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The Doorway of My Dreams

Updated on March 2, 2013
AudreyHowitt profile image

Audrey is a poet, classical singer and voice teacher, recovering attorney and licensed psychotherapist.

Martin D. Fried, 2007
Martin D. Fried, 2007 | Source






i stand at the doorway of my dreams

blue paint vibrating

against the palm of my hand

wondering whether to open the door


i touch the panel

sliding my hand down against grain

knowing that all I need to do is push


and if i were to do so

the hum of love would soak

my mind’s eye

and the wind would whisper

my name to your skin


the moisture of toes

dipped in pools

would stream to eye and line

and would dew cheek


and yet, the push

would cost--

a forgetting of sorts

an abandoning of pain

so long carried

in creases

of heart and mind

that an unfolding would,

by its nature,

expose tender points to sun

unnecessarily

they gather now

only in the creases after all

and inform the windshield of heart and eye


i sweep to one side their memory

for the moment

and slowly turn

the door, after all,

will still be there tomorrow



copyright/all rights reserved Audrey Howitt August 11, 2012. Do not copy or use without the express written permission of the author.

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    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 4 years ago from The Beautiful South

      What beautiful colorful pictures this paints. Very good, up and across.

    • rcrumple profile image

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Audrey-

      I've read this a couple of times now. Let's see if I comprehend.

      It seems as though the desire to allow oneself a chance at love is a costly one. It must be weighed for the benefits it presents, versus the pain that can occur. There is a feeling of having been hurt before and not wanting to experience it again. That pain is greater than the desire to allow love into ones life at this moment, but not shut out as a possibility forever.

      I love it, but push the other direction. Without chance, nothing is gained. Fear only hinders what is meant to be. To open the door, a little at a time, allows one to see the possibilities and then decide to go forward, or close the door forever.

      Good Poem. Hope I'm close. Up, Beautiful & Interesting!

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 4 years ago from Shelton

      truly authentic, love the flow of words and Audrey the doorway of my dreams simply delivers voted awesome!

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Frank! Greatly appreciated!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you rcrumble. For me, the piece is about making the decision to love again and the hesitations involved. I truly believe that if we love, we will be hurt, even if we try to avoid it--death of a partner being one clear example for me right now. Despite that, we make the decision again and again--because love is the way--the only way to feel whole in this world--in my humble opinion anyway--

      Thank you so very much for reading and for taking the time to comment----and for reading this piece so thoughtfully--

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Jackie--Thank you so much!

    • Victoria Lynn profile image

      Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA

      Oh, Audrey, this is so well done. Your descriptions reflect that fear, tentative feelings about loving again. It's so scary. Well done!

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

      So vividly do the words paint the picture before one's eyes, trepidation and anticipation of what is to come. Lovely. In His Love, Faith Reaper

    • writer20 profile image

      Joyce Haragsim 4 years ago from Southern Nevada

      Fantastic poem, I loved reading it.

      Voted up and awesome, Joyce

    • LaThing profile image

      LaThing 4 years ago from From a World Within, USA

      This was beautiful! Flows so well, and so much feeling in it! So true, too..... We know yet we make that choice again!

      Awesome read.....

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 4 years ago from San Francisco

      O... Oo... Ooo... Someone is raising the bar! I stand an I bow. ;-)

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      Voted up and awesome. Love this. Don't know why but reading your lovely poem I had an image of a blue door. Anyway enjoyed much and passing this on.

    • Curiad profile image

      Mark G Weller 4 years ago from Lake Charles, LA.

      Beautifuly written Audrey, the inner battle between fear and love is always there, but we must choose to move forward rather than being held back.

      Love it!

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Beautiful Audrey. Do i take a chance or do i keep the door closed? A thought many have had to answer..Loved it...

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Victoria!!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you so much Faith Reaper!

    • Amy Becherer profile image

      Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Gorgeously vivid and emotive...it feels as if a painter created a masterpiece, Audrey. Awesome

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Amazingly awesome. I've been missing your poems and wanted to see what's up. I'm pleasantly surprised. Well done:)

    • BlossomSB profile image

      Bronwen Scott-Branagan 4 years ago from Victoria, Australia

      A great thought that so many can relate to and so beautifully expressed.

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 4 years ago from New York

      You open the door with this poem, whether the door is opened in the poem or not...you open the door to our minds and let so many thoughts about this poem go in...'exposing tender points'...'abandoning of pain'....beautiful!

      Voted up, beautiful, and awesome.

    • ImKarn23 profile image

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      to love openly takes courage! Fear can only limit life, but, a fore-thought is never a bad thing!

      Talented and intelligent as always, Audrey..

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Hi Joyce! Thank you!!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you so much LaThing!

