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The Tourist - a short story

Updated on December 23, 2012

The Tourist


He tried to hide his excitement, but it was difficult. He had saved and done without for six years in order to be here, and now he could barely conceal his glee. It was the dream of a lifetime, but he had to contain himself, and maintain a sober face. To do otherwise might expose him.

Luckily, he had no tattoos or markings. He had decided against it as a precaution, and also because he was vain, and did not want to spoil what he saw as perfection. There was nothing to identify him as one of the chosen, other than his blond hair and blue eyes, but they were common enough here, so he felt safe.

Over there was the railroad siding, and over here was where the famous sign used to be, proclaiming: “Arbeit Macht Frei”…Work makes freedom.

Here was where millions of filthy Jews and other undesirables were exterminated by Hitler, and the chosen people…the glorious Nazis.

Ernest Mueller had long ago changed his surname to Miller, and his American activities as a Neo-Nazi were well disguised, so he was not worried that anyone might know of his true reason for being here in Auschwitz on a tour. He was not here to mourn the deaths of millions. He was here to relish it, part of his initiation rite in becoming a member of the top secret, Aryan Rebirth. He had already burned a synagogue in America, killing a rabbi and a child in the process.

Ah yes, there was the rail line, and those boxcars sitting on the spur were among the precious ones that once transported the Jews here by the millions. Over there was the building where they were gassed, believing they were about to take a shower. The thought amused him, and he stifled a grin. Over here was the killing field, where worn out slave laborers were made to kneel before being shot in the back of the head. He wished he could have seen it! What a glorious time, and had the weak German people not have betrayed the great Herr Hitler, the Third Reich Nazis would have been the undisputed masters of the world! The thought angered him.

He glanced to his left and was startled to see a man smartly dressed in an officer’s uniform. He seemed to be beckoning to him. The tour group was already some fifty feet ahead of him, and the guide was looking the other way. On a whim, he turned and headed for the officer, disappearing behind a prisoner barracks.

The officer waited, his hands clasped behind his back. He wore a pistol in a black holster, and Ernest could see he was holding a riding crop. His boots were knee length, and his uniform pants were neatly tucked in. The brim of his hat was shiny black leather, and he wore the twin lightning strokes of the SS. He looked at Ernest dispassionately, his face unreadable.

“I am Colonel Wagner. If you wish, I will give you a private tour of the crematorium, before the crowd gets there.” He was a tall blond man, like Ernest, and his piercing eyes were sky blue. His smile was chilling. “Think of me as your private guide. I know a fellow believer when I see one.” Ernest was startled that it was so obvious, but he felt safe with this man. It was as if he understood Ernest completely.

They walked slowly, along a double fence row of barbed wire, supported by concrete fence posts some twelve feet high and curved inward at the top. They had once been electrified, and it was a voltage meant to kill. Off to Ernest’s right was a small platform, with two sets of steps. Two upright posts supported a heavy crossbeam, and he could see it was a simple gallows, but without a rope.

“Did they also hang prisoners?”

The Colonel glanced at the structure. “They killed them any number of ways, but that’s where they hung the Auschwitz Commandant, Rudolf Hoess, after the war was over.” Ernest’s eyes narrowed. A good man had been mistreated.

They walked for some time before finally coming to a long, low structure with a tall stone chimney. “Is this a crematorium?” The Colonel nodded. “It is not the largest, but it served its purpose well.” He smiled, and Ernest felt a cold breeze across the nape of his neck. He shivered involuntarily, but he was fascinated.

The structure looked almost new, and the interior was spotless. They entered, and their footsteps echoed on the stone walls as they slowly strolled past the massive iron doors. It was surprisingly warm, and Ernest though he could hear muffled, far-away voices. Or was it crying? He couldn’t tell. It was very warm.

