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Stand-Up Snail

Updated on March 26, 2011
Stand-Up Snail
Stand-Up Snail | Source

At long last it appears that shy Sidney has at last taken some positive steps towards emerging from his shell! We are now at a forward table of the local improve comedy club, nursing our watered-down two-drink minimum and avoiding some really stale cheese popcorn, as Sid overcomes his petrifying stage fright to slither to the mike for the start of the midnight show. (Sidney could not commit to the early evening set; after all, he had to leave his garden in the dawning hours of last Tuesday morning just to make it in time for tonight’s opening curtain!)

This goofy member of the mollusk class of Gastropoda has been, over the last several months, a complete bust-out as first a marathoner, then a pizza delivery agent, a big-board commodities trader, a minor-league shortstop, an express-counter breakfast chef, and an urban bicycle courier [that last job can be a real challenge when you’ve got no legs!]. So sad-sack Sid has decided to put his quick (!) wit to work, and see if he can make it in the world of stand-up comedy.

However, being perhaps just a wee bit slow on the uptake — as one might logically expect of a locomotively-challenged snail — Sidney tends to hang on to old routines and worn-out gag lines far too long for most audiences. While this tendency makes Sid quite popular at the quarterly ‘Gags for Geezers’ event at the local senior center, it dampens crowd enthusiasm considerably at younger venues.

It’s a good thing there are a number of crickets in the audience tonight, and that they’ve already gone well past their drink minimums to get liquored up on daisy nectar, or poor Sidney would be getting no audience reaction at all.


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