The Dark Room
No one is perfect! Yes, we get the point. People make mistakes in their lives that either brought destruction to others or their own demise. However, whenever one makes a mistake people are quick to judge and scoff others without knowing who you are and the story behind that mistake. It’s given and it’s scary how this has become natural in this age we are living in. We have all become judgmental in nature whether we like it or not. That is why a lot of people hide their true self so that others will not be able to judge who they are. No one wants to be judged unfairly and because of that, no one wants to become an open book nowadays. That is why we have secrets.
Secrets can be categorized into bearable, moderate, and grievous.Bearable secrets are the type of secrets we can share with anyone. It has a small impact on us that sharing it with anybody doesn’t seem to affect us or other people. Moderate secrets are those secrets we share with our friends and family. These secrets can cause quite shame on our part but sharing it with people we trust makes us comfortable. And the last is grievous secrets. This type of secret is so grievous that you are afraid to share it with anyone since this could ruin your reputation and you might lose people you love. You don’t want to make people appalled by what they can discover about you, am I right? So, burying it with you is the best choice.
But, where do you hide your grievous secrets while you are still alive? Actually, your grievous secrets are hidden in your dark room. This room is neither part of your house nor part of any house. It has no structure and very different from the usual room we know; because your dark room is part of you. It is hidden inside you that only you know existed and only you can access. It is where you put your deepest, blackest, and unpleasant secrets.
What we put in our dark room varies from one person to another. Sometimes, it depends on what they experienced in the past or what they are experiencing in the present. Sometimes, this is because of the people around us or the things that we used/using that makes up our dark room. Allow me to enumerate the most common type that can be seen in a person’s dark room.
We all have become the subject of unkind laughter one way or another maybe because of our physical appearances or our characteristics. TV advertisements make us feel that we lack something that is why there is an urge to buy their products. Models and famous personalities also make us feel dubious about ourselves. We think that we are not special that is why we need to be like them in order for us to be acknowledged and accepted by everyone.
It is hard to admit that we have this kind of thinking. We want to show other people that we are proud of who we are and we can be ourselves. But, in the end, we always feel like we are not enough. Whenever we see someone more beautiful, sexy, smart, or affluent we tend to look at ourselves and compare. We also get too insecure when the people we love such as our partners look at other men/women the way our partners look at us.
Sad as it is, we would never be contented with ourselves. That is why some people go for a hunger strike – most people think that they are going on a diet but the truth is they are depriving themselves of the nutrients that their bodies need-, or undergo plastic surgeries to achieve this so-called perfection. No matter how much you see yourself as unique if there are other people who do not see the way you see it really affects how you perceive yourself. That is why we hide insecurities inside our dark room for people not to see that we don’t like ourselves. For insecurities marred us to become the best version of ourselves.
In the end, it takes someone special to change that kind of thinking. Though it might not change immediately, knowing that you are loved by someone who sees your worth despite your insecurities it gives you the feeling of comfort that you can be just yourself and not someone else. This person can be a lover, a family, a friend, or God.
Hatred is the worst form of “I don’t like you.” Usually, when it comes to hatred it is based on experiences. You must have this feeling of disdain towards your mother, father, siblings, or other people - outside your family - in the past that you still carry on until now. But why hide this? This kind of thing is a sensitive issue. You feel as if you tell anyone about this people might judge you as a person who harbors resentment from other people. There are some things that people don’t understand. That person you abhor may cause you too much pain in the past that you don’t want to open the topic again because you’re afraid to feel the same feeling you felt in the past or you’re afraid that people might misunderstand you and put the blame on you.
You would rather dump your hatred inside your dark room than to allow other people to meddle in your life. And because you know that forgiveness is the key to eliminating hatred, you also know that it is easier said than done. There are those people who inflicted too much pain that a simple forgive and forget phrase doesn’t apply to every situation. I just hope that you will always find a way to eliminate it whatever hatred a person is feeling even if it is little by little. For a deferred hatred hinders love from entering your life and deterred us from loving someone back.
