The Last Time I Saw You Was So Long Ago
The last time I saw you was so long ago
Memories are still vivid in my mind I know.
Sixteen years have passed, yet I still think of you
I see your bright smile, it always makes me smile too.
All these years I pondered, how cruel life could be
Because back than I was convinced, that you were meant for me.
I struggled when my husband left, not sure of who I was
Desperately wishing to push rewind, but had to settle for a pause.
My life was held in limbo, I couldn't figure out what‘s next
All I obsessed about Was why you were gone, I was left perplexed.
Moving home to Daddy isn't exactly what thirty three years old do
I lost my hard earned freedom, had to live under dad's rules too.
A social vixen gone hermit, which made me miss all I had and more
I cringed every moment someone said "Don't worry see what God has in store"
That struggle and pain builds character, how much does one person need?
All I did was ache for love I hadn't found, just something to help me breathe.
It took all of my inner strength to wake up everyday, to go on
He had tried to choose death, while I rummaged for stuff to pawn.
I learned how to male my children feel safe, although all I felt was fear
Leaving to move home gave us something to build up hope with promise near.
Moving gave me a passion, to finally have a new and balanced life
One only filled with hope and love, and missing the anger and strife.
All I kept feeling was a painful and empty spot in my soul
That is until you found me, and partially filled the empty hole.
I can't imagine all the pain that you feel, only because I am not you
But its freaky how parallel we are to the hell only lived by a few
My hand did reach out, over three thousand miles apart
You didn't have to take it, but doing so was a start.
I could never walk away from you, not again at any rate
Our friendship never truly died, maybe that was fate.
Seven hours enjoyed hearing your voice, it was just so crystal clear
The distance seemed to close in, making you feel so near.
I wasn't the one to mention it, that night I walked away
There just aren't words to explain it, that fear of wanting to stay.
Your words echoed all throughout my soul, you had wanted me too
I had been convinced it was all one-sided, thus missing signs from you.
All those moments are vivid in my mind, we were teetering on a line
Either we leaned towards friendship, or I had a chance to make you mine.
I just don't know how to tell you, how terrified it all made me
You were always so perceptive, never thinking I needed to help you see.
It's odd that we never discussed it, and now its far too late
We can't erase our past mistakes, not mine at any rate.
If someone were to ask me today, at what I truly were to speculate
That maybe long ago what I did was right, and maybe its not too late.
Everything happens for a reason, and every person you meet a purpose
I was told this all of my life, but all the people starting reminding me of a circus.
Has that passion that overwhelmed us once, not long before I walked out
I feel it growing quite steadily, praying that "us" is what this had been about.
Soon the time will come, where you will finally be standing in front of me
Walking off the plane, I should be the first person that you see.
I know my heart will beat faster, I will fight back tears that I locked away
My hands will shake a little, I will ask about your family and if the flight was okay.
Is this trip just about friendship, or is there something you haven't said
I need to know how you feel about me, I can't keep wondering until I am dead.
But then you woke me up one morning, being woken up for the first time to you
I couldn't help but smile and enjoy the sounds of your voice, do you feel it too?
And then it finally was spoken, you actually feel the same way
Timing is a bit better, thought complicated it is so I still have to pray.
I pray that you will love me, the way I once loved you
I can't expect much, but what we have had is true
I can't believe after twenty years that God had listened to me
My heart that has been locked up tight, you now hold the only key.
All Rights Reserved by: Abigayle K. Malchow 2012
© 2012 Abigayle Rourk