ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The Best Mother-In-Law Jokes

Updated on September 2, 2014
They were so in love, and their life was perfect.... until they met THE MOTHER-IN-LAW.
They were so in love, and their life was perfect.... until they met THE MOTHER-IN-LAW. | Source

Mother-in-laws are the butt of many jokes, and I’m sure that even the very best mother-in-law is sometimes bad enough to deserve of the jokes. And while these are just jokes, I thank my lucky stars that I do not have to find out firsthand if a mother-in-law is really as bad as these jokes make her out to be.
____________________________


A Son-In-Law's Love for His Mother-In-Law

During their holiday in Jerusalem, George’s mother-in-law died. It wasn’t totally unexpected as she was old and frail, and the doctor had said that her time was limited. She was in Jerusalem as her last wish was to visit it before it was her time.

It was quite a hassle contacting the proper authorities, getting certification for her death, and making sure all proper procedures were followed but after five days, he managed to get everything done. He was told that the final step would be to approach the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the US for a proper burial.

The Consul was sympathetic, and after offering his sincere condolences, told George that sending her mother-in-law back to the States is going to be very expensive. He didn’t have the exact amount at hand, but it will be in the region of $5000, give or take a few hundred dollars.

The Consul offered the alternative of a local burial. She would be buried on land owned by Israel, but under an agreement between Israel and the United States government, the land is guaranteed to remain as a burial ground for the next one hundred years.

George thought for a moment and decided against a local burial. “I’ll foot the bill. Just let me know how much and the relevant documents that you need.”

“You must love your mother-in-law very much,” the Consul said.

“I do but it’s not that,” George said. “You see, I know of a case many years ago of a person that was buried right here in Jerusalem. After three days he rose from the dead! I just can't take that chance with my mother-in-law.”

————————————————————————————————————


The Dying Man

Stephen had an inkling that something was wrong when he had a fever that won’t go away. But he refused to see a doctor claiming that he was just battling a super strong bug. Before long, other symptoms like nausea, vomiting and dizziness developed and he could no longer postpone a trip to the doctor.

After numerous CAT scans, X-rays, blood tests and MRIs, the doctor told him the bad news. He had a particular malignant form of cancer, and patients at his stage of the disease would normally have about six months to live. The good news was that the symptoms can be controlled, and he should have a relatively good quality of life until the very end. The doctor advised Stephen to put his affairs in order and to live the last months of his life to the fullest possible.

Stephen thought for a moment and replied, “I hear you, Doc. I think I’ll go and stay with my mother-in-law.”

“Of all the people, why your mother-in-law? I thought you told me that you are not exactly her favorite son-in-law?” The doctor asked.

“Right,” Stephen said. “These last six months will be the longest six months of my life.”

Source: http://www.emmitsburg.net/humor/archives/about_women/women_5.htm

————————————————————————————————————

The Lion's the One in Trouble

A big-game hunter took his wife and mother-in-law on safari. It was quite an enjoyable experience and his mother-in-law turned out to be quite the intrepid hunter. In fact, he found himself bonding well with her and was teaching her the tricks of the trade.

On the last night of the safari, his wife woke him up and told him that she couldn’t find her mother. She was worried that her mother had wandered off into the jungle on her own as she had jokingly talked about doing her first solo.

So, the hunter, along with his wife, took off into the jungle to look for his mother-in-law. On a hunch, he headed for a clearing that they had spotted earlier in the day and he’d told her that that would be a good spot for a night hunt.

When they reached the clearing, they came upon a chilling sight. In the clear moonlight, they could see his mother-in-law standing face to face with a large male lion. They were barely a meter apart, and both of them were motionless, staring into each other’s eyes.

The wife whispered, "What are we going to do?"

"Nothing," the husband whispered back. "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."

Source: http://www.motherinlawstories.com/mother-in-law_jokes_page.htm

————————————————————————————————————

The True Mother-In-Law

The wise King Solomon was holding court one day when two women crashed into the court dragging a young man between them.

“This young man agreed to marry my daughter, …” The first woman said.

