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The Worlds Most Beautiful Woman
Today, People's Magazine crowned the worlds most beautiful woman. You have to wonder how such dubious responsibility has come to fall on a magazine already burdened with so much of the world on their meager plate. I mean, did someone ask them to figure this out? Was this really something women everywhere wanted or needed to know? I mean with everything else that's happening on planet earth this is what people want to know? Were playing chess with a lunatic and his nuclear play things in North Korea and People Magazine wants us to have this information before the world goes kaboom!
In 2015, there were approximately, 3,900,115,087 women on our planet. Are they all anxiously awaiting the answer to one of life's most irrelevant questions. Is she or isn't she the one? Assuming "People" even had a staff large enough to accommodate the painstaking perusal of three and a half billion photos, they'd be brain dead and bug eyed when the inevitable dead line, came begging for their emancipated and unbiased vote.
After asking my wife, how long ago, "People" requested her most current picture, she cast the same bewildered look I got from a Swahili housewife on Skype. As a matter of fact, I have been unable to contact a single woman, out of the possible 3,900,115,087 women anywhere on the planet, that have ever received any request from People magazine. It must be like trying to win the lottery without buying a ticket! If you by chance are one of the fortunate women contacted by People Magazine please let me know. Knowing that somebody was contacted would go a long way in restoring credibility in these important surveys. Just how did "People" select Julia Robertson as the "worlds most beautiful woman"? What criteria did they use to determine that my wife was not? I can not answer the question that is surely, even as I write, causing women around the world to lose much needed sleep.
Given the methodology used by People, I have conducted a more inclusive survey. It is, I am afraid, one that shall continue the controversy in every house but mine. Although, others will voice some fault in my selective method , it does not matter. It shall never come to bear upon the tranquility that rains upon my life, for I am, according to at least one survey, married to the most beautiful woman that has ever walked the planet and that survey, is the only one she reads.