Suddenly he was startled by a piercing scream of agony, followed by hundreds, perhaps thousands of other such screams. The Colonel kept on walking, apparently oblivious to the cacophony. The sound became deafening, and Ernest threw his hands over his ears, but it helped little. The former warmth he had felt was now blast furnace hot, and the agonized shrieks continued to grow in volume until his covered ears protested in pain. Through the inspection portholes in the doors, he could see dancing, white hot flames, and the faint outline of human figures writhing in agony. He was now terrified by the noise and the heat. He grabbed the Colonel’s shoulder and spun him around.

“What is this! I thought the Jews were dead when they went in the crematoriums! Why are they screaming? Make them stop!”

The Colonel looked at him and the corners of his mouth pulled back in a horrible grin of yellow, pointed teeth. On his forehead were two protuberances that Ernest had not noticed before, and he stunned to see a forked tail flicking back and forth between his trousered legs.

“Jews? My dear boy, those are not Jews. No, the Jews all went to be with The Father. The ones dancing in my fires are not the Jews at all. They are the Nazis and they are now all mine.” His evil grin grew larger. “And so too, are you, Ernest.” His now yellow eyes gleamed at Ernest, with vertical slits for pupils. Ernest tried to run, but his feet seemed nailed to the floor. He could not move. The Colonel put his loathesome arm around him, and he could smell his fetid breath.

The female tourist screamed at the sight, and the guards came running. Suspended by his neck from the Rudolf Hoess gallows was the young, blonde American tourist, and he was very dead, his neck at an impossible angle.

“Where did he get the rope, and how the hell did he get up there? There’s nothing to stand on!” The second guard shrugged his shoulders. “Anyone know what happened?”

“I saw him walking down there a little while ago, and it looked like he was talking to someone, but he was quite alone.” The speaker was another tourist.

The guard looked where he was pointing. “Down where the old crematorium used to stand? What the hell was he doing down there? There's nothing to see!”

The tourist shrugged, and just for a moment, they thought they could hear a faint, agonized scream. Then all was silent as death.


Two volumes of my short stories are now available, here and here.


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    • Becky Katz profile image

      Becky Katz 5 years ago from Hereford, AZ

      Very chilling story. You are going to new places now Will. This is very good. I felt like I was there. I am not sure I like it though. I do like your feel good stories.

    • LABrashear profile image

      LABrashear 5 years ago from My Perfect Place, USA

      You never cease to amaze me! What an emotional ride! Wonderful - voting up, across and sharing!

    • dahoglund profile image

      Don A. Hoglund 5 years ago from Wisconsin Rapids

      Quite a morality tale.Evil attracts evil. Good job Will.

    • Marlin 55 profile image

      Marlin 55 5 years ago from USA

      Great job Will! I like a tale the dips a little into the darkness. I believe that what gives a great story such as this one, balance.

    • profile image

      Old Poolman 5 years ago

      Will - This a new type story for you, or at least the first of this type I have had the pleasure of reading. I liked it, lets have more of these.

      Mike

    • mckbirdbks profile image

      mckbirdbks 5 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Quite an unsettling tale here Will. It is both compelling and disturbing.

    • FitnezzJim profile image

      FitnezzJim 5 years ago from Fredericksburg, Virginia

      Interesting story with a poetic justice twist.

      Is there any story that you can't make interesting?

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

      What a great story. I wouldn't want to see the death camps, such a horrible time in our history. Enjoyed...

    • lilyfly profile image

      Lillian K. Staats 5 years ago from Wasilla, Alaska

      A cautionaty tale, Will, I believe the worst will be seen in the Straight of Hormuz. Unfortunately, we will need another set of heros. Much love, lily

    • diogenes profile image

      diogenes 5 years ago from UK and Mexico

      Good time for a change of tone as the oil hunters gear up for Iran.

      We got the atmosphere of the POW prison very well.

      But we like the shit-kickers best, Will. This one strikes a little too close to home.

      Bob

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image

      Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States

      Will! Thanks for sharing another masterpiece of true justice! Bravo!