“No, he agreed to marry MY daughter,” The second woman interrupted.

And they begun arguing with each laying claim to the young man as her son-in-law.

The King called for silence and questioned each of the women in turn and then he questioned the young man. The King was a wise and intelligent man but for the life of him, he couldn’t find anything to favor one woman over the other.

So he called for his biggest sword and said, “I can’t find any reason to bestow this young man to one of you over the other. So, with this sword, I shall cut him in half and you shall both have one half of him.”

“If I can’t have all of him, one half of him will do just fine,” the first woman said.

“No! If there is no other way, then I withdraw my claim,” the second woman said.

“Then,” the King said turning to the first woman. “You shall have this young man as your son-in-law.”

The King’s court was quick to raise a protest, “But she was ready to see him killed.”

"Indeed," said the wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law."

Source: http://www.craziestjokes.com/controlling-mother-in-law-jokes.html

————————————————————————————————————

The Mother-In-Law's Insult

It had been an exceptionally peaceful and uneventful day at work and the man came home hoping to round off the day with a cold beer and some sports action on television. But he walked in the door to find his favorite lady crying.

“What’s the manner dear?” he said. “What got you so upset?”

“Your mother insulted me," she sobbed.

“My mother? She’s on vacation halfway across the world and she promised not to call as it’s too expensive. Did she call and say something?”

“No,” the woman said. “A letter from her arrived today addressed to you. Remember that when we got married you said that we should share everything, and that what’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is yours? Well, I got curious and thought that you won’t mind if I opened the letter and read it.”

“What did she say?” The man was puzzled as her mother had always liked Diane. “She has always said nice things about you, even when you were not around. What could she have said that upset you so?”

“See for yourself,” Diane thrust the letter into her husband’s hands. “Read the last line.”

The man took the letter and read the last line, “PS Dear Diane, please don’t forget to give this letter to my son after you have read it.”

————————————————————————————————————

A Mother and the Daughter-In-Law

It had been a long and sometimes arduous courtship. There were many happy moments, and some sad ones, but finally, after everything had been said and done, the man decided that Linda is the girl that he wanted as his wife.

Being the perennial joker, he decided to make Linda’s introduction to his mother a little different. He would bring Linda, along with 2 other women to meet his mother, and see if she can figure out which one is to be his bride.

So, after telling all three women to say that they loved him very much and wanted to marry him, James brought Mary, Linda and Georgina to meet his mother. James’ mother and the three women sat down and had a nice pleasant chat, during which his mother made no attempt to determine any of the women’s feelings for James.

After the women left, James asked his mother, “So, who do you think it is?”

Without hesitating, James’ mother said, “Linda.”

“Wow, how did you know?” James said.

“I don’t like her.”

————————————————————————————————————

The Man Who Was not Afraid of the Devil

In his sermon, the pastor was talking about the fear of Satan and how, when we fear Satan, we actually play right into his hands. He said that we should stand firm in the face of evil, and if Satan himself was to appear in the church right then, we should look Satan in the eye and stare him down.

Just at the moment after the pastor said those words, there was a shimmering in the air next to the pastor. It looked a little like in the sci-fi movies when someone was opening a wormhole and trying to come through. And suddenly, Satan appeared right next to the pastor.

And Satan spoke in a slow and deliberate manner, “So, pastor, are you going to stare me down?”

There was a dead silence in the church as the pastor looked at Satan. Satan is a big and tall guy, and when they were standing face to face, the pastor was staring at Satan’s chest. And it was a chest that will put any bodybuilder to shame.

“Well,” thundered Satan. “Are you even going to looking me in the eye?”

And the pastor bolted. He ran straight down the center aisle and out the door. And amazingly, throughout all this, everybody was rooted to their seats. Nobody fainted, or screamed, or ran.

Satan turned and faced the congregation. Every part of his body is bright red in colour and he seemed to emit a strange unearthly glow. He has two small horns growing out of his head, and pointed ears like a Vulcan we know and love. His most notable feature are his eyes, eyes that can look right through you and drag you into a bottomless pit.