We all lie, that’s given; whether it is a white lie or intentional lie. The former is quite okay but the latter is a much serious case; depending on the scale of the lie. Lies that we stock inside our dark rooms are those kinds of lies that no one should know about. These are the kind of lies that we know have big impacts on other people and to ourselves. Afraid of the consequences of those lies and afraid that we might lose someone or lose something if ever that lie broke out that is why putting it in our dark room is much safer than sharing it to someone else.
A lie is a lie no matter how we look at it or no matter how much we back it up with reasons. We know the consequences of this duplicity but we were just afraid, that is why we keep it to ourselves with the mindset that no one will ever know. But, - I don’t know – lies always get exposed no matter how much we are great at hiding it. And in the end, all we could ever do is to feel penitent about our lies. Human beings are not wise enough to remember that no lie stays as a lie forever.
Having sexual fantasies is not a quirk it is completely normal. We could fantasize during the day or during the night (when we dream). However, it is very awkward to talk about it with our peers especially with our family; as we don’t want to be labeled as perverts. For men, it is quite ordinary for them to talk about this with their bros but for women, it is not very lady-like. We are living by the norm that women should not have sexual fantasies with their opposite sexes or same sexes as women are seen to be pure both in mind and body. And this kind of behavior is known by society as errant or waywardness. That is why others obscure it. Who the heck, would be so brazen about this?
Though we live in a modern world where premarital sex is evident and live-ins are common we can’t deny the fact that whenever people knew someone has sexual fantasies they become the subject of unkind laughter and be called as immoral especially when you are Christian. Many would agree to keep it for themselves rather than to tell it to people who will broadcast it to the world.
There are some people who are really good at hiding their madness to others. They seem perfect from the outside but they have something going on the inside. Every now and then we allow madness to direct us in what to do especially when we are in the middle of a heat strife. We do things that are out of our character sometimes triggered by anger. And sometimes, it comes out on its own impulsively.
Why do we hide it? Because such behaviors are not to be condoned and not allowed to perpetuate. Would you tell your professors you have killed them a lot of times in your head because you don’t understand what he/she is teaching? Of course not! You’ll find yourself in detention by then.
This is the most common type. People tend to hide their vulnerabilities or weaknesses, afraid that other people might use it to their advantage. Even bullies have their weaknesses; it’s just that they’re just afraid to show it, which is why they bully those they see who is weaker than them because it makes them feel stronger.
We human beings perceived ourselves as a strong and independent individual. That is why most of us prefer to hide our vulnerabilities to others because we don’t want others to sympathize with us, and we don’t want to be seen as feeble. But the truth is we have our own weaknesses. We were not created to be perfect. And no matter how much we want to eradicate our vulnerabilities, flaws, imperfections, and our shortcomings they are still part of who we are.
FAILURES, DISAPPOINTMENTS, and NEGATIVITIES
We all have this with us. Sometimes, sharing it with people we trust makes us feel better but there are those fiascos in our life that we don’t want others to discover especially if our desired result has not yet been achieved. We don’t want to be called failures even though we know that nobody goes through life with a ceaseless chain of successes. That is why we rather hide it than let other haughty people advise us about success when even themselves are complacent about things.
Mostly after series of failures and disappointments, we sometimes become negative because that’s the easiest thing to feel. A person might be seen happy on the outside but no one knows what that person struggle in the inside. Being positive all the time is difficult especially when challenges in life are as hard as solving math equations and you’re that kind of student who hates numbers.
You can’t deny the fact that a dark room exists within you. You might not call it one but I’m sure you have it maybe you’re not just aware of its existence since the dark room is not the central and most active part of you. What’s inside your dark room is indefinite. It is not only limited to what has been mentioned above.
Conquering your dark room is a bit difficult. It takes time and effort to do so. There will be a lot of backsliding but just make sure it does not subjugate you. Never let these dark things overarch the person who you are, that is why make sure to clean your dark room little by little, one step at a time until your dark room becomes a white room.