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THE WOMEN'S CLUB...by b. Malin

Updated on December 9, 2011
Photo by Stephan
Photo by Stephan

TO JOIN OR NOT TO JOIN...

To join or not to join, that is the question that plagues my mind as I listen to the minutes being read. It's so Early, oh so very Early and my mind is thinking "Bed, Glorious Bed, Dear Bed, why, oh why am I here"?

I'll tell you WHY I am here...Because back at the Condo, on the Terrace, the Workmen are Banging, and BANGING and DRILLING...And I have the urge to be KILLING, and so I am here to escape from the NOISE, and my urges. I could see the headlines, as well as the News reports, "Woman throws 2 workmen off her Terrace, and then goes back to bed"... I hadn't needed an ALARM to get me here...Oh no, they served as my "Alarm"...Now, wasn't that dear?

Coffee and Pastries are now being served at The Women's Club. I help myself to some as I listen to the "Chatter" of the other Women talking. The President Bangs her gravel and the meeting begins...Old Business, New Business, Minutes are read. Comments are made..."Suggestions" now become the Topic. I raise my hand and am called upon. I suggest "Solar Lights" for some of the Palm Trees. I am told they already spent money on 400 feet of Electric lights. "Oh, I say, well I have them on my backyard tree, in New Jersey". I shrug, as I say, "you've got the Sunshine here, year round. Those Solars would always be lit up at night". They will think about it. As they silently look upon me as the "Seasonal Person"...Or "Snow Bird".

Well at least no one has called me a "Snow Bird"...which I am now picturing in my mind as a Big White Bird, wearing Long John's and White Boots, flapping my wings and Flying. Of course landing gracefully as I discard my winter attire, for shorts and a halter top, upon arrival. But in reality, Lover Man and I drove in my trusty Silver PT cruiser, packed to the gills, like a stuffed Fish! His car, safe and sound in our garage back home.

I buy a "Raffle Ticket" and pay for a Friday night "Cocktail Party" at the Club House. The Theme is the "Boat Parade" on the InterCostal Waterway. The Boats will be decorated with a Holiday Theme. It sounds lovely. I don't win anything with my Raffle Ticket, but it was for a "Good Cause", though I never found out what it was.

Now the meeting turns to talk about the "Men's Club" and their Horrible President, Bob, who is always belittling the "Women's Club". He won't let them do a thing without his approval, even as small as hanging a Picture in the Ladies Room. "Huh" I think, this cannot be. They need ME, they really need ME...And so, I have made my decision... I pay my dues, and become a Member of the Women's Club! I am welcomed warmly.

I smile around the room as I am being officially introduced, and I think to myself, your "Bullying Days" are OVER President Bob, Oh they are so very over. And as I am thinking this, who comes walking through the door to meet the New Ladies of the Women's Club? Yes, it's President Bob, of the Men's Club, who comes over to shake my hand. I smile sweetly as I think to myself, I am so going to be in your FACE...President Bob...b. Malin is here!

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    • b. Malin profile image
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      b. Malin 5 years ago

      You think so A.A. He has so Mellowed since this Hub was written...and I'll be moving...so He could go back to his old ways...Time will tell.

    • A.A. Zavala profile image

      Augustine A Zavala 5 years ago from Texas

      He is so screwed...

    • b. Malin profile image
      Author

      b. Malin 5 years ago

      Hi LL Woodard, Since this Hub was written, "President Bob" has come down a peg or two...I'm so Glad you enjoyed my Mind and Dry Humor on this Hub!

    • L.L. Woodard profile image

      L.L. Woodard 5 years ago from Oklahoma City

      You'll have to let us know how "President Bob" makes out down the road. He sounds like a bit of a male chauvinist.

      I enjoy how the machinations of your mind works.

      Thanks for SHARING.

    • b. Malin profile image
      Author

      b. Malin 5 years ago

      When I was a kid Flora, out on Long Island, our town was divided by "Hedges" on each street. There was a Young Women's Club and if you lived on one side of the Hedges you were automatically a member. We lived on the other side of the Hedge and I had to be voted in...Never liked it as a kid.

      Here in Florida, it's just part of the Condo and they do good things for the Community...so I joined.

