ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Books, Literature, and Writing

THE "FERN' b. Malin

Updated on June 21, 2011
Francine  Fern  Photo by Stephan
Francine Fern Photo by Stephan
Felicia Fern  Photo by Stephan
Felicia Fern Photo by Stephan


Allow us to introduce ourselves, "I'm Francine and this is my sister Felicia Fern. We live on the Jersey Shore at Lover Man's (big sigh) and "Her" house...You know the "Writer", b. Malin.

"Now, Now, Francine, let's not be Sarcastic or Bitter, let's just tell our story".

"Fine Felicia".

"Ok, where was I? Oh yes, we are hung in the front of the house and make a Grand Entrance Way...Now, don't get me wrong "We" like "Her"...but she fusses over us much too much. In fact She and Lover Man joke, that I am #1 Fern and Felicia is number #3. How's that you ask? What happened to #2. I'll tell you what happened...b. Malin, MANAGED TO KILL HER"!

"Oh my God, Francine you know that's NOT TRUE"...

"Really? Then why did b. Malin Return #2 and buy Me? Mmmm"? That Woman is capable of returning just about ANYTHING...who returns a Plant that she helped to KILL"!

"Francine Please Calm Down or you'll get Sick...I can answer that...she didn't know much about Ferns and was only watering me and #2 every other day...and we had that HOT spell and #2 just wilted, and truthfully #2, hadn't been all that well when Ms. b. purchased us"...So you see, it really wasn't her fault".

"Oh Felicia, you Always make Excuses for her...Always"!

"No I don't Francine, but you need to be Fair in your Judgement, just look around you...what do you see? I'll tell you what you see, A Beautiful garden with lots of Happy Potted Plants...and Birds Singing"...And we get a cool refreshing drink twice a day. It must be watering time, I think I hear her filling the pitcher".

"You're right Felicia, she is filling the pitcher, and it sounds by the clinking of the spoon that she's mixing in some plant food...I could go for a little of that today"...My Beauty Drink".

"See Francine, she's not so bad...and she is kinda of pretty, don't you think"? With that pretty Blonde Hair and shapely figure...And Lover Man...He's always all over her".

"Don't get me started Felicia...That pretty blonde hair needs a touch up, I saw her roots...and who knows if "Lover Man" can still get it up"...

"OMG Francine, that's terrible...and Trust Me, I'm closer to their Bedroom Window than you are, and the name "Lover Man" was a very, very, Good Choice...Now say good by to this interview, and let's enjoy the rest of the Season".

"Good-bye from Francine". "Your Turn Felicia".

"Good-bye" from Felicia..." And We both wish You All a Happy Summer".


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      Why Thank You Movie Master for finding the "Fern Sisters" aren't they Something! I really appreciate your Wonderful Comments...and Thanks for your Vote, what more could this writer ask for!

    • Movie Master profile image

      Movie Master 6 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hi b. Mailin, I've only just found this hub, don't know how I managed to miss it, now I know who the mystery fern sisters are that featured in the spider hub, it's all becoming clear!!! love your writing, voted up naturally:-)

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      Why Thank You Alocsin for giving me such Wonderful Accolades and your Vote!

    • alocsin profile image

      alocsin 6 years ago from Orange County, CA

      Excellent skit, B. Malin. Voting this Up and Funny.

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      Thank You Multiman. So Glad You Enjoyed from Start to Finish! And Thanks for your Vote.

    • profile image

      Multiman 6 years ago

      lol, very cute funny and interesting, enjoyed it from start to finish. Voted up.

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      Thank You Sally, Yes, I Learned the Hard way to WATER TWICE A DAY! So Glad you thought The "Fern Sisters" were Funny.

      Wonderful Idea Chatkath you could become my Agent and Pitch it...It sounds like that Seinfeild Skit...So Glad you Enjoy the Fern's, Felicia & Francine.

      Ah, A.A. I did Return it, but it was the one Lover Man picked out...It just wasn't HEALTHY...I'd be GOOD to you "Chia Pet" Honest!

      Listen Sweetie, We used to think my Father came back as our now "Dead" Cat George...But I guess that would be another Hub! Thanks for Enjoying the Fern's.

