ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The Girl in the Gorilla Suit

Updated on October 17, 2013
Source


The first time I set eyes on her

I knew it was love at first sight.

She stood in front of a pizzeria

wearing a gorilla suit

and waved at me

as I swerved by.

Of course I was surrounded

by a dozen other honkers

but I just knew

from the eyes that stared at me

through those plastic brown holes

that the furry she ape

was beckoning for me

and I wondered as I flipped a U-turn

over the daisy covered medium

how I knew it was a she?

Oh, I had never seen

an ape with curves like that

she had to be

because she brought out the beast in me.

I went inside to place an order

and the greasy cook caught me staring

at his hairy little monkey

so he guffawed at me and stated

“she’ll be off in five, maybe she would like a banana.”

What a crude bastard, I thought

as I carried my meat lovers out the door

and there in the parking lot I met her

pulling off her gorilla head

she shook her blond tresses

misting me with her monkey dew

my mind escaped me and I muttered

“Me Tarzan, you Jane.”

She giggled, eyeing me quizzically

“Who is Jane?”

Oh, god, she must be young

I sure hope she likes bananas.

We sped off into the deep dark concrete jungle

and we made love until the rising of the moon

where to my horror

my little suit-less ape girl

began to sprout real hair

and uttered a werewolves howl

but I managed to tame the wild beast

though she scratched and clawed my back

and yes, severely bit my banana

and I held my little ape girl werewolf

until the rising of the sun

where she waved again

but this time goodbye

leaving me wounded and weary

and wondering why

I can’t control this fetish

for women with hairy armpits.



Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • wayne barrett profile imageAUTHOR

      Wayne Barrett 

      4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Thank you Deb.

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 

      4 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      Yes, the ending was very surprising. You manage to always save us a little twist.

    • wayne barrett profile imageAUTHOR

      Wayne Barrett 

      4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Glad I could brighten up your Halloween season Kari.

    • Tuatha profile image

      Kari Shinal 

      4 years ago from AZ

      Wayne, Oh this was fun. A little pre Halloween dating advice perhaps? Thanks for the giggle.

    • wayne barrett profile imageAUTHOR

      Wayne Barrett 

      4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Glad to have you grinning, Rasma. Thank you so much for the visit.

    • wayne barrett profile imageAUTHOR

      Wayne Barrett 

      4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      : ) Thank you Romeo. See; you're not the only 'ladies man.'

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 

      4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      Well you certainly got me grinning here. lol

    • Romeos Quill profile image

      Romeos Quill 

      4 years ago from Lincolnshire, England

      Lol! Let's hope that's not the wedding photo. Not too sure about the French ' aiselles ' though, but on the bright side, I guess at least she won't be using your razor;)

      R.Q.

    • wayne barrett profile imageAUTHOR

      Wayne Barrett 

      4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Thank you dear Anna.

    • wayne barrett profile imageAUTHOR

      Wayne Barrett 

      4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Kim, I'm glad I could add some laughter to your day.

    • Anna Haven profile image

      Anna Haven 

      4 years ago from Scotland

      A touch of your wild side. Funny :)

    • wayne barrett profile imageAUTHOR

      Wayne Barrett 

      4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Thank you very much Audrey.

    • wayne barrett profile imageAUTHOR

      Wayne Barrett 

      4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Thank you Jamie.

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 

      4 years ago from TEXAS

      Thank you. Yes, I get it from both parents. G-r-i-n - (So often humor is the best response - or defense ~ and it's so non-commital)~ hehe.

    • ocfireflies profile image

      ocfireflies 

      4 years ago from North Carolina

      Another homerun right out of the jungle. Hilarious. Thanks for starting my day off with a laugh and smile.

      Have a great day!

      Kim

    • wayne barrett profile imageAUTHOR

      Wayne Barrett 

      4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Nellieanna, you have quite a sense of humor yourself. You have me grinning ear to ear.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 

      4 years ago from California

      So clever Wayne!

    • wayne barrett profile imageAUTHOR

      Wayne Barrett 

      4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Lol... Sha, It's a tough old banana. It will survive!

    • jhamann profile image

      Jamie Lee Hamann 

      4 years ago from Reno NV

      This is pretty funny and extremely entertaining. Thank you for sharing. Jamie

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 

      4 years ago from TEXAS

      OH, tsk tsk, Wayne. I don't believe it's the first time your poetic bent has taken a humorous dip into the hairy-armpit type funny business, though this one is tinged with a rather charming, if painful, touch of horror, as well. Ouch! (Was the banana peeled?)

      You do it all so expertly that Jane Austen and Queen Victoria are surely chuckling behind their lacy fans in heaven, before calling for the smelling salts to revive them from the polite 'vapors'. hehehe!

      (What if a lady is naturally armpit-hairless so that she needs not use deodorants?)

    • wayne barrett profile imageAUTHOR

      Wayne Barrett 

      4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Thank you Vincent. I do like to throw in some humor from time to time. Glad I could give you a laugh.

    • wayne barrett profile imageAUTHOR

      Wayne Barrett 

      4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Lol...Thank you James!

    • wayne barrett profile imageAUTHOR

      Wayne Barrett 

      4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Thanks Jodah. Glad I could lighten up your day.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 

      4 years ago from Central Florida

      Wayne, you have me laughing out loud. Sorry 'bout your banana, tho!

    • profile image

      Vincent Moore 

      4 years ago

      Ha ha I had to chuckle, this is out of the normal realm of your usual work here, however it was funny and entertaining, immediate what came to mind was you were awakened by a gorilla out of a nightmare or something, but I loved the reveal, blonde hair, scratching your back, eating the banana. Yes indeed all good, except for the hair armpits at the end, YUCK....although they love em over in Italy and Greece I'm told.

    • James-wolve profile image

      Tijani Achamlal 

      4 years ago from Morocco

      Top notch !You left me with nothing to say.I am really speechless.You got it.. You got it ..You got it!

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      4 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Ah Wayne, this certainly surprised and gave me a chuckle. Thanks, love your work.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)