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The Many Adventures of Honk: A Cat-ography

Updated on March 21, 2021
Marcy Bialeschki profile image

Marcy is a school counselor at an alternative school in Illinois and a part-time bartender who loves writing in her spare time.

5 am: My Day Begins

I'm locked out of the room, again. I take offense to being excluded. I mean, why do I have to stay out in the dark by myself all night? Not that I'm going to punish them for being so rude, but, well, yes, I'm going to punishing them. You know, because I can. So, the punishment begins like clockwork every morning at 5 am.

I say it's time for the humans and canines to come out of their private little den and feed me and pay attention to me. So, I meow...and meow...and meow right outside the door. My humans could probably ignore it for a while, but the one stupid little cur can't stand it. I think it is hilarious. This crazy little canine starts barking and digging at the door, and one of my humans appears very quickly.

Alright, my humans are awake, but no need to stop meowing until I get fed. I'm not that hungry, but that's not the point (smirk). After I get my food, I let them off the hook and quit meowing, but my day is just beginning.

Cat-Fact #1: Cats have powerful night vision. They can see in light 6x lower than the average human.

I have no concept of personal space, and I like it that way.
I have no concept of personal space, and I like it that way.

7 am: The Fun Begins

First of all, l forgot to explain I live with two humans who I refer to as 'Nice Human' and 'Grumpy Human.' I also share space with two spoiled canines I affectionately refer to as 'Stupid Little Canine' and 'Sweet Little Doggie.' I think all the names are self-explanatory. Moving on -- after my breakfast settles, I prowl around the house looking for a little mischief. Life sure was simpler when Nice Human was gone to work. Now when I torment the Stupid Little Canine, Nice Human comes and breaks it up before it gets good. I think she has the mistaken idea that Stupid Little Canine can hurt me...hahahaha...I laugh. Anyway, Nice Human keeps trying to record our little skirmishes on video, but can't catch me doing any wrong. I am pretty sure she knows I start the tiffs, but she has no proof. I say, innocent until proven guilty.

After a few good beatings for Stupid Little Canine, I give her a reprieve and hop up on the island-counter and stare down at her. This drives Stupid Little Canine crazy, and she runs around the counter barking. Nice Human makes both canines go outside and then comes over and lifts me down. I give her a sweet little nudge on the face, you know, to disguise the fact that I created total havoc for ten minutes. She melts like butter in a hot skillet. She snuggles me for a few seconds and then lets the canines back inside. Yawn....time for a nap.

Cat-Fact #2: Cats spend 70% of their time sleeping and 15% of their time grooming.

I lay where I want, and right now I want to lay right in the middle of the floor.
I lay where I want, and right now I want to lay right in the middle of the floor.
I have the whole bed, but I must fit on this little square blanket.
I have the whole bed, but I must fit on this little square blanket.

11am: Nap’s Over: Let’s Annoy Nice Human

That was a great nap. Nice Human is at her computer on the dining room table. I know she is trying to work, but I‘m going to annoy her by rubbing my cute little face all over her laptop screen. This torment usually gets me a scratch on the head and then lifted down onto the floor.

But I don’t stay down there. I jump right back up. Nice Human tries to ignore me, but I can be pretty persistent. This time I stretch out all over her right arm, making it impossible for her to type. Nice Human is tolerating me. Hum, I need to inch closer and closer to her. This is fun. She’s getting frustrated (Smirk).

5...4...3...2...right on cue. Nice Human lets out a big sigh and lifts me to the floor. No nice head rubs this time. Bored with all of this now, I saunter away to go find something more fun to do. My work here is done—for now.

Stop working and pay attention to me, Nice Human. Hum...She's not budging. I have another move up my sleeve (smirk).
Stop working and pay attention to me, Nice Human. Hum...She's not budging. I have another move up my sleeve (smirk).

Cat-Fact #3: Pure white cats are rare, making up only 5% of the population. They require a gene that hides every other coat color and pattern.

Usually this move is Nice Human’s breaking point.
Usually this move is Nice Human’s breaking point.

1pm: I’m Bored

Nice Human is still working, and Stupid Little Canine is hiding out downstairs. I need a new adventure. I find Sweet Little Doggie under the bed. I briefly go see her, not staying too long because she is napping. She lets me rub my head on her back. Stupid Little Canine would go ballistic if I did that to her. Hum, sounds like fun.