    • jhamann profile image

      Jamie Lee Hamann 4 years ago from Reno NV

      There is so much passion in this poem. Thank you Audrey for sharing such strong emotions. Jamie

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Hey Martin! Thank you so much!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Gypsy Rose Lee!!

    • mckbirdbks profile image

      mckbirdbks 4 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Not as easy to go through the door the second time. Plenty have made it to the other side safely.

    • Vinaya Ghimire profile image

      Vinaya Ghimire 4 years ago from Nepal

      Audrey,

      I loved the uniformity of the composition and the smooth flow of emotions.

      This is lovely!

    • Ruchira profile image

      Ruchira 4 years ago from United States

      beautifully expressed, Audrey!

      Dreams sure can be channel for our inspiration and success. We just gotta learn to interpret them and act accordingly 'cause that door of opportunity seldom opens.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Mark! I so appreciate your read and comments!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Hi Ruby!! Thank you! Always a question and never a clear answer--sometimes we just risk

    • Vellur profile image

      Nithya Venkat 4 years ago from Dubai

      Great poem, dreams beautifully expressed. Voted up.

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Amy!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Sunshine!! How are you??

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      I'm fine! I missed you and wanted to say hello. We get lost sometimes in the maze of hubs, but I always know where to find you:)

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Hi Blossom!! How are you! Thank you so much for the visit!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thanks Sunshine!!

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you so much Vinaya!

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you so much Ruchira!!

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you so much tillsontitan!

    • ahorseback profile image

      ahorseback 4 years ago

      Audrey , I believe that love takes an unbelievable amount of courage to make us take the chance ! Oh hell ........take it !.......:-}Awesome poem !!!

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you ImKarn!!

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 4 years ago from Singapore

      Wow, passionate and heartfelt, Audrey. This is really emotive...and reflects the pain of lost love and even more so to look at it again. A truly beautiful work.

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Ah Jamie! Thank you for the read!

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Not as easy the second time! Thank you mcbirdbks!!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Vellur!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you so much midget38!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you ahorseback--feel like I need to check in with you--it has been a while!

    • John Sarkis profile image

      John Sarkis 4 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

      hi Audrey, and what an exceptional poem this is. I always tell everyone that you're one of the most gifted poets I know - Hubpages or otherwise....

      Voted up

      John

    • prairieprincess profile image

      Sharilee Swaity 4 years ago from Canada

      Audrey, this is a beautiful sumptuous poem. I understood that it was about the risk inherent in loving again, and there is a risk in all loving, that eventually you will lose that person. But the joy is so incredible, too!

      I loved the way you put the words together. Perfect! (Voted up, more and shared)

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      Valleypoet 4 years ago

      A poem that flows beautifully and evokes lucid imagery. Voted awesome

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      Rosemary Sadler 4 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

      Audrey I love the flow of this poem.

      We are often hurt by love for various reasons, and yet we cannot live without it. Yes we hesitate and are wary of stepping through that door once again but we take the risk knowing full well we may be hurt again.

      Awesome

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you John! So very much!

    • snowdrops profile image

      snowdrops 4 years ago from The Second Star to the Right

      the poem is so beautifully well written. the photo is awesome to

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      alocsin 4 years ago from Orange County, CA

      I like the imagery and feelings with your body evoked by the poem. Voting this Up and Beautiful.

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you so much for the read prairieprincess!

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you so much Valleypoet

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Rosemary!

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      Movie Master 4 years ago from United Kingdom

      Your words paint a wonderful picture, so vivid! I love the emotion in your poetry.

      voted up/awesome

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you so much snowdrops---and thank you for the follow

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Alocsin!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Lesley!

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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      Lots of emotion and feeling and thanks for sharing it ...Poetry helps to get to know people better....

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you so much Carol!

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      Sueswan 4 years ago

      Hi Audrey

      Good to see you. I hope you enjoyed your time in Europe.

      "and yet, the push

      would cost--

      a forgetting of sorts

      an abandoning of pain

      so long carried"

      in creases

      of heart and mind

      Such pain can prevent us from opening that door.

      Voted up and away

      Have a good evening. :)

    • profile image

      Vincent Moore 4 years ago

      Definitely a lot of emotion in this beautiful piece. Your imagery proves that when used with the right words they combine to make an explosive statement. Blue is my favourite colour, yet often I have felt the loss of colour and Blue I've become. I felt your words my poet.

    • Laurinzo Scott profile image

      Live To Write 4 years ago from Phoenix, Az.

      What an incredible poem Audrey... this is one of those that is so full of emotion.. it is incredible...

    • rajan jolly profile image

      Rajan Singh Jolly 4 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

      A very powerful poem with so many messages culminating in a big one that there is hope only if one forgets the past and pushes forward. I love your choice of words and the beautiful flow of the poem rising to a cresendo, till the subject takes the chance for a better life.