    • sweetie1 profile image

      sweetie1 6 years ago from India

      Hi B malin, you got a wild imagination running. I have heard stories about talking animals but first time it is talking plants that too brother and sister. Imaginative. Like it and voted it up.

    • A.A. Zavala profile image

      Augustine A Zavala 6 years ago from Texas

      Who does return a plant that they've killed? Chilling, suspenseful. Remind me never to let you baby sit my chia pet.

    • Chatkath profile image

      Kathy 6 years ago from California

      Adorable dialogue b. Malin - How incredibly creative, you have the "sister talk" down. In fact I think you should submit to the TV networks as a sitcom idea: "The Fern Sisters". I know I'd tune in. Rated up and awesome for originality!

    • Truckstop Sally profile image

      Truckstop Sally 6 years ago

      What a fun story! Water twice a day -- the sisters are quite a handful! Looks like your green thumb is growing and growing - right along with your hub fans. I love hibiscus trees too.

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      Ok, Ok, for You JinnyMarte, I will! LOL.

    • profile image

      JinnyMarte 6 years ago

      Ha ha ha! Yes I do!! You have to keep 'em coming...

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      Hey Jinny, you really think you should Encourage Me...Seriously, Thank You from the Bottom of my Creative Heart. "5 Stars"... I'm in Heaven, THANK YOU!

    • profile image

      JinnyMarte 6 years ago

      Ha ha ha ha! This was yet another brilliant interview you have manged to pour on the hub pages for us b.Malin! It was hilarious and so very convincing. You have me looking for your new hubs on a regular. I really enjoy reading your very creative flows... Awesome hub!!

      Froggy Prince I think I'm gonna top your accolade...

      5 stars!

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      Thank You Scribenet, Now I think the my "Hibiscus Trees" that I just bought are starting to TALK! Thanks for Enjoying my friend.

      Hey Breakfastpops, I DO remember that one...and it does stay with you. I always feel bad when I do trim my Roses. I'm so glad you Thought this Hub Funny.

      They told more than they should have...They are such Gossips Cheryl. So glad you liked the Humor.

      Hey Bluestar, did you ever ask the Ivy or Listen to their Conversation...Mmmm.

      Hey Froggy Prince YOU have made my day..."4 Star Hub"....THANK YOU!

    • The Frog Prince profile image

      The Frog Prince 6 years ago from Arlington, TX

      Malin - I have quadruplets of the same species but with different monikers.

      4 Star Hub to you.

      The Frog

    • thebluestar profile image

      Annette Donaldson 6 years ago from Northern Ireland

      Oh b. this was so cute, and witty, and beautifully written, and left me in awe of lover man. I wish the ivy trailing around our window had such a complaint. lol x

    • profile image

      Cheryl Kapelner-Champ 6 years ago

      Good one, like the humor, ..., chat, & oh so romantic & intimate. Who would think those ferns would tell, very smart.

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 6 years ago

      Remember that Twilight Zone where the roses felt pain every time they were cut? Now the plants are talking and I believe it, I really do! Up and funny!

    • Scribenet profile image

      Scribenet 6 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Ya gotta watch those plants! Voted up and enjoyable read!

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      Am I Cute or What Bella...Thank you for all your Comments, so, so, appreciated from You! Glad I could make it a FUN read.

      Shygirl, and how do we know THEY can't TALK?...I think EVERYTHING has a VOICE, big or small. So Glad You enjoyed, and I can't spell, so I'm not sure either of the spelling of your sister's plant. Don't Kill it!

    • profile image

      shygirl2 6 years ago

      lol! I so love your cute wit and stories, b. Malin. You have me convinced the plants are really talking, you make them so real. : ) Great hub! I loved it! You do have to wonder what they must think of us, huh? Your story reminded me though...I need to water my poor sister diffenbachia' that how they are spelled? lol! oh well, my plants here in my room, wait for their attention too. Thanks for sharing such a light hearted story!

    • bellawritter23 profile image

      Erica Sanchez 6 years ago from California

      This was too cute B., You are always so creative with your little plays. super cute story. Always a fun and cute read!!

      smiles :)



    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: ""

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)