I think Nice Human needs to pay some attention to me. I'll jump up on the counter and knock something off. She always loves that signature move (smirk). Ha! I was right. Nice Human got up from her computer and made me get off the counter. Oh, wait! Stop that! You don't have to go so crazy. Quit swatting the counter right behind me....I'm jumping down. Geeze, it was a joke. Lighten up, Nice Human. You are acting more like Grumpy Human when you do that. I'm feeling like a little comic relief. I'm going to find Stupid Little Canine and bother her for a while.

Just as I thought, Stupid Little Canine is napping downstairs behind the bar. I'll jump up on the barstool and sit for a while until she notices me. I could sit on any chair in the house, but I like to sit on the chair that will get Stupid Little Canine upset (smirk). Oh, wait. I think Stupid Little Canine is waking up. The minute she sees me, she is going to throw a tizzy-fit. Ha-ha, I can't wait.

I'll hop up on the bar now, you know, to try to get away. I hear Nice Human coming. I have to make this look good. I have to put on my scared face.

Annnnnnnd, there it is! Stupid Little Canine is barking and trying to jump up and get me. It won't be long now and Nice Human will come down and rescue me from the big, bad doggie. I'll hop up on the bar, you know, to try to get away. I hear Nice Human coming. I have to make this look good. I have to put on my scared face.

Ah, worked like a charm. Nice Human gently picked me up and cuddled me. Finally, the attention I deserve. Stupid Little Canine is looking at me with hatred and disgust. Ha-ha, mission accomplished.

Do I look scared to you?
Do I look scared to you?

3:30 pm: Grumpy Human Gets Home

This is one of my favorite times of day for a couple of reasons. It's certainly not because I particularly care for Grumpy Human. Rather, I get to watch Stupid Little Canine and Sweet Little Doggie go bonkers when they see Grumpy Human's truck pulling in the driveway. It's so comical. Dogs are so weird!

The best, however, is Grumpy Human give out treats. Stupid Little Canine is such a piggy. She gobbles hers down in nothing flat. Sweet Little Doggie always takes hers behind the couch. I'd never tell either human, but Sweet Little Doggie has quite the pile of treats back there.

Grumpy Human caters to the canines first -- whatever. I'll just keep twisting and winding myself in and out and through his legs to remind him that the feline needs a little sustenance, too. Just to make sure, I better start meowing so he doesn't forget. He hates that, but it makes him serve me faster (smirk). Finally, I get my little handful of kibble, delicious.

Yawn, my little belly is full, and I'm getting sleepy—time to disappear for a while and take a short nap.

Cat-Fact #4: Meows are not innate cat-language. They developed as a way to communicate with humans.

I can be nice and cuddly for a while, but when I get sick of it, all I have to do is start biting Nice Human's hair.  She hates that (smirk).
I can be nice and cuddly for a while, but when I get sick of it, all I have to do is start biting Nice Human's hair. She hates that (smirk).

10 pm: What? I've Been Asleep All This Time?

It happens every day. I get so sleepy after my treats. I always think I'm only going to snooze for a little bit, but when I wake up, Nice Human has already gone back to the private den. Grumpy Human is still on the couch, and I'm bored. Maybe I'll bother, then again, perhaps not. I call him Grumpy Human for a reason.

Oh, Grumpy Human is heading back to the den. This is my chance. Tonight is the night I sneak in and uncover all their secrets. I think I can cause havoc with Stupid Little Canine, too. Bonus! I'll hide by the door and bolt in there when he opens it. This is it. I'm ready.

Drat! I got Grumpy Human's foot to the face again! Access denied, for the millionth time. Oh well, I'll just lurk around and knock things off the counters like I always do and then chuckle to myself when Nice Human has to pick them all up in the morning. Another night alone. Hum, I guess I prefer it that way. Peace and quiet. Now, to roll all over this black jacket Nice Human left on the chair. I think it looks better with a bunch of my white fur all over it (smirk).

Another day is done.

Cat-Fact #5: Centuries ago, pure white cats were associated with royalty. Some believe if you dream about a white cat, good luck will follow.

© 2020 Marcy Bialeschki


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