The Darkness Buried Within Me

The darkness buried within my soul, has the capability to eat my mind whole.

The words that I try and speak the actions I try and keep, are in itself; pure beauty.

But are manifested with the dead aspects of insanity, twisted and cruel,

Simply put..

The meaning behind Edgar Allan Poe's workings of poetry and selected writing, that has found their way into our knowledge base of Jr high and high school English studies.

When my heart beats, it has two speeds.

1) Slow: A light tap, where I find difficulty to speak in full sentences, for my brain is lacking the speed it needs in order to complete them. And if I am to speak, it comes out slow, almost hard to follow, almost inaudible and lacks ability to reach potential of full meaning.

2) Rapid: Like a car reaching its top allowable speed. Where thoughts come one after the next, where there’s no such thing as a red light, but my god I wish there was a yellow light in place. For my words seem to get misplaced and mixed with the next , where thought process don’t finish but just start one after the another , right after the climate drops below zero. Where it honestly seems like my heart is pounding out of my chest, overworking itself, to the point of near death.

The darkness buried within my soul, my heart, and my mind.,

have the ability, to take over everything I have.

One step at a time.

Either all at once,

or slowly, gradually, over a long aching time frame.

I slow my breathing, I organize my thoughts, I reach for the clutch and aim for a destination of self healing where only I am capable of reaching. For I myself choose the destination, and I myself can control my internal interrogations to come to a point of peace and understanding where the severity of the situation decreases by a pleasant pace man- made to help retrieve my full capability, that the speed of my thoughts can't interrupt or contribute too.

For I myself am a human, and there's nothing I can't do that i set my mind too. Just like everyone else, problems and situations arise where it's hard to take in or hard to control your reactions due to the adrenalin that pumps through our veins in times of confusion and uncertainty; excitement and fear about an outcome that we can't fathom, but the deep meaning of our thoughts on such things happening are hidden behind the pump of blood through our veins, keeping us alive even when we

don't want them too.

The telltale heart describes the floorboards; which resembles the heartbeat. But the house I'm under, is no longer in my procession. And the the air that flows through the kitchen to the bedroom, the spring drift created by my breathing. The blinds are open, and so are my eyes, as I witness them living. In the space I am in, is no place to to make assumptions. But I'm wondering if someone else is being chosen, to accompany me, in my home which keeps keeps me living.

When my heart beats

I remember your voice,

I remember my own,

I remember the soothing aspects of your moans and groans, and the calming way you send me to sleep, by saying my name like I'm still of importance, like I'm just somebody, and not just anybody. But everything that describes meaningful, and full of prosperity.

Reminding me, I am human. And we all make mistakes, we all have our concerns on ourselves, in this case; the understanding of the hidden meaning of pain that gives us a title labelled on our grave; and a sign of understanding to the controlling of my aspects I overlook, that continuously drill themselves into my brain each time I look past them; I go to shake your hand; and introduce myself by name. And the pains intensity of the drill grows again, strong, demanding to be heard, for I forgot to mention; I'm not alone, for the deep meaning of my unintentional screaming; there's more than just one individual lingering these halls.

• Worldwide about 1 percent of the population is diagnosed with schizophrenia, and approximately 1.2% of Americans (3.2 million) have the disorder. About 1.5 million people will be diagnosed with schizophrenia this year around the world.
• Schizophrenia is a chronic and severe disorder that affects how a person thinks, feels, and acts. Although schizophrenia is not as common as other mental disorders, it can be very disabling. Approximately 7 or 8 individuals out of 1,000 will have schizophrenia in their lifetime.
• It is estimated that 1 in 5 Canadians will experience a mental illness throughout their lifetime. Symptoms consistent with a mood disorder were cited by 5.4% of Canadians aged 15 and older, while 1.5% met the criteria for bipolar disorder in the past 12 months.
• Schizophrenia is not a split personality, a rare and very different disorder.Schizophrenia is, in fact, a relatively common disease, with an estimated one percent to one and a half percent of the U.S. population being diagnosed with it over the course of their lives.
• Although some mental illness resolves without treatment (e.g., adjustment reactions with depressive or anxious features), the majority of illnesses do not go away on their own. ... In any given year, about 9.5% of the population has a mood disorder or depressive illness.

Soure:

https://www.google.ca/search?q=canada+statistics+for+psychosis&safe=strict&source=lnms&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj48Lv_1M7UAhVCwmMKHTIxAAIQ_AUICSgA&biw=1137&bih=654&dpr=0.9

For the past 2 years i've been battling with physios. I've been misdiagnosed a total of 3 times, they have me on the highest dosage of anti psychotic, for they were trying to treat symptoms that were not apart of the physios family. It seems never ending the process in which I have to go down, before I get properly treated. This poem is about personal views, and insanity in a whole.

"Maybe the maddest are actually the saddest, for they are more in tune with everybody else other then themselves? "