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The Bitter Truth That Leads To Happiness

Updated on December 6, 2016
Forgive me for the horrendous handwriting!
Forgive me for the horrendous handwriting!

The Power Of Putting Pen On Paper

So, it seems that literally writing down things really helps me a lot with my writer's block! I dont know the science behind it but maybe I should look into it! I start writing like no one's business when you give me a paper and pen, but if you put me in front of a monitor and open a new page of Word then I just go blank!

I guess I have found my method, of sorts. So from now on I will be writing things on paper and then put it on Hubpages.

Can You Cuddle Me? I am cold...
Can You Cuddle Me? I am cold... | Source

A Dark Realization

I have come to some realization in my life. Which is that life is essentially a disappointment. Wait a second. Here me out. There is a reason why life is a disappointment. And as time goes by I have noticed that it might have something to do with our expectations. Especially expectations for the people close to us.

The closer the person is to us, the higher our expectations of them will be. And this is why more often than not, it is the ones closest to us that can hurt us the most. It is what we call a Hedgehog's Dilemma. Hedgehogs have sharp needles around their body, yet when it is cold they huddle together and because of getting close to each other they tend to prick one another.

What Is Too Much?

Sure you can probably say, "well, may be you have too much expectations." Well, how much is too much? it is pretty relative. An aging parent will expect their child to take care of them, is that expecting too much?

I have found myself expecting "too much" if you will from people close to me, particularly my family. And this has cause me to experience a lot of hurt, pain, anger, I feel let down and betrayed by the very people who I trust the most.

Especially after I got married and became a father, I expected them to make a change. Now when I look back at it, I feel so stupid. I mean expecting people who have been living a certain way for decades will change over night just because you? YOU? Even I will find it to be a gargantuan feat to change myself over night. And as you grow older it will be harder for you to change your ways.

What Is So Special About You?

The big question is this: Why would people change because of you?

And if you cannot find a concrete answer to that question then I guess you have no right or reason to feel hurt or angered or betrayed if people do not meet even one iota of your expectations. Even if that "people" is someone close to you. If you do have a concrete answer or reason, then congrats you now have a reason to live in anger and hatred and be an all around miserable bitter person.

You may feel hurt because for you, he/she is someone you feel close to, but the feeling might not be mutual. So never be attached by your perception of closeness. Because if there is one thing I have learned is that the people who means the world to you, might not think you are the world for them. So stop being so self centered.

Do not fight the fact that you do not matter. This inner struggle you have to put the pieces that are broken. Pieces of this beautiful fragile statue you have built for this person in your mind. Do not get stuck to it. Because ones that fragile statue is shattered then you can feel a world of hurt. Because we do not love the person, we love the fragile statue of that person we built.

What I am saying may sound cynical but it is not. A cynical person is very prejudiced towards the world. Not knowing anything or anyone and yet have this bitter, loathing point of view. He has painted this negative and scary painting on the canvas of his mind and now he is frightened by his own masterpiece.

I am telling you not to paint anything, Just accept people without any expectation whatsoever. We have become habitual of how things are when we are growing up that we did not realize it.

So beautiful, so fragile
So beautiful, so fragile

Looking for (Unconditional) Love.

Here is something you should accept and acknowledge. Stop looking for Unconditional love. As long as your love is conditional, you will never experience unconditional love. Love resonates. The amount of love you give, that same amount you will receive. There is no other way around it.

There are people who say a parents's love is unconditional. But I beg to differ. May be it was true when you were still a child and still innocent. But as you grow up, They will not love you so much when you do not contribute.

And that right there is they key: Contribute.

It also has something to do with a question I asked beforehand: What is so special about you?

Based on my own experience: Parents will prefer a child who can contribute and help them the most. There is no "I love my kids all equally". Trust me they have a favorite, sorry to break your bubble. Any parents who comes to me and say I love my children equally, I tell them to please say that to themselves.

Contribution is the key. Not just parents, but the whole world. So if you want to receive unconditional love, there is a condition, you will need to drown all your expectations on humanity and instead of being a cynic, you love them tremendously and contribute to them immensely. You know, like The Buddha.

Love In A Capitalistic World

The one thing that came to my mind when I wrote about how to receive unconditional love was how to implement it in a capitalistic world. Because majority of this world is capitalistic. We are drowning in expectations, the world it seems does not have any place for free unconditional love. Unconditional love seems like an expensive luxury, which probably comes in a tablet form which we have to drink every morning?

I feel there is nothing wrong with capitalism, otherwise we would be living in a jungle and we have to fight for our territory, and trust me, I am not good at fighting. Not my forte. However, there should be a balance.

If there is no balance then it will be like the Grapes of Wrath where you have to burn the oranges otherwise no one would buy oranges for 20 cents. That is where unconditional love comes. Unconditional love is to give without expecting, and it feels undeniably good. It feels good because that is what we are wired to do. Try it.

The next time you go to buy a Big Mac in McDonald's buy two of them and give one to a homeless person. See how good that feels. Be in this world but not of this world. When you can do that, please let me know how.

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    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 10 months ago from Olympia, WA

      I could not agree more about expectations. Many live in a delusional world of dreams and what-ifs, and many expect more than they ever can accomplish or acquire. I'm in the now....right now...this is my life, and it is my job to make it the best "now" possible.

      blessings my friend