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The Nutty Squirrel Spat

Updated on February 27, 2018
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Linda (Kaywood) Bilyeu is a self-published author. Her books are available on Amazon. She writes from the heart—there is no other way.

I Wonder if Squirrels Think People are Nuts?

As I sat and pondered on my back porch this morning with the family pets, I heard a peculiar noise that I didn't recognize. I ignored it and went about my usual routine of tending to my dog and rabbit. It was their snack time and they were hungry.

The pestering sound grew louder and now there were two tones to it. One was a shrieking sound and one was more subdued, yet intense.

I thought it was probably two birds fighting over a worm. I continued to ignore the ruckus. Then the sound began to get closer.

You would think by this time I would have been a bit worried, since my neighborhood is very quiet at this time of the morning.

While I wasn't overly concerned, I was slightly curious.

That's when I heard a LOUDER shriek and my bunny Cupcake HOPPED into her cage and my dog Foxy JUMPED onto my lap. This is when I became a bit worried.

Mr. Squirrel is a bit annoyed at Sunshine
Mr. Squirrel is a bit annoyed at Sunshine

Mr Squirrel's Spat with Whom?

OK, now it's time for Sunshine P.I. to investigate the noise and protect her pets who were at her mercy. I wasn't that concerned since our porch is screened in.

I walked around the perimeter of the porch and noticed a squirrel who looked very irate.

Oh, it must be a lovers spat, how cute is I thought.


Back and forth they went, bickering away at each other. One let out a shriek, while the other chattered.

The arguing got LOUDER and LOUDER and was beginning to irritate me. I could only see part of the squirrel since he was half on the screen and half on my roof.

I used mental telepathy towards the other squirrel who I couldn't see and politely requested she give him the extra acorn or whatever else Mr. Squirrel was demanding.

He obviously wasn't giving up, neither was she, so I thought.

I don't quite follow the chattering language or else I possibly could have been more helpful towards them. I strongly believe in not interfering with relationships. I sure wasn't going to break protocol and start now.

Shriek...Chatter...Shriek....Chatter....Shriek. My dog had enough she wanted to go indoors. Cupcake was using her very large bunny ears to block out the annoying squirrel spat.

It was then that Sunshine P.I. decided to act fast and act now. I walked over to the corner of the roof to spy and further investigate the lovers squirrel quarrel. It was at this moment that I couldn't believe what I was witnessing!

To my SHOCK and SURPRISE I could only find ONE squirrel!

I searched and searched and could not for the life of me find another squirrel! I watched in amazement as Mr. Squirrel shrieked, tilted his head to the side and chattered...this went on for a few more minutes.

OH MY, I have just witnessed my first EVER squirrel with a split personality!

The Nutty Squirrel Part 1

The Squirrel Spat Goes On

Yes, the squirrel was arguing with himself! What a NUT!

Hmmmm. I thought now would be a good time for Sunshine P.I. to call on Dr. Sunshine. Hopefully Dr. Sunshine can concoct a remedy for this obviously very confused, irritated squirrel.

Dr. Sunshine is the one who's always called upon with aches and pains within the family. She didn't require her trusty stethoscope for this patient since Dr. Sunshine doesn't do roofs.

The shrieking and chattering at this time was growing more intense. Dr. Sunshine analyzed the situation with the best of her knowledge.

She probed, scanned and tried to decipher the conversation. Dr. Sunshine is accustomed to tending to humans and her pets when needed, but not rodents.

With every ounce of her patience she calmly tried to assist, but the squirrel was persistent on being annoying and offering no explanation on how Sunshine, Sunshine P.I. or Dr. Sunshine could help.

The trio put their thinking caps on and wrestled with a few ideas but couldn't truly decide on what to do.

They all wanted to do the best thing possible for all involved. But patience was not one of Sunshine's best traits.

It was at this time that Sunshine said, "Heads up!" She turned on the garden hose and blasted the squirrel and his other personality off of the roof!

The nutty squirrel did give Sunshine quite a glare as he sprinted for dry land. Hopefully he will find the help he needs.

Go figure, arguing with yourself? Who does that? I have no idea. Neither does Sunshine P.I. or Dr. Sunshine.

Mr. Squirrel Chewing On A Branch Half His Size



To animal activists: Mr Squirrel is doing great, he was just spotted in the front yard hanging out with his gang. They were chattering quietly, most likely about the crazy women with the garden hose.

Well, it takes one to know one, I suggested he get some therapy at the nut house.

They Opted Out of Getting a Room


The Nutty Squirrel Part 2

The Nutty Squirrel Ate the Bird Food


© 2011 Linda Bilyeu


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