    • FloraBreenRobison profile image

      FloraBreenRobison 5 years ago

      I have never belonged to a women's club before. In fact, I don't think we have one here unless you count the YWCA. we do have a Soroptomists which is a woman's group that raises money for scholarships for women, but again, that is not the same.

    • b. Malin profile image
      Author

      b. Malin 5 years ago

      Hi Girltalksshop, Things are starting to feel sort-of Normal here...I'm so glad you stopped by to read, and of course for your Comments.

    • profile image

      girltalksshop 5 years ago

      Entertaining hub, full of adventure...well, if you can call it that... ;) But I enjoyed it, feeling as if I was right there with you. Thanks for the share!

    • b. Malin profile image
      Author

      b. Malin 5 years ago

      Hey "Lyricwriter" that's pretty Funny about what you thought "Snowbirds" were! We are Fine, adjusting to some Beautiful Weather, but not the Nutty ways of this Condo association, and how they DON'T get things done! But still, we are having Fun!

      Hi fiddleman, Cackle, Cackle, and around here EVERYONE seems to be doing just that! Have I really become a "Snowbird"...Mmmm, maybe just a little one...

    • profile image

      Fiddleman 5 years ago

      Another hen party. lol Enjoyed this Little Miss Snowbird.

    • thelyricwriter profile image

      Richard Ricky Hale 5 years ago from West Virginia

      Votes up. lol:) I didn't hear the term "snowbird" until I moved to Arizona. I wondered for months before I found an answer. I thought it was what they called all white people. It is always great to come by and read your writings, especially on a bad day. Hope all is well and happy holidays to you and Lover.

    • b. Malin profile image
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      b. Malin 5 years ago

      Why Thank YOU Jinny, I so appreciate your Comments...and we are having an Awesome time...can't beat the Florida weather!

      It is what it is Bluestar...and these poor Women are so "like sheep" and what Bob say's, goes...well, we'll see about that! Seriously I'm not a joiner, but in this case, I joined!

    • thebluestar profile image

      Annette Donaldson 5 years ago from Northern Ireland

      lol B. written with all your style and good humour. Woman's club, hell they wont even let us into the Mason's over here so the Woman's Club is a definite non starter. lol xx

    • profile image

      JinnyMarte 5 years ago

      Why b.Malin it is always so much fun to visit your hub space! I wouldn't expect any less from you... Wishing you and Lover Man an awesome time...

    • b. Malin profile image
      Author

      b. Malin 5 years ago

      Why Thank You Sally, we may buy, if the Price is Right...Time will tell. Ah yes, The Women's Club, thank goodness they only meet 1 a month, but they are ok Ladies.

      Ah Breakfastpops, you know my Rebel Heart so well!

      Hey Jinny, I Promise to be Gentle with him, until he gives the Ladies of the Women's Club a hard time once again...So Glad you got some Laughs from this Hub of mine.

      Thank You Drbj for your approval...and any advice I will come to you my Friend. So glad you Enjoyed my little Escapades.

      Chery, one never knows what waits around the Palm trees down here...But I am so ready for ACTION! Thank you, my Friend.

      Hi Eiddwen, Thanks for the Wonderful Comment, and of course your Vote!

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 5 years ago from Wales

      Very clever indeed so a vote up up and away in order here.

      Take care

      Eddy.

    • profile image

      Cheryl Kapelner-Champ 5 years ago

      Sounds like a new political career in the sunbelt for U*! Keep up the good work, w/ the writing & your activism for equal rights, the time has arrived!!! Go b. Malin ~ !

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Go get 'em, Tiger. That poor Bob, or is it boob? doesn't know what he's in for. No sympathy for him at all. Let the games begin!

      Still chuckling over this real life recitation, b.

    • profile image

      JinnyMarte 5 years ago

      Oh how lovely that you're back in Florida b.Malin! You had me rollin' over and laughing out loud on this one!! Loved the headlines :"Woman throws 2 workmen off her Terrace, and then goes back to bed". Hahahaha But it was even better to be a witness of the plotting in your mind as you shook the hand of President Bob of the Men's Club hahaha This is awesome and so refreshingly hilarious!

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 5 years ago

      Go get em'

    • Truckstop Sally profile image

      Truckstop Sally 5 years ago

      I don't know why Snow Birds get a bad rap. They are good for the economy. And in your case - good for the Womens Club. Ha!

