THE INNOCENCE OF TIME...by b. Malin

Youth... Childhood, is suppose to be such a Happy, Secure time for a child. No cares, no Big Worries. To look at us, my two cousins, and another young friend, we look like a Happy crew, sucking away on our Lollypops...I'm the one in the Front Row, in the middle, I'm probably around 7 or 8...or maybe even 9...and I'm probably sucking on a Red or Purple Lollipop, because those were my Favorite flavors...And I'm wearing a skirt, I'm not sure why, when everyone else is in play pants...and my Favorite Patent Leather Shoes are on my feet...Walk back with me in time...

My parents are divorced and it's the 1950's...and no one else in the family is divorced...And my Sister and I live with Relatives... and I have a Doll named "Nancy"...Sometimes I feel that she is the only one who really Loves me...and will Never Leave Me. She sleeps in a Blue Doll Crib next to my bed. My Sister is older than I am by 2 1/2 years. She doesn't like Dolls, and sometimes makes fun of me because I do. Once when we were younger, and our parents were still together, she painted my other Favorite Doll's head with Red Nail Polish, and then pushed in her eyes...she was left with two holes where her eyes should have been.I cried when I saw what she had done... Sometimes I think she Hates me, other times not, like when we get together with the other kids in the neighborhood, and I make up plays where I'm the Princess, and she has to play the Prince. She gets Mad and tells me she won't, but in the end she gives in. We also like to catch some of the "Cats" in the neighborhood and dress them up in Doll clothing, and put them in my Doll carriage. We got in trouble when one of the neighbors wanted to see our "Dolly" and a cat wearing a Doll Hat and Clothing jumped out at her! She called my Aunt. That night we were made to go to bed early, and promise Never to do that again...and we didn't...But we did "Giggle" into our pillows after the lights went out. Oh, and my sister always makes me tell her a story so that she can fall asleep...And I do...I make up the Best stories, someday, when I'm grownup I'd like to be a writer.

We live at my Uncle's House. He is my mother's brother. My mother is away, she has had a "Breakdown"...I'm not sure what that means... The Relatives do a lot of whispering, when we have Family get togethers. I pretend I don't hear what they say, but I do...and at night, when my Aunt and Uncle are asleep, I cry softly into my pillow, I don't want them to hear me, and I don't want to hurt their feelings. But I miss my Mother, even though somedays, I forget what she looks like. My father is living with another Woman, and her children...She is a "Widow"...I'm not sure what that word means, but I do know he wants my Sister and I to live with them. My Aunt has not been feeling well, and now the Relatives whisper the word, "Leukemia"... I don't know what that word means either...but I know that can't be good.

I don't like when my Uncle holds me tight and keeps kissing me...and he says things that don't sound right to me... I'm afraid to tell on him. But I really don't like it. Maybe we should go to live with my father. He keeps saying to my Sister when he comes to pick us up, "wouldn't it be Fun to live at Daddy's"? She smiles but doesn't say anything. I try to talk, to speak up, to say it would be. But he doesn't seem to hear me...Someday he will hear me, he will even listen to me...but that time is just not now.