      Voted up, beautiful and amazing.

      Sharing on facebook.

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      Oh my Audrey this is simply beautiful and amazing and breathtaking.. I am taken away.. I love this.. so glad I saw it on facebook

      hugs my friend... sharing

      Debbie

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      I did Sue!!! Thank you! And how are you?

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Blue is probably my favorite color as well! Thank you Vincent!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Laurinzo!

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      ..well I love standing in the doorway of your poetic dreams because you are such a lovely impressionistic writer whose words always sweetly caress me in their poetic divinity ....... sending you warm wishes and good energy from lake erie time ontario canada 12:57pm

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Rajan! And I appreciate the share! Take care!

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Deborah--and thank you for sharing!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Even your comment is poetic--thank you Epi-man!

    • coffeegginmyrice profile image

      Marites Mabugat-Simbajon 4 years ago from Toronto, Ontario

      To love again is to love again. Love is ever a fighter and can't give up no matter how much time is needed to gasp for air, to send that spot in our hearts pulsating again to bring back the feelings of love that was once lost, gone and left.

      This poem Audrey, will lead to more doorways! Beautiful!

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Audrey...What a lovely and thought-provoking Poem.....so deep and meaningful, full of the imagination of one contemplating what to do.....and finally, succumbs to what she knows she must. Beautiful & awesome

    • thelyricwriter profile image

      Richard Ricky Hale 4 years ago from West Virginia

      Voted up, awesome, and beautiful Audrey. I always get lost in your poetry. Your grace of writing and how your poem flows is well worth noting. This was beautiful writing Audrey:)

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you so much coffeegginmyrice!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you so much for reading and commenting!! I am glad that you enjoyed it!

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      Tammy 4 years ago from North Carolina

      You have one of the prettiest profiles I have seen yet.

      This is just amazing and it gives me goosebumps. The forgetting part is quite chilling! Love this one!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you thelyricwriter!

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Tammy--Once I figured out that we could use pictures, I looked through my stock--there are a number of other profiles out there in hubland that are just gorgeous!

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      Your Cousins 4 years ago from Atlanta, GA

      I like everything about this poem. I also like the blue illustration. I read through each paragraph twice to take it all in. Oh how I wanted you to go through that door! But maybe that's another poem for another time.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Your Cousins---this piece represents a part of my life long ago--but I actually wrote it recently--I did go through the door and it has been wonderful---

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Beautiful images my friend! Exquisite in fact, and thoughts that many of us share.

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      Erin Bower 4 years ago from Georgia

      This is so emotional in a good way. I love the painting! I voted this up and beautiful. :)

    • RobinGrosswirth23 profile image

      Robin Grosswirth 4 years ago from New York

      and yet, the push

      would cost--

      a forgetting of sorts

      an abandoning of pain

      so long carried

      in creases

      of heart and mind

      that an unfolding would,

      by its nature,

      expose tender points to sun

      unnecessarily

      they gather now

      only in the creases after all

      and inform the windshield of heart and eye

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      I can see the abandoning of the pain, the release of the tender parts to be lit by the healing sun and then they fold into creases. And I love the use of the windshield for the heart and eye as it shows the expanse of what lies ahead (not the rear view, which is appropriately smaller and looks back).

      Beautiful--voted up, up and away...............

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 4 years ago from Singapore

      We should all be doing the things we have a passion for, and dream about, is the message I got from this exquisite poem. So beautifully done. Thanks for the write, Audrey, and I'm sharing.

    • arb profile image

      arb 4 years ago from oregon

      What is said or how its said. Sometimes one overpowers the other. Sometimes, they conspire together and we are held in momentary captivity. Sometimes we are awakened by good poetry. It is good to be awake.

      The door will still be there tomorrow, but, then again tomorrow and tomorow and forever, endless tomorrows. And love must shake its head at our sillyness. There is no love from yesterday, less we cling to it today. Tomorrow is at best, perhaps. Today is certain.

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 4 years ago from TEXAS

      Lovely poem, dear Audrey. You write with such music and grace.

      I'm thinking it is quite possible to not harbor fear in opening the door(s) by gaining wisdom. It is so right that death of a beloved is an unavoidable hurt. Loss of love is always possible, in which case there is inevitale hurt in one or both partners.

      However, in general, common hurt is either due to really poor judgment in whom to love in the first place, in which case, early and soon rather than late could help avoid that.

      The other ingredient of much hurt in love seems to be caring more about one's own level of comfort and ease in it than in the beloved's. Most hurt seems to express itself with a major pronoun family: me, I, my, mine. When it surpasses that concern and becomes us, we, our and ours - and at times, just you, your, yours, or thou and thine, hurt becomes much less likely and/or applicable.

      In any case, it seems that presence of love is not the real cause of hurt but its shallowness, selfishness or even its absence. Love shouldn't be blamed for that!