    • Cardisa profile image

      Carolee Samuda 5 years ago from Jamaica

      Will you are a master at short stories and am dying to read you in print. At first I thought it was real. I was captured by the first paragraph and could not stop reading.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      This was much too realistic for me, Will. You do know how to draw a shocking picture in words. Well done. What is even more shocking is that genocide is still being practiced today in many under-developed countries of our world.

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image

      Merle Ann Johnson 5 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      Wow..what a shocking surprise..very well done, drew me right in...:O) Hugs G-Ma God Bless

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi Becky,

      It was inspired by the recent rise of new hatred toward the Jews.

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi LABrashear,

      It's a new genre for me.

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Thank you, Don.

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Thank you, Marlin 55.

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi Mike,

      I'm ready for that beer!

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi mckbirdbks,

      Unfortunately, these people are still with us.

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi FitnezzJim, and thank you!

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Thank you, Ruby!

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi Lily,

      We toss the term 'hate' around so much that it loses its meaning. This however, is real hatred. I agree with you.

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Change of pace, Bob. We'll get back to spurs and saddles.

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Thank you, Dex!

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Cardisa...master of the smokin' hot love story!

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi drbj,

      Actually, I toned it down some...the real holocaust was far worse.

    • Ginn Navarre profile image

      Ginn Navarre 5 years ago

      Ah! it is good to see you spread that talent to other areas. Remember "Variety is the spice of life" Excellent

    • profile image

      Sueswan 5 years ago

      Hi Will,

      What comes around goes around. You are the master when it comes to storytelling.

      Voted up and away!

      Enjoy your day.

    • suziecat7 profile image

      suziecat7 5 years ago from Asheville, NC

      Well done as usual. A chilling reminder of a sad part of history. I couldn't stop reading.

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi Ginn!

      Thought I'd try something new.

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi Sueswan, and thank you!

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi suziecat7, and thank you for reading. Unfortunately, the Jew hatred is alive and well, and so is Nazi-ism.

    • profile image

      Diane 5 years ago

      Man's inhumanity towards man is an Evil thing. As humans, are we moving farther away from God? Shouldn't we be moving closer?

      Judgement day comes for all.

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi Diane!

      You are correct...someday we will all have to account for ourselves before the Father.

    • LuxmiH profile image

      Luxmih Eve-Lyn Forbes 5 years ago from Fort Pierce, Florida

      Will, I love it when a writer draws me into a totally unpredictable fast paced journey. You had me wondering where it was going. kinda like being a passenger, riding fast in a sports car, around sharpe bends and hair-raising curves. Really gripping and totally unexpected. Loved it! Voted up.

    • Angela Blair profile image

      Angela Blair 5 years ago from Central Texas

      I'm delighted to see the devil himself in print. So often one hears the devil does not exist, etc. -- that's all old wives tales -- and then the question arises how do we know what's good if we don't recognize evil? Not only is this excellent craftsmanship and a tale well told it could also be a subtle "head's up" if one's inclined to listen. Excellent, Will -- an "UP" vote isn't near enough to describe this one. Best/Sis

    • marshacanada profile image

      marshacanada 5 years ago from Vancouver BC

      Thanks for this dramatic serious ghost story Will.Voted up and awsome. I was waiting for your next story, wondering what you were going to write.Your creativity is impressive.

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi LuxmiH, and welcome to Will Starr world! Thank you for your kind words.

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi Angela,

      I agree. Satan is with us and hard at work.

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi marshacanada,

      Good to see you again!

    • feenix profile image

      feenix 5 years ago

      Hello, Will,

      Whoa! This story is very deep and it packs a real strong message, in my opinion.

      I believe that by adding some flesh to this one, you could turn it into a powerful novel.

    • WillStarr profile image
      Author

      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Thank you, my friend!

    • Happyboomernurse profile image

      Gail Sobotkin 5 years ago from South Carolina

      Oh wow! This was chilling and your descriptions so vivid I could feel, smell and see the agony.

      A gripping tale with a strong message. It doesn't get any better than that.

