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The street gang knew no boundaries when it came to torture. Frank Atanacio's challenge.
Andra could identify Mia from a strawberry birth mark on her neck.
Detective Laura Kimbers couldn't get the horrific scene of the burned corpse wrapped in a tarp out of her psyche. The sadistic killer had made breathing holes in the tarp so he had to watch his body burn.
She canvassed the neighborhood, hoping someone would come forward with info., but of course everyone stayed behind locked doors muttering, " I know nothing. "
When she got back to her office, she scanned dead files, hoping to find a pattern. She knew the killer was an arsonist since they discovered the pour sign where the body burned.
She was home watching the evening news when a picture flashed across the screen. It was a file picture of the girl who jumped out of the third story window at the crime scene. She had a police record, found when they matched her DNA from dental records. Her name was Mia Hernandez.
Detective Kimbers felt sure they could trace the killer through Mia's acquaintances.
She went to the office early the next morning. As soon as she sat down her phone rang. A voice whispered that she was the sister of Mia. Detective Kimbers asked her to come down to the city morgue to identify the body. Andra assured her that she would come and soon arrived at the morgue. Mia's body was still covered in blood, every bone in her small body was broken. Her eye's were hanging lose on her cheeks. Andra screamed, hiding her face in her hands. The only way she could identify Mia was a familiar strawberry birth mark on her neck.
Andra told her that Mia had ditched a boyfriend recently because he was abusive. She was living with the burn victim when she jumped.
The police had him on file. His name was Jose Mendez. It didn't take long to locate him. The voice on the phone told her to come to a shack located on 54th street by the railroad tracks.
When she and Detective Chambers arrived the gory scene made her choke and vomit. Jose Mendez was hanging from the ceiling, both hands were tied behind his back. His intestines were dangling, his bloody tongue on the floor, both eyes were gouged and hanging on his torso.
It seems the Puerto Rican street gang had a debt due for Mia, and it was paid in full.
Here's a link to Frank's story challenge.
http://frankatanacio.hubpages.com/hub/A-Writing-Challenge-for-you
Comments
- Author
Hello Shyron. HaHaHa. A friend indeed. Thanks for the awesome comment. Hugs..
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Hello dahoglund. I can understand your reluctance to read this gory piece. It is totally out of my style, but Frank said " Gory " and by the comments, I succeed. Thank you for coming by. Sorry I'm so late in responding.
Oh wow Ruby, how the heck did I miss this, it is so awesome. I sure am glad you are a friend.
Blessings and hugs
You did well on this story. It is a genre that I neither read, nor care to write in, but you responded to the challenge and I admire that.
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Hi Audrey. A little different style of writing for me. I said " Wow " too. Hee..Thank you...
I think I missed this one Ruby! This is a wow for me!
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Hello Elena. Always good to see you on my page. This is a totally different write for me, but I enjoyed doing it. I'm so glad you approve. Thank you much....
Wow! That was grippin and had a very dark side. You have a beautiful talent for writing different topics, hence your profile name - always exploring. :-)
The photo will make readers eager to read the story and Frank should be well impressed.
Thanks
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Hello Rolly...This is my first time to write anything sadistic, and I must say that I surprised myself. Thank you for the well done comment...
Hi Ruby... very impressive piece of writing here... well done my friend.
Hugs and Blessings
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Wow Thandi! Your critique of my writing is swelling my head sooo BIG my bonnet is too tight. lol..This is my first time to write this genre and I must say, " I had a good time! Thank you so much....
Ewo! The descriptive powers employed to write this write is a show of great effort, improvement and creativity. You baptized me with a haze of terrific whispering shouts of convulsing moments, experiences and jawdropping visuals and mental pictures. I'm absolutely impressed, Ruby. You've really trekked away from the pack to nibble the thread of improvement. A terrific write. I'm glad Mendez got served a meal hotter and better. The Puerto Rican street gang played their part like a pro. Well done.
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Hello Peg. I don't know where this came from! Frank said, " Gory " and my muse dug deep. lol..Thank's for coming to read and leaving an amazing comment..
You really stepped up to the challenge with this chilling tale. Vivid and macabre. What a twist into the dark side. Amazing detail.
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Hello Shyron. I hope you do find the time. I know it will be great. Thank's for the fantastic comment....
Ruby, wonderful continuation to Frank’s challenge. I knew you would be up for this challenge. I think it is fantastic.