    • b. Malin profile image
      Author

      b. Malin 5 years ago

      Hi Rosemay, you are so Right...those Sounds were enough to Kill for. Come on over, there are a lot of people ready to take "Bob" down. So Thank you for your Fun Comments.

      And I've got such Great pictures too Gail to go with some "Future Stories"...there is just so much to write about, everyday is a NEW Experience. Thanks for your Votes!

    • Happyboomernurse profile image

      Gail Sobotkin 5 years ago from South Carolina

      Oh this was so funny. Sounds like it's going to be a fun winter reading about your adventures in Florida. Glad you are documenting them already on Hub Pages.

      Voted up across the board!

    • Rosemay50 profile image

      Rosemary Sadler 5 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

      Haha this made me laugh. Not a day to mess with the lady woken up too early.

      Sounds like this Bob needs taking down a peg or 2. I would love to be there.

    • b. Malin profile image
      Author

      b. Malin 5 years ago

      Hi Nell, Bob, actually stayed away from the Friday "Cocktail Party" because so many people are Angry with him...their Terraces are torn apart (He was in-charge of this project) and now he wants to do the walkways on each floor, how, will people leave their Units? A Laugh a minute...

      Hi Erin, long time, how is School? I must stop by your Hubs. I'm not going to get too involved here, but you can't help it when you see the people so upset. This club is one they have here to do project, planting, parties planning etc. It's ok, I'm really NOT a joiner, but, they hooked me with tales of Bob.

    • b. Malin profile image
      Author

      b. Malin 5 years ago

      Burr, Colin, Please keep warm and Happy...I hate to say but the weather is Beautiful, not like last year when it was COLD here as well. Doing a lot of walking, and talking and yes, I will continue to Hub away...Thank you my Friend.

      Hi "Always Exploring" they say if you make one Good Friend, it's worth it, and I did meet another "Rebel" at the Women's Club, and we do have a lot of Laughs, and our Husbands get along. So glad you Enjoyed the read and could relate too.

      "

      No Frog Prince he won't...but neither will I,... and I hear "Elections" are around the corner.

    • Erin LeFey profile image

      Erin LeFey 5 years ago from Maryland

      b. Malin,

      What a nice hub! I've never belonged to a Women's club. I've never heard of one either, I guess I'm not hanging in the right circles! Poor Bob, his reality is about to be checked...I don't feel sorry for him, but I hate to think you might have taken on more stress than you want on vacation! Have a wonderful time! Erin

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 5 years ago from England

      Hi, I would have thrown something at those workmen! and go for it! lol! that Bob has got it coming to him, go b. Malin! keep us informed! ha ha!

    • The Frog Prince profile image

      The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX

      Classic b. malin. But I'm sure Bob isn't going to lose any sleep! LMBO

      The Frog

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

      I'm laughing out loud. Poor old Bob. HaHa I've been called a snow bird before, used to spend winter's ( 8 ) in Leesburg, Fl. I loved it. The woman's club i belonged to was called, ' The red hats club ' Pretty pitiful looking, all the red hats. ( I don't miss that. HaHa ) This was so much fun to read.. Thank you for sharing..

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 5 years ago

      ......so you went down south and left me behind - lol - well the weather report here is : first major snowfall of the season by lake erie time 3:09pm and cold too with my friend the furnace coming on frequently - and yes I have seen you grow with confidence in your writing and it's been one of my highlights here at the Hub watching and reading your artistic/creative progress - hope you had a safe trip and please look after yourself with care and keep writing .....

    • b. Malin profile image
      Author

      b. Malin 5 years ago

      Me too Sweetie, Me too. So Glad you Enjoyed the read, and Thanks so much for your Vote!

      Hi Mslizzee, I've missed you! Thanks for your comments, always appreciated.

      Now, Now Will, you need to meet this guy Bob, and all the problems that he has created for these Condo owners...we are only renting, they have to live with it. So thank you for the Almost.

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      I almost feel sorry for poor old Bob! Almost.

    • mslizzee profile image

      elizabeth 5 years ago from Buncombe County, NC

      This is so cute and clever. Thank you.

    • sweetie1 profile image

      sweetie1 5 years ago from India

      Hi B Malin , i have never won with my tickets too , and yes even if they are for good cause, I always want to win the pirzes there. Very nice hub..voted it up