.
Because, you see, God knows
That to save this world from evil,
Good people need be their foes,
Lest our world fall to the Devil!
So know that you can try and run,
But be sure you'll not get far.
And I doubt that prison'll be much fun,
Weren't you a prison guard?
Oh that's just too sweet for words!
I so love instant karma.
And you of all should be well versed,
On how they'll try and get ya!
And so goodbye now, forever!
And good luck with being a pedo!
And though I thought I'd say it never,
Say Hi for me to Pedro!
Mel Stewart 2015