I hope that I can find the time to jump in on this challenge.
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Hello tillsontitan. I read your rendition today and loved it. Thank you for stopping by...
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Hi Cardisa. So good to see you back on HP..Thank's for the awesome comment..
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Hello Genna. So glad you think I met the challenge. Frank wanted sadistic, so i dug deep, Maybe too deep.lol.. Thank you for sharing....
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Thank's Rushia. I really enjoyed writing this . A little out of my line but fun anyway. Thank's so much..
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Hello Vellur. Nice to see you. Intense and dark, I agree. Thank's for stopping by...
You did a great job following in Frank's tradition with that "little" twist at the end. You certainly were up to the challenge.
Voted up, awesome, and interesting.
Very good! Had me hanging on to every word. The description was awesome as well.
Hi Ruby. Great ending to Frank's story. It is creative, realistic and very dark...all the ingredients ini keeping with the tone of his opening short story. This complements and compliments Frank's beginning story. Well done. :-) Voted up and shared.
This was great. You're really up to the challenge Ruby.
Deep, intense and dark story, great write.
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Hi Nell. The devil made me do it. Ha. Happy you enjoyed. Go investigate, then write a good one..Cheers...
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Hello Thandi. It was another one of Frank's challenges, see above the link I left on Misterhollywood's comment. Join in and have some fun writing fiction. Thank's for the awesome comment..
Hi Ruby, Wow! how gruesome and just how I love a good story! I always miss the challenges so I will have to go investigate, loved it! voted up!
Wow! That was thrilling. No one told me of this challenge. I didn't see that ending part; sounded like a movie. Awesome, Ruby.
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HaHa, Yes I meant prostitute. Lordy I don't think she had a prostate! Oh I'm cracking up. lol
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Hello Jodah. I just read yours and loved it. It's like Bill said on your hub, " You've got talent. " Cheers...
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Mike, Mike Mike. What can I say? Can I say that my muse completely took over and took me down a really dark path? It's so funny, when I started writing I had no idea where I was going, then the girl falling became the choice character. Frank only mentioned her in passing. I wish you would write your version. I know it would be great. Thank's so much..Hugs...
Um Ruby, I think you meant "prostitute" not "prostate"...lol.
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Hello Ann. It is really funny how we come up with different stories. I just read Jodah's and loved it. He made my Mia into a prostate. HaHa..Glad you're going to join in the fun. Thank you..
Hi Ruby, just finished mine too ;)
Hi Ruby, just finished mine too ;)
Holy Jupitor Batman, it’s Mickey Spillane Exploring at our service. Ruby, Ruby, Ruby……..
Great response to this challenge. I'm going to have a go but it'll have to wait until I get home to publish. You certainly managed the blood and gore well! I'm always amazed at all the different approaches to any of the challenges here on hubpages; just goes to show what an imaginative bunch exists here! Well done.
Ann
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Hello DDE. It's funny how you can make up a story in your mind from another piece written as a challenge. You should try it, it's fun. Thank's for always reading my hubs, no matter the subject...
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manatita this is far from poetry, just a piece of creative writing from a challenge from Frank's torture story. Believe it or not, I feel sorry for the poor guy..sigh. Thank's for coming...
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Hello Sunya. Nice to meet you. Mouth open, shock, plus criminally delicious is a correct critique for this gory piece. BTW my first. Thank you...
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Hello Janie. Nice to meet you. I agree, the picture is mild compared to the story. I like your comment, Crime delicious. Thank you for reading..
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Hello Eric. Nice to meet you. " Grossly entertaining " just about wraps this piece up. You must read the start of this challenge to see the full meaning, see above the link in blue. Thank you for stopping by.
You unfolded such another talent in you. So well told.
Pretty tough stuff for me. Michael Jackson's video was cool. You told your story quite well. Scary.
Mouth open, shock perhaps, but open. I agree with Janine, criminally delicious. and i second the poor guy remark. Poor Guy
Just got this from On the Dime fiction whatever, but had to comment as I usually do not. I found it sadistic, creative and damn poor guy. You know the woman jumping from the window was mild compared to the story, and they say a picture is worth a thousand words. well Ms Exploring, you proved that theory wrong. where do I vote up and crime delicious?
This was a slap in the face with reality, I love it, but feel it could have been longer. Excuse this, but i found it grossly entertaining.
