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The Girl Who Was Always A Tortured Soul

Updated on October 12, 2014
Goodnight, for now. Dear friend.
Goodnight, for now. Dear friend.

We shared the same sense of humour,

And often laughed until we cried.

Yet your mind-set had its default setting

Always set at Self-destruct... until the

Day you died.


Mental de-fault setting/homepage...=Self-destruct.


You were capable of tender love.

You directed it to animals, Prefering them to people.

Yet loved... you were.

Did you really not know?

Was it impossible for you to grasp?


My beautiful friend. Child in a woman's body.

Emotions stunted at a tender age.

How could you know or understand

How much you were truly loved?

You saw danger at every corner.

You'd forecast pain the moment you

locked eyes with someone new.


So much anger mixed with hatred,

Surged around inside your head.

Hating people... this only hurt YOU.!

Anger, also deep inside,

Hurting only you.


Mental default setting ...... Self-destruct.!


Annually, worse your health became,

I sadly watched deterioration, helpless

to prevent your determination to self-destruct.


Sitting with you at doctors' office

Holding you..... wrapping arms around you

Nothing seemed to bring you back

to the feisty girl l'd known.

Now l can only wait and pray.,

That l will again see you someday.


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  • Dim Flaxenwick profile image
    Author

    Dim Flaxenwick 2 years ago from Great Britain

    Your comment has brought tears to my eyes.

    Thank you so, so much for such an understanding comment.

  • JayeWisdom profile image

    Jaye Denman 2 years ago from Deep South, USA

    Dear Dim - I'm so sorry for your loss and personally understand the long, harsh road to this tragedy, as one clings to hope for the better until that day comes when hope is shattered. I hope that writing your poems about her will serve as catharsis to help heal your grief. You tried so diligently to help, and sometimes that is all we can do...and love.

    Bless you....Jaye

  • Dim Flaxenwick profile image
    Author

    Dim Flaxenwick 2 years ago from Great Britain

    Thank you Genna.

    It's hard when anyone dies and circumstances vary greatly.

    I seem to be dealing with this through writing. Thank you for your encouragement.

  • Genna East profile image

    Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

    Oh, Dim...this grabs the heart and won't let go. I am so sorry about the loss your friend. There is relief and some release at times when writing about such deep sadness and grief with candor. You have written a powerful poem; thank you for sharing this with us.

  • Dim Flaxenwick profile image
    Author

    Dim Flaxenwick 2 years ago from Great Britain

    Thank you AliciaC, Yes writing did help, although l felt best relief when l wrote a lot more graphic about her suicide attempts and self -harm, the number of times l've talked her through it in the middle of the night by phone, the countless times l've mopped up her blood along with her tears after a cutting session. Lots of dreadful things that l couldn't possibly publish. Any of her relatives (although unlikely to read Hubpages) if they they read it l would feel terrible for them. She managed to hide so much and l kept quiet and did my best to get her professional help. I appreciate you reading and leaving an encouraging comment.

  • AliciaC profile image

    Linda Crampton 2 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

    I am so sorry for your loss. Your poem is a powerful description of a sad situation. I hope your writing helps you deal with your experience.

  • Dim Flaxenwick profile image
    Author

    Dim Flaxenwick 2 years ago from Great Britain

    Thank you so much, Faith Reaper.

    I value your comments highly.

    Hugs right back to you.

  • Faith Reaper profile image

    Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

    Heartrending poem here you have shared. You have expressed your pain for your friend and the hope of seeing her again so powerfully.

    God bless you. (((Hugs)))

  • Dim Flaxenwick profile image
    Author

    Dim Flaxenwick 2 years ago from Great Britain

    So true Jodah.

    Thank for reading and commenting.

  • Dim Flaxenwick profile image
    Author

    Dim Flaxenwick 2 years ago from Great Britain

    Thank you janshares.

    It's a difficult time for so many people everywhere. This is how l feel, but must concentrate on the fact that she is out of pain now.

    I appreciate your lovely words.

  • Jodah profile image

    John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

    Some of the very best poetry springs from sadness. Thank you for sharing.

  • janshares profile image

    Janis Leslie Evans 2 years ago from Washington, DC

    Powerful and painful, well-expressed grief, Dim. Thank you for putting this loss into words, so creatively. The sadness is felt through this piece. Voted up and beautiful.

  • Dim Flaxenwick profile image
    Author

    Dim Flaxenwick 2 years ago from Great Britain

    That is a beautiful, helpful comment, for which l thank you.

  • mckbirdbks profile image

    mckbirdbks 2 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

    Hello Dim. I am glad you were able to write this. It will help you with your rebuilding from the pain. I am sorry you lost your friend.