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 4 years ago from TEXAS

      oops. I sort of like 'inevitale'. Really was a typo. It's cuter than my intended pecking: inevitable. I guess my spell check was charmed and broadminded! hehe

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Bill--fear and stepping through it seem to be on my mind lately

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Erin!

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you so much Robin! Greatly appreciated!

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you midget38!!!

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      It is good to be awake! Thank you arb!

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you so much Nellieanna--how we make the decision and why we make the decision --to love or not--

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 4 years ago from TEXAS

      One can't actually decide to love or not, Audrey. When love exists it simply IS, but by its very nature, it doesn't demand self-fulfillment. That's where both recognizing whether or not it's real love and then deciding to open the door to it or not come in.

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      Christy Birmingham 4 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      A beautiful poem!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you ChristyWrites!

    • Dahlia Flower profile image

      Dahlia Flower 4 years ago from Canada

      Beautiful. I understood your poem from the first but enjoyed the many comments posted, too. Voting up and awesome.

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Dahlia Flower!

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      Eddy Jones 4 years ago from Wales.

      Wonderful Audrey and it is so nice to be reading your wonderful work once more.

      Take care and have a wonderful day.

      Eddy.

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Eddy--you too!!

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      Govind Deepak Kumar 4 years ago from Andhra Pradesh,INDIA

      Mind Blowing Paintings ... Good Work !! :)

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you so much deepak2u

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      Deborah Neyens 4 years ago from Iowa

      Don't be afraid to push that door open! Great poem. I like how you always manage to choose just the right image to accompany your poetry.

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      Audrey Hunt 4 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      Dear Audrey - Your use of imagery through your words echos the music of a Rachmaninoff Concerto. What more could anyone want...only more of the same. You are a treasure!

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Deborah!

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      You are sweet Audrey! Thank you!

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      acaetnna 4 years ago from Guildford

      Your words paint such a wonderful picture. Awesome!

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you for reading acaetnna! I am so glad that you enjoyed this piece!

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      Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

      Wonderful Audrey and thanks for sharing.

      Eddy.

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you so much Eddy!

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      Dancing Water 4 years ago

      I love the flow and the imagery of this poem. And everyone of us can relate to the fear of being hurt that causes us to procrastinate a possible encounter. I want to shout, "Open the door! Risk! It's worth it!" But I know that I, too, have hesitated so many times, and most likely will continue to be oh so careful. Thank you, Audrey! Wonderful writing!

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Dancing Water--it is all about trust isn't it? Thank you so much for reading and for your kind comments!

    • A.A. Zavala profile image

      Augustine A Zavala 4 years ago from Texas

      Closed doors, and invitation to the unknown and fraught with risks and possible pain. Been there, and still doing that. Thank you for sharing.

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      Break of Dawn 4 years ago

      Absolutely exquisite ! Your lovely writing , your well-chosen words and the perfect flow in the poem makes this a masterpiece. Thank you!

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you A.A.!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you for the read!!! So appreciated!

    • Vinaya Ghimire profile image

      Vinaya Ghimire 4 years ago from Nepal

      Audrey, you always come up with wonderful expressions.

      "...the wind would whisper/my name to your skin..."

      These lines will be etched on my mind

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      Joanna Chandler 4 years ago from On planet Earth

      Hi Audrey,

      A pleasant good day to you ;) nice hub

      Blessings from Adoni

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you for the read Vinaya and the kind words!

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you LadyFiddler!

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

      A great hub.

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Eddy!

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      raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

      your words really paint thousands of pictures worth capturing...well written...

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      Cynthia B Turner 4 years ago from Georgia

      Absolutely beautiful, but that's no surprise. Take care.

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Cyndi!!!

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      Rayne123 4 years ago

      I like this poem.

      It expresses to me the world of reality into our dreams

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you fo reading and commenting Rayne! Hope all is well with you!

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Hi Raciniwa. Sorry about my late response to you. I just found this comment in my spam folder of all places! Thank you!!

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      Elena 3 years ago from London, UK

      Lovely and Inspiring. I just found it on Twitter. Thanks.

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      Audrey Howitt 3 years ago from California

      Thank you Lady_E!

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      Linda Rogers 3 years ago from Minnesota

      This poem is lovely Audrey. Letting go and opening our hearts to love is not an easy task but it is worth it. Love the ending :-)

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      Audrey Howitt 3 years ago from California

      I love that you enjoyed this Minnetonnka! Thank you!

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      Ruby Jean Fuller 3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Reading this again brought me back to a time when i stood on the other side of that door, tears welling. Beautiful Audrey!

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      Audrey Howitt 3 years ago from California

      Thank you Ruby!! I think many of us have been there--

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      heidi 2 years ago

      beautiful and touching, Audrey

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