- Books, Literature, and Writing»
- Commercial & Creative Writing»
- Creative Writing»
- Humor Writing
The Cyberwarrior 500 Bedpan: A Troll's Best Friend
Are you a troll? Do you like to start forum threads about gays or abortion? Do you like God a lot and use the Bible to make other people feel like crap? Are you an atheist and like to use science and reason to piss off your Christian friends? Or how about politics: do you like Obama and enjoy telling conservatives how awesome America is now? Maybe you are conservative and nothing makes you as happy as pointing out how the world is going to end now that Obama is in office.
Well, whoever you are, you know the joy of posting on forums and in hub comments with the sole purpose of pissing people off. What blissful delight it is to see the spasms to which people go when you have insulted them and tried to take their dignity. You can just hear the spite and anger in the tap-tapping of their keys as they try to argue with your monstrous replies. There’s nothing like seeing apoplexy in action through the spurious indignation that trolling can put people through. Making others feel like garbage is fun!
But what about you? You spend all your time worried about how others feel. You spend all your time trying to insult and infuriate, to demean, demoralize and degrade. But what about your feelings? When was the last time you did something for yourself? If you’re like us here at Cyberwarrior Manufacturing, you often forget to take care of yourself. And that’s why we have invented the Cyberwarrior 500 Bedpan, “a troll’s best friend.”
The Cyberwarrior 500
With your Cyberwarrior 500 Bedpan, you never have to get up again. You can just sit there and crap real crap while you type that cruel crap you spew all day. Think of it, you’ll never have to get up again. You just let ‘er rip whenever you’re in the mood without missing a single sentence of hate or dropping a moment’s vitriol. Just imagine how much additional fury and rage you will be able to cause if you don’t have to stop three or four times a day for a bathroom break. You might even be able to make some old lady cry!
Making that even more possible, the Cyberwarrior 500 Bedpan NEVER has to be emptied so you don't miss a moment of being mean. Thanks to one of our inventors here at Cyberwarrior Manufacturing, the Cyberwarrior 500 has a “Troll Spigot Security Drain” system that allows the contents to remove themselves without any effort from you at all.
So there you have it, my troll friends, the Cyberwarrior 500 Bedpan. It’s a way to treat yourself to more trolling than ever before. Rudeness, disrespect, blindness, ignorance and cowardly online savagery never had a better ally than the Cyberwarrior 500 Bedpan.
Have some fun and drop a deuce in this awesome product today. Made from solid semi-stainless steel, your Cyberwarrior 500 Bedpan will be your butt’s best friend for years to come. If you order now, we’ll even throw in a pack of six Cyberwarrior 500 scented candles to fend off the stench of all the, uh, whiny people typing their little, sniveling goody-goody responses to that brilliance you post all day long.
To order, just call 1-800-1-BedPan or leave your credit card number at the bottom of this article. (Yes, other people will probably come along and steal your credit card number if you do that, but hey, you are a troll so you probably don’t have a job, so it’s not like you have any money anyway, so why worry?)
Cyberwarrior 500 Marketing Survey
After viewing this promotional article, will you be purchasing a Cyberwarrior 500 for yourself or someone you love?
If You Enjoyed This, Check Out...
- Shadesbreath's official Facebook Page (as opposed to the unofficial one presumably)
Fight the villany of trolls by joining me on Facebook. :)
Check out my latest novel, short stories, novellas and even my blog. If you are a reader who enjoys fiction, science fiction, or fantasy, there's something here for you. Something for the comedy fans too. Stop by and have a look.