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The Best Dentist Jokes
Nobody enjoys going to the dentist. Although we joke about it, even the best and bravest among us probably have a secret fear of going to the teeth doctor. Somehow, the idea of someone poking around in our mouths with scary looking metal instruments is not our idea of fun. But the prospect of going through life without teeth, or of meeting a handsome and eligible doctor, does serve to make the visit a little more bearable. And these dentist jokes help too.
A man and a woman entered the dentist’s office. The man was red in the face and was obviously under some amount of stress. He explained that he needed a tooth extracted, but they were in a big hurry as they have to catch a flight in one and a half hours, and the drive to the airport would take an hour.
“So,” continued the man. “I don’t want you to waste time on gas or injections or anything like that. Just get in there and pull out the tooth.”
“An extraction without any form of anesthesia would result in a fair amount of pain. Perhaps you would consider...”
“No, no, no,” the man was adamant. “I told you I don’t have time for all this. Don’t worry, we can take any amount of pain.”
And turning to the woman, “Okay, honey. Show him the tooth that’s giving you problems.”
A rather forgetful dentist was invited to speak at a hotel banquet about, of all things, dental hygiene. When he arrived at the banquet, he seated himself at the head table only to suddenly realize that he had forgotten to put on his false teeth. He was in a state of panic as it just won’t do to have a speaker with no teeth talk about dental hygiene. And besides, most people don’t understand him too well without his teeth.
He managed to explain the situation to the man seated next to him, and was about to leave for home to get his teeth, when the man smiled and said, “No problem, I just happen to have a spare. Try these on,” and the man passed the speaker a pair of dentures.
The speaker couldn’t believe his luck. He tried on the dentures but they didn’t fit well. “They’re too loose,” he said.
“No worries,” the man said. He reached into another pocket and produced another pair of dentures. “Try these.”
The speaker had no idea why the man would be carrying 2 sets of dentures with him but he wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. He tried on the second pair but they were too tight.
“Okay, I have got one last pair,” the man said. And he produced a third set of dentures from his briefcase.
And they were a perfect fit. The rest of the evening went without a hitch, with the speaker giving a flawless speech and rounding it off with a great dinner.
At the end of the evening, the speaker thanked the man and since they were in the same profession, asked for his name card.
“Oh, you’re mistaken,” said the man. “I’m not a dentist. I’m the local undertaker.”
A young man was having lunch at McDonald's when an elderly couple sat down at the table in front of him. They had ordered one cheeseburger, fries and a drink, and had asked for an extra cup. As he watched, the elderly man carefully divided the cheeseburger in half, counted out the fries so that they each had exactly half and poured half of the drink into the extra cup.
The man set the lady’s half of the meal in front of her and then proceeded to eat his half. The lady just sat on her chair with her arms folded and watched him.
The young man was from a poor family, so he knew what it was like to be on a very limited budget. He went up to the couple, introduced himself and politely made some small talk. He then remarked that they seem to be sharing a meal and offered to buy them another meal.
“That’s real sweet of you, young man,” The man replied. “But we’re fine. At our age we don’t need too much food so half of a meal is just right. But thanks for the offer.”
The young man then asked the lady why she doesn’t seem to be eating.
“Ohh, I’ll eat after he does,” she replied. “It's his turn with the teeth!"
It was nearly closing time when Harry sat down at the bar. Sally was seated next to him nursing a Bloody Mary. Their eyes met and they started talking. By closing time they were really hitting it off and decided to carry on their conversation at Sally’s place.
When they arrived at Sally’s place, and after they took off their shoes and socks, Harry excused himself to wash his hands.
After a few drinks, Harry was feeling a little warm. So, he took off his coat and tie, and excused himself to wash his hands.
When he came back, Sally said, “You must be a dentist!”
Harry was suitably impressed. “Wow! Beauty AND brains too. I’m a lucky guy.” And Sally was pretty pleased with Harry’s compliment as well.
Well, after this, one thing led to another, and they ended up in Sally’s bedroom. Things became more and more passionate and.... let’s just say that they did what came naturally.
As they were lying on the bed after their passionate deed was done, the woman remarked, "You must be a GREAT dentist!"
Harry was again surprised and very pleased, and said 'Right again! All my patients tell me that. After leaving my chair, they always said that they’d come back because they didn’t feel a thing. How did you know that?”
Sally replied, “It’s easy. I, too, didn’t feel a thing.”
The night before their big exam, four students from the Dental College decided that they had it with studying and went drinking till the wee hours of the morning. When they woke up the next morning, they realized that it was one hour to their exam and they were totally unprepared.
So, after showering and shaving, they came up with a plan. They put some grease and mud on their clothes, messed up their hair, and made sure they got some grease on their faces as well.
And then they approached the professor, “Professor, I don’t think we are able to take the exam today. We went to a friend’s wedding last night. But on the way back, the car slipped into a muddy ditch. We spent an hour getting it out. And then the tyre blew. We tried changing the tyre but couldn’t quite figure it out so we pushed the car all the way back and arrived just minutes ago.”
The professor could smell a scam a mile away, having been the perpetrator of quite a few in his younger days. But he decided not to call their bluff and told them that they could take their exam in the next few days.
They studied really hard this time, and when the day of their exam came, they were fully prepared. They arrived half an hour early and were seated at their usual spots when the professor came in and told them that they were going to take a special exam.
The questions in this special exam were tailored just for the 4 of them. There are just 2 questions in the exam, they will have only 5 minutes to complete both questions and they have to take the exam in separate classrooms.
Rather intrigued, each of them sat down in their separate classrooms and read the 2 questions in their special exam: Question 1: (50 marks)
What is the name of the friend whose wedding you attended?
Question 2: (50 marks)
Which tire blew?
I was waiting nervously to see the dentist when a woman breezed into the room from the dentist’s inner office. She looked like she had just emerged from the most luxurious spa in the world and not from a room in which they put tubes and metal instruments in your mouth. She greeted everybody in the room, and sat down next to me as I think she sensed that I was nervous.
“You look nervous,” she said. “I know for a fact that he is the best dentist in the world. He will take care of your every need and he’s so gentle and understanding too. I can guarantee you that you will not feel even a twinge of pain.”
And with that, she breezed out of the room just as she’d breezed in, leaving everyone feeling refreshed and actually looking forward to meeting the dentist.
When it was my turn to go in, I went in with a smile on my face. And when I met the dentist, I complimented him on the great job he did of putting his patients at ease. I told him about the woman who acted like she just came out from a spa when she walked out of his office.
He paused for a moment, and then his eyes lit up, “I know who you are talking about. You met my mother.”