The Nerd within Me
There are many different parts to who I am. I very well could have a multiple-personality disorder but I don’t care much. I actually enjoy the different personalities that jump out, here and there without warning. It keeps me entertained.
The nerd within me has survived difficult times, especially when I was a teenager. I dropped out of school in grade eleven and my aunt told me years later that she was afraid at one point that I wouldn’t even finish high-school. The nerd within me must have gotten insulted from the thoughts of such people. I knew what they were thinking and it shocked them that I eventually went to university and did well.
What’s high-school … a joke; I cruised through it when I was ready to go back. I made money on the side helping people write essays. It was actually fun. It must have been the nerd in me that dragged me back to finish high-school after two years of running wild on the streets. When I did go back it helped that I was a little bit older than most kids.
I learned a lot on the streets in those two years; had been through some tough times, so I had nothing to worry about at school and that was good – no trouble. Many people do not understand that high-school can be a vicious experience. Kids struggle to fit-in, to be accepted and/or liked. If you don’t fit-in and if you are not liked, high-school will be a painful experience. You have to stand your ground often. Back down and you will be danced-on. There are many labels that can get attached to you and if you acquire a not so good one, you can be in all sort of trouble. This is not good but it is how things are. Some kids kill each other for wearing the wrong coloured snickers. This is no exaggeration.
I was lucky to have a group of friends around who helped each other out in my teenage years. And if nothing else, most of us shared the pain of being poor, hungry and/or cold. The determination to make something out of nothing was also shared. I found myself doing much of what I did in spite of many things. Life is strange when you do things in spite of something as supposed to just doing things for the sake of doing them. The nerd within me always pushed me to do certain things or not to do certain things and for that I am thankful. I listen to that voice in my head.
I have had many acquaintances and friends in my life who ended-up in jail, committed suicide or got killed for all the wrong reasons; some lost their battle with a drug or other and are now just walking zombies … Somehow, I always seemed to be able to say “enough is enough” just in time and walk-away from a complete disaster. I feel like I am walking through landmines and I cannot believe how lucky I am and have been.( I thank the Great Spirit for that.) Most of the time, something tells me when I am being a complete dumb-ass and I can quickly try to adapt to the circumstances accordingly in order to fix any grave error(s) made on my part … and I keep going.
The nerd within me has kept me addicted to books ever since I was a kid. I am wary of walking into book-stores because I always leave with several books when I do enter one. It is an expensive hobby. Books are not cheap. Well, there are those 8.99 books which can be found at gas-stops but I do not purchase those. I tend to somehow be attracted by pricier ones.
Not too long ago, I went to buy some comic books for my nephews (I always get them comic books for Christmas just to be able to keep the reading books tradition going and it might encourage the use of their creativity …) and I paid over a hundred dollars. Well, two of the comic books were for me. Nonetheless, a hundred and ten dollars for seven comic books is a little too much in my opinion. Who’s cashing-in because I know writers are not often wealthy people? The nerd within me doesn’t care. Books are somehow sacred in my mind and the price is non-important.
This nerd kept writing too; always kept writing. I can find my life on little pieces of paper, notebooks and in the wild-world of the “Internets” (copyrighted to Mr. Dubya). I shall always write too. I write for myself. My writing is first and foremost an attempt at understanding myself. I started writing in a journal when I was about ten. I quickly enjoyed going back and reading my journal entries. Thus, I continued.
I am addicted to pens and notebooks. Nerdy … I have different notebooks for different reasons and they are of different shapes and sizes. I generally like to use black-inked pens. I do not like pencils; they make a terrible scratchy noise which is torture to my ears. When I take notes, I use at least three different colours for underlining and writing thoughts down. Black remains the colour of most of my writing whether I write by hand or with the help of a computer.
I denied an office on some university grounds as a professor for this nerd but I am forever committed to the search for knowledge and the truth in things. That also keeps me writing and studying. Somehow, it’s working-out.