      Your storytelling talent is amazing.

      Voted up across the board except for funny.

    • profile image

      Ghaelach 5 years ago

      Morning Will.

      WOW.

      You're a long way from the Texas plains and cowboys with this one. But then great writers can turn in any direction.

      Deep, dark, and chilling.

      We still have the brown shirts in the former East Germany where it is not a safe place foreigners, but that can be said for a lot of places in this world.

      LOL Ghaelach

    • Alastar Packer profile image

      Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

      Hell's Bell's in the head. Nice one Will.

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi Happyboomernurse, and thank you for the great comment!

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi Ghaelach,

      We have the Neo-Nazis here, and then of course, most of Islam would be happy to exterminate the Jews.

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi Alastar Packer, and Hell's Bells indeed! Very good.

    • profile image

      Ghaelach 5 years ago

      Hi Will.

      Is there another race that was/is hunted so as the Jews??

      LOL Ghaelach

    • profile image

      Old Poolman 5 years ago

      I was stationed in Germany from 1959 to 1962. At that time there were still a large number of Hitler lovers among the local population. I suspect a few remain, or have been replaced with younger versions of the same thinking. If we were to close all our bases in Germany and withdraw all of our troops, their economy would take a hit like they have never seen before. It is odd how some things never change or go away.

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi Ghaelach,

      The Bible says the Jews will always be persecuted. How prophetic!

    • WillStarr profile image
      Author

      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      You're sure right about that, Mike!

    • profile image

      Ghaelach 5 years ago

      I think you've got a thread running here Will.

      A note to Old Poolman and that is to you saying if all the bases where closed and the troups went back home that the German economy would collapse.

      Well my friend I would like to say a few things on that point. I'm a Brit and I've lived and worked in Germany for over 23 years and can say that by taking the troups home would make a few more unemployed people, but you have to realise Germany is the biggest industrial nation in Europe and where many other countries are struggling here on the European continent Germany is certainly not one of them. Trade is booming and we only have 2.7 million out of work that's 6,7 percent and the tendence is falling. Germany is a powerful nation on the indutrial front.

      "Made In Germany" still means something and that saying is what America introduced to help rebuild Germany after WW2.

      No! taking the troups out wouldn't hurt Germany, but it might hurt a few individual small shops and businesses.

      Take care my friends and I'm sorry to go on a bit.

      LOL Ghaelach

    • SubRon7 profile image

      James W. Nelson 5 years ago from eastern North Dakota

      OMG, Will, those last paragraphs (when I began to suspect where it possibly was heading) brought on first goospimples and then raw shivers. As usual, I wasn't expecting the ending, but, a very, very, well-down ending.

      Thank you, Will

    • James A Watkins profile image

      James A Watkins 5 years ago from Chicago

      Simply terrific, my friend. I see that your talent and skill extends far beyond the weetern genre. This is every bit as good as your other works. Chilling, it is.

      Thank you for the good read.

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Thanks for your thoughtful comments, Ghaelach!

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi Jim, and thanks for always reading me!

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi James A Watkins!

      I'll take a stab at writing anything, even if it's demonic!

      ^_^

    • Tori Warren profile image

      Tori Warren 5 years ago from Escondido California

      It was very good, Thank you for sharing it!!!

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi Tori Warren, and thank you for commenting!

    • Horatio Plot profile image

      Horatio Plot 5 years ago from Bedfordshire, England.

      Fantastic. Drew me in and then sitched me up like a kipper. Turn it into a radio script, it would make a great afternoon play on BBC R4 in the UK.

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi, Horatio Plot! Thanks much for the comment and suggestion!

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 5 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      I have said it before and I must say it again...You are the master of story telling. What an ending! Thank you so very much and rated up and more!

    • WillStarr profile image
      Author

      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Thanks, Coach!

    • Wayne Brown profile image

      Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas

      Very well done, Will....liked it alot. You took an ugly subject and turned it around into a bit of justice while painting it for the ugliness that it was. Good write! Up and Awesome! WB

    • WillStarr profile image
      Author

      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi Wayne!

