I Need Some Medicine for my Medicine

We have a new and improved friend in America. He comes to deliver us from sleeplessness, from head aches or any other real or contrived inconveinence that might be impose upon our busy lives. I am thankful for our new friend most of the time, but, he does come bearing baggage of his own and his baggage is weaking havoc on our lives.

There exist today, a pill in the form of a prescription or an over the counter version, that will address every symptom the human condition has ever imagined. The problem is, every one of them comes with a warning label that necessitates a medical dictionary and a magnifying glass to uncover the impending risk associated with its consumption.

The side effects of dealing with a head ache today, can cause liver failure, stroke or the just discovered malady of "over active nail biting" which, will necessitate another medication that generates another string of impending side effects. By the time we get rid of a head ache, we have symptoms for almost anything that has ever existed, not to mention, a slew of new medications to deal with the new symptoms and the new and improved head ache.

Lunesta, a medication that addresses insomnia, is one of Americas top ten selling medications. No one in America can sleep anymore because the side effects of the pill you took for your head ache causes insomnia. Of course, if we take the competitors brand to rid ourselves of a head ache we will contract the effects of drowsiness and the consumption of both simply parks our poor, confused bodies in neutral. Its little wonder that the energy drink is Americas rising star! It counters the condition caused by the original condition, which we manufactured, to deal with the original condition, of which, no one can remember.

Ace inhibitors were produced to slow the heart and lower the risk from sudden heart attack. After my first round with this medical marvel I slept 22 hours out of every 24. How the hell can you have a heart attack if you never get up? Now I'm swishing down slow pills with energy boosting red bull and all I do is sleep walk. Last week a medical survey revealed that beta blockers offered no decrease in heart heart attacks. This despite feeding it to heart attack patients for the last thirty years.

It isn't that these wonder drugs are void of benefit, but, simply replacing old symptoms with new symptoms makes it difficult to identify what malady is actually affecting my life. Going to my doctor and trying to explain symptoms only exaserbates us both. Confused and dazed, he gives me another new medication that makes both reason and confusion irrelevent. We are fast approaching a world in which we will be absent any cure and we can instead, simply choose from a list of prefered side effects.

There is one benefit I notice arising from the ashes. A new and reliable excuse to justify daily behavior. "The medication made me do it". Of course this creates a new and eagerly anticpated pharmaceutical field which will give rise to new medications to address behaviorial abnormalaties caused by their original solutions. Soon, we can take a pill which will dictate who we want to be on any given day. As a matter of fact, I think, through the administration of selected medication combinations, you can now sleep and exercise simultaneously. Imagine a world in which the little women could keep house, tend to 5 kids, two dogs, a cat, sleep all day and still be "ready freddy" when her man gets home! Not to worry ladies. His meds will either cause erectile dysfunction, impotency or he'll be asleep when he comes through the door. Come to think of it, I'll have to proof read this when I wake up!