“So, who else wants to look me in the eye and stare me down?”

And that did it. Everybody panicked and the room was cleared in 30 seconds flat.

Except for an elderly gentleman in the front row who didn’t seem too concerned about running away or staring Satan in the eye.

“Do you know who I am?” Satan was now staring straight at the man, expecting him to turn tail and run at any moment.

“Hmmm, horns, bright red colour, unpleasant personality, I think I do.” The man replied.

“And you are not afraid of me?” The devil growled.

“Nope,” the man nonchalantly replied.

“And WHY?!?!” Satan was practically boiling with rage at this puny human who was not afraid of him, the ruler of the Underworld.

“I had your sister as my mother-in-law for the past 40 years. You’re just a pussycat compared to her.”

Source: http://www.jokeindex.com/joke.asp?Joke=2202

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • wandererh profile imageAUTHOR

      David Lim 

      6 years ago from Singapore

      Perspycacious - I'm sure that most in-laws are really nice, but it's the "wayward" ones that we hear about in these jokes. :)

    • Perspycacious profile image

      Demas W Jasper 

      6 years ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

      Both my m-in-laws are dead but they were angels even before they died.

    • wandererh profile imageAUTHOR

      David Lim 

      6 years ago from Singapore

      Anjo Bacarisas II - A mother and daughter-in-law cannot get along, so the future mother-in-law simply used her instincts. :)

    • Anjo Bacarisas II profile image

      Anjo Bacarisas II 

      6 years ago from Cagayan de Oro, Philippines

      A Mother and the Daughter-In-Law... HAHAHA.. i like it, this brought a very good laugh.. thanks for sharing :)

    • wandererh profile imageAUTHOR

      David Lim 

      6 years ago from Singapore

      Thanks AJ! :)

    • profile image

      A.J 

      6 years ago

      Eish hectic stuff, but sure made me laugh. Thanks :)

    • wandererh profile imageAUTHOR

      David Lim 

      7 years ago from Singapore

      Divya - It was my pleasure. :)

    • profile image

      Divya 

      7 years ago

      Thanks for the jokes, they wee really funny and interesting.

    • wandererh profile imageAUTHOR

      David Lim 

      7 years ago from Singapore

      cwarden - No problem. :)

    • cwarden profile image

      cwarden 

      7 years ago from USA

      These are great. Thanks for the laugh!

    • wandererh profile imageAUTHOR

      David Lim 

      7 years ago from Singapore

      KoffeeKlatch Gals - Wow, you are the second person to like the lion joke. Mother-in-laws must be really as bad as these jokes make them out to be. :)

    • KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

      Susan Hazelton 

      7 years ago from Sunny Florida

      Very funny - thanks for the laugh. I loved them especially the lion one.

    • wandererh profile imageAUTHOR

      David Lim 

      7 years ago from Singapore

      gajanis786 - Nice one. Now I can call my future mother-in-law an angel and still really mean it. :)

    • gajanis786 profile image

      gajanis786 

      7 years ago

      Nice and interesting.....let me add one here too...

      Fred and Rick were in a pub. Fred says to his mate, 'My mother-in-law is an angel.'

      Rick replies, 'You're lucky. Mine is still alive.'

      Thanks.

    • wandererh profile imageAUTHOR

      David Lim 

      7 years ago from Singapore

      Genna East - Well, there are always exceptions to every rule, and I'm sure you will be the one. :)

      Hello, hello, - I hope she does. I would enjoy a good "The Best Son-In-Law Jokes" hub. :)

    • Hello, hello, profile image

      Hello, hello, 

      7 years ago from London, UK

      I hope your mother-in-law reads that and pays you back.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 

      7 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Having just become a mother-in-law myself, I read these with great interest! Wonderful, delightful hub, and a great read with my morning coffee; thank you!

    • wandererh profile imageAUTHOR

      David Lim 

      7 years ago from Singapore

      Twilight Lawns - Yep, that was one brave lion. :)

    • Twilight Lawns profile image

      Twilight Lawns 

      7 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Ha ha ha ha...especially the one about the lion.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)