      Your 'Stampede" work is excellent!

    • CMerritt profile image

      Chris Merritt 5 years ago from Pendleton, Indiana

      Hi Will,

      I cannot help but think that this IS based upon a true story and not a fiction. Very well done, and I really liked it.

      Chris

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi Chris!

      Sorry, but it's all fiction and the product of pure imagination.

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 5 years ago

      What a Chilling tale Will...You've done it well, one could feel the Ghost of a terrible time in History...Did you ever see the movie, "The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas" it also had quite an ending.

    • Maggie-May profile image

      Nadine M AuCoin 5 years ago from the Island of Cape Breton to the Eastern Shores near Halifax, NS

      Oh My, you've been up to some hair raising changes!!! I applaud you Will! Fantastic!!!! I was there for a moment, as your words planted images, awesome!!!!

    • suzzycue profile image

      Susan Britton 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Will very well done. I enjoyed it all the way to the end. I love a great twist ending and this one was a great surprise. A chilling read.

    • WillStarr profile image
      Author

      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi b. Malin! Good to see you again!

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi Maggie-May!

      It was an awful period in history, and it may be happening again.

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Thank you, suzzycue!

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 5 years ago from Wales

      What a great little story Will;an up up and away for sure.

      Take care and enjoy your day.

      Eddy.

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Thank you, Eddy!

    • profile image

      Shelley 5 years ago

      Wow oh wow..you did it again. Very interesting and gripping story. Love the twists and turns at the end. You most certainly are a talented and a gifted writer.

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Thank you, sister!

    • Movie Master profile image

      Movie Master 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Incredible writing Will, a chilling story well told.

      Voted up and awesome.

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Thank you, Lesley!

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Thank you, imfrancis.

    • ThoughtSandwiches profile image

      ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada

      Will...

      Damn and wow my friend. This was quite beyond spurs and saddles...AWESOME! I am in awe and sharing this one far and wide. Thanks to Becky Katz for highlighting this one!

      Thanks,

      Thomas

    • Lilleyth profile image

      Suzanne Sheffield 5 years ago from Mid-Atlantic

      Very good short story right out of Twilight Zone.

    • Just Ask Susan profile image

      Susan Zutautas 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Such a different style of writing for you than what I've become accustomed to reading. I was glued to my computer screen. Wow!!! Great story!

    • homesteadbound profile image

      Cindy Murdoch 5 years ago from Texas

      Knowing you, I knew there had to be a twist at the end. But this was not quite what I expected. Another great story that kept my attention and still surprised me at the end even though I knew it was coming. It is a sad time in our history.

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi Thomas, and thank you. Sometimes my Stephen King side emerges!

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Thank you so much, Lilleyth!

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi Susan and thank you!

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi Cindy,

      The last of the death guards just died. Maybe it's finally over.

    • wingedcentaur profile image

      William Thomas 5 years ago from That Great Primordial Smash UP of This and That Which Gave Rise To All Beings and All Things!

      Very Twilight Zone-ish, Will Starr. Good Job! Once again, hurrah for karma!

      By the way, that's quite an imagination you got there, "Billy." Thanks for sharing this with the class.

      Later!

    • Candie V profile image

      Candie V 5 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      Wow! And double wow!

    • kittyjj profile image

      Ann Leung 5 years ago from San Jose, California

      Great story, but scary. I am going to read your other stories. :)

    • WillStarr profile image
      Author

      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi wingedcentaur, and thanks for the comment.

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi Candie V!

      Glad you like it!

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Thank you, kittyjj!

    • htodd profile image

      htodd 5 years ago from United States

      Thanks a lot that is really great short story

    • WillStarr profile image
      Author

      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Thank you, htodd!

    • profile image

      Phoebe Pike 5 years ago

      Wow. A truly powerful story.

    • WillStarr profile image
      Author

      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi Phoebe Pike, and thank you!

