- Books, Literature, and Writing»
- Commercial & Creative Writing»
- Creative Writing»
- Humor Writing
The Goat Doctor
Partially based on a true story but mostly on a vivid imagination
In the early 1900's a young man after graduating from medical school opened up a private practice in a small town in Kansas. He had to wait a couple of months before he got his first patient who was a farmer as were most people in this area. The farmer complained of being impotent and not being able to provide his wife with the child that they both longed for.
The young doctor in his abundant spare time had been working in his very small lab on an idea he had in medical school whereby he could surgically attach goat testicles to a man such as this ineffective farmer. The doctor was so positive that it would work that he tested the procedure on himself. There weren't any side affects so this would be his first real test. The desperate farmer agreed to have the procedure done even though he knew it had never been tried before. A few months went by and the farmer returned with his wife because she was feeling ill and couldn't keep anything down. After a few tests on the young woman the doctor happily informed the farmer that his wife was pregnant. This also made the doctor very happy; it meant that he could now help others who had this impotency problem.
Word travels fast in a small town and other men were lining up to have the procedure, especially after the farmers wife gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. The doctor was quickly becoming a rich man. The only overhead he had was keeping a good supply of healthy goats on hand. He had become known around town as “The Goat Doctor”. Things went well for the young doctor for many years. His practice grew enough so he could buy a large house with an office and a special laboratory. He had also become the first millionaire the town had ever had.
Now if he could only fix his own dilemma. It wasn't a physical problem; it was more a mental thing. Because he had become known as The Goat Doctor and the fact that he cut off goat testicles and sewed them on to men, well that was a problem for most women. It made the women of the town quite standoffish. He resigned himself to being a bachelor for the remainder of his life.
Twelve years passed and the doctor’s first patients, the farmer and his wife and now young boy had become regulars at his office for check ups and for minor health issues. The boy as he grew older was having a problem with headaches and they were becoming more and more severe as time passed; his parents were becoming concerned. One day during one of these headaches as his mother was administering a warm compress to the boy’s forehead, she noticed a slight bump on the left side near the boy’s temple. Frederick she asked, when did you bump your head? I don’t know he said, I don’t remember hitting my head. First thing tomorrow morning we’ll visit the doctor, she said.
The town’s population grew over the years mainly due to the Goat procedure. The town’s people had even called a meeting to discuss re-naming the town Muttonville. But things began to change the day the farmer brought his son to see the doctor about the strange bump on the young lads head. Nothing to fret about said the doctor, boys will be boys. But what about the headaches asked the lads mother? That’s normal said the doctor, his brain is growing and it can cause a tightening of the arteries which can lead to some pain in the area. He’ll grow out of it. In actuality the doctor didn't know why the boy was getting headaches. He had become adept at double talk in order to please his patients.
Something strange was happening to the town people’s young boys. The doctor was now getting a steady stream of parents bringing their children to him with severe headaches and lumps on their heads. The doctor also noticed a weird phenomenon in all the boys’ eyes. Their pupils weren't round, they were rectangular. Some of the older children had thick calluses forming on their hands and their nails had become very hard and claw like. He tried to put it out of his mind but the obvious was hard for him to ignore. The children were becoming goat like in many ways and it wouldn't be long before the towns people would put two and two together.
Children of the Horn
Most of the doctor’s medical practice was devoted to the grafting of goat testicles on to impotent men. He had made the mistake of moving way too fast. More testing should have been done, not just on himself, now there maybe a new problem. Will these young goat boys impregnate the town’s young girls and bring forth goat babies? He couldn't bare the thought. Something had to be done. He went into his records to see just how many boys were born since he began the procedure on the first farmer. The oldest boy Frederick was now thirteen years old and since he was born there had been 281 children in his records, more than half of them boys and what about all the men that had the goat procedure over the years. Drastic times call for drastic measures.
When he first began testing his goat procedure over 12 years before, he accidentally created a liquid compound that killed sperm in a Petri dish. He mixed a drug that was used to sterilize horses with some other chemicals. He dismissed it at the time because it did the opposite of what he was intending. Now it may be just the thing he needed. With Diphtheria being the latest scourge and with a new vaccine now in place to handle it he could easily inject all the towns’ people with this new Diphtheria vaccine, he’d be killing two birds with one stone. He’d be protecting the people from a dreaded decease and sterilizing all the males with his new concoction. He would simply give all the male members of town a second injection of his neuter cocktail. No one would question him. It was foolproof. This would end the goat problem.
Yes the doctor had dodged a mighty large bullet. The years had passed and no one seemed to realize what had happened because the goat children were somehow cured, either by the Diphtheria shot or by his own sterilization inoculation, also over the years the town’s population had declined significantly due to the sterilization process. The town was becoming too crowded anyway the doctor often mused.
He was now in his sixty’s and ready to retire. He had met a pretty young girl and she was getting ready to settle down with her rich doctor in his large mansion, the biggest house in town. On her first visit to his estate he impregnated her and nine months later she was ready to give birth. They were both elated because they didn't know whether his sperm count was high enough for her to conceive a child. As she lay on a hospital bed in his large laboratory that adjoined their house he gave her instructions on the proper method of child birthing. A few hours went by and she was finally ready to give birth. Push, push now he said as he readied himself for the babies head to appear. As he gazed upon the baby boy that was emerging from his wife’s vagina he realized he should have sterilized himself.
Comments are greatly appreciated.