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Something Wonderful is going to Happen! (Installment 3, Chapters 4 & 5)

Updated on December 11, 2015
Larry Rankin profile image

Larry Rankin, an experiened writer, enjoys creative writing in all forms, from literary to mainstream.

Author’s Note:

The following is the 3rd installment of a larger work. It is a satire of sorts with elements of dark comedy. It follows a main character with a clearly defined morality that is well removed from normalcy.

This story and its subsequent installments are graphic, vulgar, and very likely per the definitions of some, blasphemous. IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED, DON’T READ THIS STORY!!!

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The Book of Guy: Chapter 3

I had begun to think there were no kingdoms that were worth overthrowing that a guy like me could overthrow. I was thinking that I’d just give up and follow like most everyone and rent what pu##y came by when it did and be thankful for it. Then I turned the TV to old Hal Strong--a hero of sorts to me. He knew what it was all about. Having women on his show and judging them for what was important, and what was important almost always required they take their clothes off.

But this show, it was different. A guy had called in to talk about Hal’s wife leaving him. Hal wouldn’t answer--cut him right off. For the first time I saw weakness in the man, this self proclaimed King of the Airways. The shock jock was weak. This divorce had gotten to him. I could tell he just didn’t want to be there or King anymore. Of all the stupid things a man can do there is no dumber thing than letting a woman under your skin.

Source

My mind raced. Was this Hal Strong a bona fide King? He was from a city. He commanded much pu##y. He had reached his position through confidence and self-proclamation. He followed many FCC rules, but look at all he had broken. Even the most powerful of Kings in this blasted democracy had to cow from time to time to get what they wanted.

Yes, a King, and now the current state of things, a lame duck ripe for dethronement.

It took only an instant for the caller to be dismissed, but in that instant I saw everything I needed to know. Kingdom’s come when we are strong and leave when we are weak. Hal Strong was weak, and maybe by usurping him and his little radio show I could move on to something bigger. Hell, it would have to be better than my current situation, flunking out of a thirty person journalism department, students included, at a college where ninety percent of the newspaper‘s articles were focused on cows or wheat. Maybe my harem wouldn’t be as big as I wanted, but I might be able to own a few pu##ies, maybe more than a few. It was a starting point, anyhow.

The whole thing was enough to get me going. I left for New York City the next day on a bus with $500 dollars in my pocket, a few things I’d written, and a duffel bag.

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From on High: Chapter 1

It’s your hope that makes my life meaningful.

Do you really think I’m so trivial as to care what apples you eat? The whole thing was a farce. Of course they ate the apple! I would have eaten the apple in the same situation. Anyone that wouldn’t have eaten the apple is useless to me. A person who wouldn’t eat the apple is a person without hope, and people without hope are useless to me!

To those truly without hope, I try to give hope, because without hope you give up on making order, and when you give up on making order, there is no fun in the game.

For eons I made hopeless creatures large and small. At first watching them live and work was interesting, but in the end, it became the same old masturbation. These creatures did exactly as I scripted them. The fun for me is watching you place your order.

The Garden of Eden was little more than what you people would call a controlled experiment, similar to the rat given an electric shock when it eats the wrong piece of cheese. But humans, they put all this reason to it, try to make it meaningful. It’s not meaningful! Nothing you could ever do is meaningful! Yes I made Eve from Adam’s rib, but this is simply because I could. It is hap. I could have as easily done things the other way around. You are all equal--soulless, insignificant, clockwork toys. I little care what you do, as long as it is random and violent and you attach your foolish order to it.

If truth be known, I would have grown bored of the good couple in the garden eventually and destroyed or distorted them like I had so many of the others if Eve hadn’t picked that apple. That was the experiment: to see if I could make a thing out of my control somewhat--something I could laugh at for its stupidity and create, kill, and on occasion, make live again without remorse. You got to make them live again on occasion. Miracles are catalysts of hope, and when there is hope, there is hate and there is war and entertainment abounds.

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__________________________

A while back, a term of time that to you would have seemed lengthy, I wrote a book. This book in its entirety and unabridged no longer exists, at least not one that is in human hands. I think two or three may be scattered here and there waiting to be unearthed. I forget where. I have so much to keep up with that on occasion I forget things. At one point there were around a million copies, but most were destroyed after they were manipulated by people, primarily men trying to gain power.

To be honest, I don’t even have a copy of the original anymore, and much of its content is lost to me. But I am almost positive there are a few around.

But I digress. The point is that the writing served its purpose. It caused people to act terrible and fight and kill one another. People began adding sequel after sequel and even an occasional prequel. (People don’t like prequels as much. Just look at how Star Wars went downhill.) I especially like the ones that involve me sending down my only son. Those are especially ridiculous for reasons beyond your understanding. Not to say they are anymore ridiculous than the things I wrote.