    • resspenser profile image

      Ronnie Sowell 5 years ago from South Carolina

      Will.

      I don't know how I missed this one until now, but I did. This story is unlike your "usual" writing but at the same time was very much like your usual writing: "It was excellent!" Once you put your mind to it, I believe YOU can write any kind of story. Voting up!

    • WillStarr profile image
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      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Thank you Ronnie!

    • profile image

      femmeflashpoint 5 years ago

      Will,

      This one was a bit different from your other work.

      I liked it. I'd be hard pressed to drum up any sympathy or compassion for a Nazi. God would definitely have to help me with that one.

      Reaping what we sow can surely be a hellacious experience.

      femme

    • WillStarr profile image
      Author

      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Thank you so much, femme!

    • Richawriter profile image

      Richard J ONeill 5 years ago from Bangkok, Thailand

      Great story, as always WillStarr!

      Great twist there. Justice was served!

    • WillStarr profile image
      Author

      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi, Richawriter!

      This one is more your genre than mine!

      Thank you.

    • Richawriter profile image

      Richard J ONeill 5 years ago from Bangkok, Thailand

      Ha yes, you are right. Although I am going to give exploring other genres like romance, medieval and thriller a go at some point on my journey here.

      Keep up the good work my friend!

    • WillStarr profile image
      Author

      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Thanks again!

    • JSParker profile image

      JSParker 5 years ago from Detroit, Michigan

      Whoa! You did it here, well done! I think there are so many elements of storytelling in this piece, but most noticeable immediately is how you grabbed and held my attention. Spellbinding. And I didn't like it, didn't want to be where you took me, literally into the jaws of hell! But I couldn't resist reading it, being swept up in it to the end.

      Bravo! And congrats on your HubPages interview.

    • WillStarr profile image
      Author

      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Thank you, JSParker.

      Welcome to my dark side!

      ^_*

    • eHealer profile image

      Deborah 4 years ago from Las Vegas

      This is brilliant story telling. I am going to read all your stories. You are really talented. Write on!

    • WillStarr profile image
      Author

      WillStarr 4 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Thank you, eHealer!

      I'm always impressed with the many talents of nurses, so I'm following you. My wife is a labor and delivery RN.

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      Barbara 4 years ago from Stepping past clutter

      Will, I had a feeling this one would present a fresh perspective. Chilling, but fresh! I visited two concentration camps when I was 12. I began this story wondering where it would lead and how I would feel in the end. Such sorrow, Will, beautifully expressed. Thank you.

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      WillStarr 4 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Thank you, Barb! I hope all is well with you.

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      Jackie Lynnley 4 years ago from The Beautiful South

      Very imaginative story. Love the twist.

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      WillStarr 4 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Thank you Jackie!

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      Jo Alexis-Hagues 4 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

      I read this hesitatingly at first, not sure if I wanted to take this journey, but I'm glad I did. This was creative, all engrossing with an amazing twist at the end, not what I expected but a jolly good read.

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      WillStarr 4 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Thank you, tobusiness. Those were dark days.

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      John Harper 4 years ago from Malaga, Spain

      Glad you reposted this, missed it first time around.

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      WillStarr 4 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Thank you, John!

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      Marilyn L Davis 2 years ago from Georgia

      Good evening, Will; excellent. I'm paying more attention to short fiction stories after taking Bill Holland's challenge. I read this one from beginning to end and was engrossed throughout. Thank you for such a creative approach. Well done. I started with your stories from a couple of years ago and will work my way forward. ~Marilyn

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      WillStarr 2 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Hi Marilyn, and thank you!

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      wba108@yahoo.com 2 weeks ago from upstate, NY

      I guess the moral of the story is to be careful what you wish for, you might just get it, like this Neo -Nazi did! And despite anything we believe, God's truth and justice remain the same. Good read!

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      WillStarr 2 weeks ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Thank you, WBA and yes, justice will prevail in the end.

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