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Updated on November 8, 2015

Frozen solid.


Life I find is all about learning
Not about money,or what your earning.
If your supposed to be happy
Then it will eventually come
It won't pass you by
Seems uneven for some.
Fate deals out tragedy
And happiness for some
Leaves some people with feelings
But leaves others quite numb.
Watched people suffer from a horrendous thing
They end up crying,sometimes they sing
They're up and down
You can sympathise
All through the night
Hear their saddening cries.
I wish I could take away
Just some of the pain
I feel I could help
I can help them regain
Just a piece of their sanity
Talk them out of doing something bad
It often ends in tragedy
Ending with more friends being sad.
If you feel you can help
I would definitely try
Might give them a new hope
Might not hear them cry.
Might soften the blow
Might ease the terrible weight
Might open new routes
Take them through a happy gate.
You feel sometimes helpless
You feel your no use
Don't abandon them now
Or try to make an excuse.
Even if your close
You are still doing your bit
They might confide in you
Continue to sit.
You'll be appreciated
Even though it feels wrong
It helps more than you know
Gain a right from the wrong.

Unsettling and sickening.

when it happens it comes at you in droves.Your nerves occasionally crack,then all your functions you normally rely on crash and burn all at the same time.your words are jumbled,you cannot put a sentence together.All the while your stomach is churning and churning,making you feel sick to the pit of it.Theres nothing you can do,unfortunately you can only grin and suffer in silence,hoping that it passes quickly without too much embarrassment.I tend to get nervy and tongue tied in the presence of women I don't know,or in a crowd of people.externally to people I know I appear supremely confident,but in front of a crowd or a lady I'm a babbling mess at's a curse I've always had.unfortunately I might have to suffer for sometime yet.there are no signs of it leaving me as yet.

Stomach churning.


look away,face goes red

in your ego,you feel like your dead

shame spiral runs,stomach bowls over

one more mistake,you know it's over

look stupid as can be,no solution in sight

hoping your words don't put you in a fight

plodding forwards as you always do

hope you don't show up more than a few.



one day long ago I thought I was being watched by a couple of ladies.i was only 18 years of age,I was suited and booted as they say.i was told I looked pretty sharp.i was walking down my street and happened to look at the opposite side of the road.two ladies about my age were smiling at me.i felt the inevitable nerves kick in.i tried to put on my coolest walk and appear at least in some form of control.i proceeded to kick my own heel ,and ended up face down on the Tarmac. The laughter of the people in the immediate surroundings were cutting to say the least.i stood up and walked as fast as my legs could carry me back to my house.i laugh about it now,but I was not a happy person when it happened .Nerves play a big part in a lot of people's can quite literally mean the difference between success and failure ,depending on what your nerves do on that day.

Some people drug the issue away.

I've known a few people over the years who suffered a nervous disposition.A few of my friends at the time hid their problem by using drugs.It was a big part of a lot of my old friends lives,and remains so till this day.i see the shells of former friends appear in front of me.its unsettling to think of the way they looked before,and what the drugs have done to them now.They are so reliant on the drugs ,it pretty much rules their lives and their wallets. A few people I knew in the past chose Valium as a tool for calming the nerves.i can't say from personal experience if it ever worked for them,as I never tried the drug myself. They did seem a lot calmer,but their functions were dampened very significantly.I'm not sure if I preferred to speak to the calm friend or the nervous's very much a Jekyl and Hyde existence for a lot of them.Crime inevitably came in to their lives as a resort of using the drugs as well.their habit needed funding,and since they were not employed,they turned to crime to feed their was very sad to see the desecration of personal friends wear away in front of my eyes.


my community is blighted by drugs,and has been for many years.the authorities seem powerless to intervene.they try many schemes and fixes,but nothing ever seems to work.i don't envy the people tasked with finding a solution to a huge problem in Scotland as a whole.The money thrown in to drug rehabilitation every year soars in to the millions of pounds. Yet at the end of the money trail,there never seems to be any progress made.Mps and other people in authority are basically banging their heads of a hard drug wall,and going down fast. Granted though,a lot of political parties try as much as they can to ignore the drug issue,it's not a campaign winning issue like education or the Nhs.time and experts in the field need to be thrown head first in to solving the UK wide problem.if it's not taken seriously,it's only going to get worse.

Me on a good day.

Problem in view.

When nerves kick in,what do you do?

See results


close members of my family have used and still do use drugs as a crutch to lean on.i watch as they waste thousands of pounds every year on a drug that totally commands their every waking moment.its hard,as I feel powerless to help.i wish I could wave a magic wand,and just make it all better,sadly but ,real life is very different from fairy tales.reality bites hard for drug users.i watch lots of them starting their working lives being pretty affluent,then over the years of drug use,you see the depletion of all their money.its a horrible thing to watch. A once proud and hardy friend ,reduced gradually to a quivering and penniless wreck.


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    • bigj1969 profile imageAUTHOR

      John Marshall 

      3 years ago from glasgow

      Thanks for the wise words nellieanna.

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 

      3 years ago from TEXAS

      I'm happy to see your countenance on a good day, John! Would earnestly hope those kinds of days outnumber those not-as-good days.

      That surely has to be fiercely heartbreaking, to have to helplessly witness beloved others destroying themselves with drugs. And of course, anyone other than themselves IS helpless to prevent it, unless - possibly - via an all-out intervention, forcing them, however unwillingly, to go through a professional rehab program. Even there, results can be effective only when they, themselves, finally feel fully willing to let go of the addiction and go forth into life, really changed from within.

      About the 3 choices on the poll, I couldn't honestly select any one of them as worded. So here are my honest answers:

      SMILE, HOPE IT PASSES. . . .

      . . . No, - you see, I KNOW that, whether or not the external source of sorrow passes, its effects on me WILL pass unless I'm determined to cling to my sorrow, in which case it all can and will linger till I let go of it.


      . . . No. Run to where? You see, one cannot put physical distance between oneself and the internal reaction of sorrow which one continues to nourish inside oneself over external things one cannot alter. Of course, if one's own choices or actions and their consequences ARE contributing to the bad situation and ARE part of the source of one's grief, the only escape from that tangle is to do what one must and can do to correct and reverse those consequences; then to not repeat and to let them go.


      . . . . Um, no. You see, the only person IS oneself needing or capable to fully understand, accept and contribute one’s part towards remedying the bad situation &/or to relieve one's own self-punishment, which may be expressing itself in feeling like a nervous wreck over it even if one is not at all the cause of the situation. Explanations to others are virtually futile unless they are a small part of apologizing for any of one's own actual contribution to the problem, in which case, demonstrating one cares says more than all the explanations one could find words for, anyway. One cannot explain away or fix others' misconception that one IS the source or cause of THEIR own misery, especially if it's all in their heads, by the way. Trying to just intensifies it. It's almost as if explanations make it worse, whether one is innocent or guilty of actual offense or contribution to the situation in progress. The other(s) have a whole other subjective 'take' on it, and everything else coming into their consciousness is shaped to fit their own perceptions, except possibly one’s heartfelt demonstration of real love and caring, which may surprise them, but seldom will offend or alienate them, whether or not it changes them. Though they will likely continue to follow their own paths, it will alleviate much of your sorrow and nervous wreckage and/or sense of guilt that maybe you could have done more. You will have done what you could and should and will be helping the only person fully within you power a choice to help and/or to change in any way.

      I guess I ought to say, if you don’t want to hear my responses, don’t ask the questions! (wink) You are a good person, by the way.


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