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Hello btrbell. I tried to write something more sadistic than his burning body. lol Thank you for coming to read and comment..
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Hello Shauna. Hee..I really didn't have nightmares after writing this. Frank said that it had to be more sadistic than his, so i had to dig deep, his was Big time grotesque. I agree it's morbid and I can't believe I wrote it...lol..
Well, I would say you meet the challenge and then some! Great job!
Oh, how morbid and grotesque, Ruby! Did you have nightmares after writing this?
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Hello Susan. Holy Moly..HaHa Thank's for the lol. You're next, go girl...
Oh Ruby what a great job you did on Franks challenge! Holy Moly :)
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Hello Flourish Anyway. HaHa.. Love your comment as much as I loved writing this gory piece. Thank you so much...
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Hello Jo. So glad you thought it was chilling, mission accomplished! Now it's your turn. Go girl!
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Hello The Stages Of Me. LOL ..You made me laugh, I'm really not bad! Hee..Thank you...
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Hello Jodah. That's exactly what was wrong, the title was too long, when I shortened the wording, it worked. Thank you so much for the info. and the score of 10. I'm waiting eagerly for your rendition.
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Hello Frank. I'm so glad you approve. Thank you for giving us a great story challenge....
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Hello Caldwell. See the link above. Your comment made me smile BIG time. Thank's for coming by...
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Hello misterhollywood. Thank's for the wow comment. Here's a link to Frank's story. Enjoy.
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Hello Theresa. The title was too long, so I shortened it and it worked. ( Thank's to Jodah. ) I will be watching for your story. This is so much fun. Keep it going, everyone!
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Hello Mar. My muse is so happy, she's singing under my window, laladede. lol. You know she loves the dark side of me. I love your comment. Thank you..Love you. Hugs
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kljones, Nice to see you again. Thank you so much..
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Kevin you're so funny. I had to shorten the title. All is well. lol
That's really good stuff! You're a crime writer with some invisible vendenetta to burn. Bahahahahaha ...
Oh Ruby, you are one bad mama! This was chilling, loved the pace and you certainly delivered. Great when the monsters gets their comeuppance.:) Well done.
Whoa, well he wanted gruesome and you gave it all, good work :) I too would suggest not getting on your bad side, LOL.
Well done Ruby. I had actually forgotten about the challenge. Maybe I'll sort myself out and write an ending, but I couldn't beat this..you get a 10 on the gore scale. Great work. I thought you meant it to be "tort" the legal term as well. I think your title may be over the word limit. Try writing "Frank Atanacio's challenge" instead of "a challenge from Frank Atanacio". Voted up.
How clever using the needless jumper..LOL very clever indeed I love it.. Detective Laura Kimber would love it too.. awesome
oh my goodness this is part of what? damn this was compelling, and John Grishhamie.
OMG that's a great hub but I must say - wow!
Wow, Ruby, you are quick on the draw with this challenge! Well, actually in legally terms, the word "tort" is a wrong ... so I thought you meant for it to be tort.
You have come up with a great ending to Frank's arson case mystery!
I am not sure when I will be able to get mine done ...
Glad you got the ball rolling already. These challenges are so much fun as everyone comes up with such intriguing endings.
Up and more and sharing
Blessings
"And The Whole World Has To - Answer Right Now - Just To Tell You Once Again - Who's BAD . . ."
Well, duh, Ruby is... and I'll tell ya, I am not going to get on your BAD side, girlfriend!!
Your dark side is 'alive and well' and I really really like it! I like this story too!
Voted UP and Awesome and sharing! Love ya, mar
Very Interesting!
Well it was there when I read it so I guess that it heard you, lol.
Kevin
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Hello Bill. Thank you for the high quality comment. I am thrilled you you think so....
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Kevin, I clicked edit on the title and added the ure to torture, but when i clicked publish the ure was not there. I did it about 5 times before i got mad and said, " Oh the H with it...Thank you..
Interesting Ruby, that was good. I have not read the beginning yet when I wrote this. You can edit the title Ruby, it is the URL which you cannot change.
Kevin
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I tried to fix the title ( Torture ) but it wouldn't take the ure. I am so mad right now. I gotta cool off. Hee.
Wonderful, Ruby! I was wondering who would be the first to answer Frank's challenge, and you were and it was high quality. Well done my friend.
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