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The Girl in the Gorilla Suit

Updated on October 17, 2013
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The first time I set eyes on her

I knew it was love at first sight.

She stood in front of a pizzeria

wearing a gorilla suit

and waved at me

as I swerved by.

Of course I was surrounded

by a dozen other honkers

but I just knew

from the eyes that stared at me

through those plastic brown holes

that the furry she ape

was beckoning for me

and I wondered as I flipped a U-turn

over the daisy covered medium

how I knew it was a she?

Oh, I had never seen

an ape with curves like that

she had to be

because she brought out the beast in me.

I went inside to place an order

and the greasy cook caught me staring

at his hairy little monkey

so he guffawed at me and stated

“she’ll be off in five, maybe she would like a banana.”

What a crude bastard, I thought

as I carried my meat lovers out the door

and there in the parking lot I met her

pulling off her gorilla head

she shook her blond tresses

misting me with her monkey dew

my mind escaped me and I muttered

“Me Tarzan, you Jane.”

She giggled, eyeing me quizzically

“Who is Jane?”

Oh, god, she must be young

I sure hope she likes bananas.

We sped off into the deep dark concrete jungle

and we made love until the rising of the moon

where to my horror

my little suit-less ape girl

began to sprout real hair

and uttered a werewolves howl

but I managed to tame the wild beast

though she scratched and clawed my back

and yes, severely bit my banana

and I held my little ape girl werewolf

until the rising of the sun

where she waved again

but this time goodbye

leaving me wounded and weary

and wondering why

I can’t control this fetish

for women with hairy armpits.



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    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Ah Wayne, this certainly surprised and gave me a chuckle. Thanks, love your work.

    • James-wolve profile image

      Tijani Achamlal 3 years ago from Morocco

      Top notch !You left me with nothing to say.I am really speechless.You got it.. You got it ..You got it!

    • profile image

      Vincent Moore 3 years ago

      Ha ha I had to chuckle, this is out of the normal realm of your usual work here, however it was funny and entertaining, immediate what came to mind was you were awakened by a gorilla out of a nightmare or something, but I loved the reveal, blonde hair, scratching your back, eating the banana. Yes indeed all good, except for the hair armpits at the end, YUCK....although they love em over in Italy and Greece I'm told.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 3 years ago from Central Florida

      Wayne, you have me laughing out loud. Sorry 'bout your banana, tho!

    • wayne barrett profile image
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      Wayne Barrett 3 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Thanks Jodah. Glad I could lighten up your day.

    • wayne barrett profile image
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      Wayne Barrett 3 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Lol...Thank you James!

    • wayne barrett profile image
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      Wayne Barrett 3 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Thank you Vincent. I do like to throw in some humor from time to time. Glad I could give you a laugh.

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 3 years ago from TEXAS

      OH, tsk tsk, Wayne. I don't believe it's the first time your poetic bent has taken a humorous dip into the hairy-armpit type funny business, though this one is tinged with a rather charming, if painful, touch of horror, as well. Ouch! (Was the banana peeled?)

      You do it all so expertly that Jane Austen and Queen Victoria are surely chuckling behind their lacy fans in heaven, before calling for the smelling salts to revive them from the polite 'vapors'. hehehe!

      (What if a lady is naturally armpit-hairless so that she needs not use deodorants?)

    • jhamann profile image

      Jamie Lee Hamann 3 years ago from Reno NV

      This is pretty funny and extremely entertaining. Thank you for sharing. Jamie

    • wayne barrett profile image
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      Wayne Barrett 3 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Lol... Sha, It's a tough old banana. It will survive!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 3 years ago from California

      So clever Wayne!

    • wayne barrett profile image
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      Wayne Barrett 3 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Nellieanna, you have quite a sense of humor yourself. You have me grinning ear to ear.

    • ocfireflies profile image

      ocfireflies 3 years ago from North Carolina

      Another homerun right out of the jungle. Hilarious. Thanks for starting my day off with a laugh and smile.

      Have a great day!

      Kim

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 3 years ago from TEXAS

      Thank you. Yes, I get it from both parents. G-r-i-n - (So often humor is the best response - or defense ~ and it's so non-commital)~ hehe.

    • wayne barrett profile image
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      Wayne Barrett 3 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Thank you Jamie.

    • wayne barrett profile image
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      Wayne Barrett 3 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Thank you very much Audrey.

    • Anna Haven profile image

      Anna Haven 3 years ago from Scotland

      A touch of your wild side. Funny :)

    • wayne barrett profile image
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      Wayne Barrett 3 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Kim, I'm glad I could add some laughter to your day.

    • wayne barrett profile image
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      Wayne Barrett 3 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Thank you dear Anna.

    • Romeos Quill profile image

      Romeos Quill 3 years ago from Lincolnshire, England

      Lol! Let's hope that's not the wedding photo. Not too sure about the French ' aiselles ' though, but on the bright side, I guess at least she won't be using your razor;)

      R.Q.

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 3 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      Well you certainly got me grinning here. lol

    • wayne barrett profile image
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      Wayne Barrett 3 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      : ) Thank you Romeo. See; you're not the only 'ladies man.'

    • wayne barrett profile image
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      Wayne Barrett 3 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Glad to have you grinning, Rasma. Thank you so much for the visit.

    • Tuatha profile image

      Kari Shinal 3 years ago from Fayetteville, NC

      Wayne, Oh this was fun. A little pre Halloween dating advice perhaps? Thanks for the giggle.

    • wayne barrett profile image
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      Wayne Barrett 3 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Glad I could brighten up your Halloween season Kari.

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 3 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      Yes, the ending was very surprising. You manage to always save us a little twist.

    • wayne barrett profile image
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      Wayne Barrett 3 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Thank you Deb.

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