And even when the authors of these texts, unlike me, had a goal of peace (I’m sorry. The word peace makes me chuckle--a made up concept by the long haired shapers of peaceful rebellion, an equally silly term. And you wonder why I find you guys so entertaining?)...anyway, even when the goal was this peace, the ultimate outcome was the same: hate and war.

Source

__________________________

So I have become bored again. And if you value your stupid life at all, the last thing on earth you want is a bored God. So rather than crush you all and start over again, I’ve decided to write a new book. One that should p##s off most everybody--really shake things up. Like the first there is little rhyme or reason to it, but I’m sure you guys will find order anyway. It is what you are programmed to do.

The meat of the story, which you have probably already gathered, concerns our freethinking young hero who will name himself at some point Guy Mann. I believe he really exists. There are so many of you guys, maybe I dreamt him. But because this is a religious text, his authenticity is hardly of importance. (And Mary never got f##ked? Hahaha!)

Whether he exists or not, he behaves in a way that much pleases me. I set the book in the good old US of A because the people there are so G##damned full of themselves. (I like that word, by the way. I consider it flattering.) People that are full of themselves are the best about insisting there is order.

This whole freedom farce was fun at first, so I let it pass, but all in all, if I don’t intercede soon we’re bound to have another Canada or Switzerland on our hands within three or four centuries. And I swear to God (This is especially funny when I do it.) I’m gonna destroy the whole G##damned thing if I have to deal with another Canada or Switzerland in the world.

So I’m writing this book to put out there for you guys to manipulate and add order to in hopes of rekindling the massive erection that watching all your hate for one another used to give me. And you better hope God gets wood. Your lives depend on it.

Opinion

What do you think so far?

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Opinion

4 out of 5 stars from 4 ratings of Something Wonderful is Going to Happen!

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    • Besarien profile image

      Besarien 21 months ago

      We definitely don't want God so bored that he smites Switzerland with his giant flaccid godhood. Please save the world with more creative depravity.

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 2 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      Let's see what happens next. Maybe it will be something like the US government giving us nothing for something of ours...

    • Say Yes To Life profile image

      Yoleen Lucas 2 years ago from Big Island of Hawaii

      I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT!!!

      billybuc - it is better to be pi$$ed off than pi$$ed on! LOL!!!

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 2 years ago from Oklahoma

      I want to thank everyone who read and/or commented on this installment of the story. As I explained before, for the time being I’m remaining tight lipped on my own opinions regarding this story. I do intend to address a number of the overarching questions asked by viewers after I am done with what I am terming “The first season,” which should be wrapping up by the 6th installment. This Q & A will be done in a subsequent blog.

      Even then, I still won’t be answering any questions in such a way that will give away any major plot developments in the future or giving any analysis I feel would too rigidly frame the viewer’s opinions. As I mentioned before, I am very appreciative of viewers’ opinions and criticisms, because that’s how literature gains momentum or is panned, not through the story’s author telling everyone what to think about it.

      After the “season one” wrap up blog, there will be a hiatus of undetermined length before I began “season two” of the book.

    • sujaya venkatesh profile image

      sujaya venkatesh 2 years ago

      great creativity

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 2 years ago from USA

      This does make me wonder where you get your ideas.

    • profile image

      temptor94 2 years ago

      I sincerely hope that God doesn't think this way lol :D Will wait for the next instalment.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 2 years ago from south Florida

      Anxiously awaiting the introduction of Guy Mann to bring us the genuine, unadulterated Word!

    • AliciaC profile image

      Linda Crampton 2 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      This series is so interesting, Larry! I love your imagination and creativity.

    • Eldon Arsenaux profile image

      Eldon Arsenaux 2 years ago from Cooley, Texas

      Read this. Shall read the others. Kinda cringe-worthy, which is worth reading. Really!

      Seems like a load of fun to write as god.

      God: And so idolaters shall be struck in the face from the face of the Earth.

      That felt great.

      Dig your enthusiasm with this one Larry, especially the bit about God getting bored with his own orgasms. Reminds me of something a Sumerian would write (they seem so obsessed with deity semen), for some reason.

      -E.G.A.

    • Mel Carriere profile image

      Mel Carriere 2 years ago from San Diego California

      You should be ashamed of yourself that you are sitting there in SWOK drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon, instead of in a Manhattan penthouse drinking Chivas, or whatever snooty rich writers drink. I'm really getting into this.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      You can measure the success of a satirical piece by the number of people you piss off....good luck. I hope this is very successful. :)

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Shocking, disgusting, blasphemous writing Larry. Can't wait for the next chapter. You'll make me think of God in a whole different way :) (oops shouldn't speak too soon, there's another storm brewing and I don't want to be struck down).