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The street gang knew no boundaries when it came to torture. Frank Atanacio's challenge.

Updated on September 22, 2014
always exploring profile image

I am a writer of poetry and fiction. I especially love flash fiction. My name is Ruby, and I live in Southern Illinois. I am a retired R.N.

Mia
Mia | Source

Andra could identify Mia from a strawberry birth mark on her neck.

Detective Laura Kimbers couldn't get the horrific scene of the burned corpse wrapped in a tarp out of her psyche. The sadistic killer had made breathing holes in the tarp so he had to watch his body burn.

She canvassed the neighborhood, hoping someone would come forward with info., but of course everyone stayed behind locked doors muttering, " I know nothing. "

When she got back to her office, she scanned dead files, hoping to find a pattern. She knew the killer was an arsonist since they discovered the pour sign where the body burned.

She was home watching the evening news when a picture flashed across the screen. It was a file picture of the girl who jumped out of the third story window at the crime scene. She had a police record, found when they matched her DNA from dental records. Her name was Mia Hernandez.

Detective Kimbers felt sure they could trace the killer through Mia's acquaintances.

She went to the office early the next morning. As soon as she sat down her phone rang. A voice whispered that she was the sister of Mia. Detective Kimbers asked her to come down to the city morgue to identify the body. Andra assured her that she would come and soon arrived at the morgue. Mia's body was still covered in blood, every bone in her small body was broken. Her eye's were hanging lose on her cheeks. Andra screamed, hiding her face in her hands. The only way she could identify Mia was a familiar strawberry birth mark on her neck.

Andra told her that Mia had ditched a boyfriend recently because he was abusive. She was living with the burn victim when she jumped.

The police had him on file. His name was Jose Mendez. It didn't take long to locate him. The voice on the phone told her to come to a shack located on 54th street by the railroad tracks.

When she and Detective Chambers arrived the gory scene made her choke and vomit. Jose Mendez was hanging from the ceiling, both hands were tied behind his back. His intestines were dangling, his bloody tongue on the floor, both eyes were gouged and hanging on his torso.

It seems the Puerto Rican street gang had a debt due for Mia, and it was paid in full.

Here's a link to Frank's story challenge.

http://frankatanacio.hubpages.com/hub/A-Writing-Challenge-for-you

Shack by the railroad tracks.
Shack by the railroad tracks.

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    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 23 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Shyron. HaHaHa. A friend indeed. Thanks for the awesome comment. Hugs..

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 23 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello dahoglund. I can understand your reluctance to read this gory piece. It is totally out of my style, but Frank said " Gory " and by the comments, I succeed. Thank you for coming by. Sorry I'm so late in responding.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 23 months ago from Texas

      Oh wow Ruby, how the heck did I miss this, it is so awesome. I sure am glad you are a friend.

      Blessings and hugs

    • dahoglund profile image

      Don A. Hoglund 23 months ago from Wisconsin Rapids

      You did well on this story. It is a genre that I neither read, nor care to write in, but you responded to the challenge and I admire that.

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hi Audrey. A little different style of writing for me. I said " Wow " too. Hee..Thank you...

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      I think I missed this one Ruby! This is a wow for me!

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Elena. Always good to see you on my page. This is a totally different write for me, but I enjoyed doing it. I'm so glad you approve. Thank you much....

    • Lady_E profile image

      Elena 2 years ago from London, UK

      Wow! That was grippin and had a very dark side. You have a beautiful talent for writing different topics, hence your profile name - always exploring. :-)

      The photo will make readers eager to read the story and Frank should be well impressed.

      Thanks

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Rolly...This is my first time to write anything sadistic, and I must say that I surprised myself. Thank you for the well done comment...

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image

      Rolly A Chabot 2 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Ruby... very impressive piece of writing here... well done my friend.

      Hugs and Blessings

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Wow Thandi! Your critique of my writing is swelling my head sooo BIG my bonnet is too tight. lol..This is my first time to write this genre and I must say, " I had a good time! Thank you so much....

    • ubanichijioke profile image

      Alexander Thandi Ubani 2 years ago from Lagos

      Ewo! The descriptive powers employed to write this write is a show of great effort, improvement and creativity. You baptized me with a haze of terrific whispering shouts of convulsing moments, experiences and jawdropping visuals and mental pictures. I'm absolutely impressed, Ruby. You've really trekked away from the pack to nibble the thread of improvement. A terrific write. I'm glad Mendez got served a meal hotter and better. The Puerto Rican street gang played their part like a pro. Well done.

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Peg. I don't know where this came from! Frank said, " Gory " and my muse dug deep. lol..Thank's for coming to read and leaving an amazing comment..

    • PegCole17 profile image

      Peg Cole 2 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      You really stepped up to the challenge with this chilling tale. Vivid and macabre. What a twist into the dark side. Amazing detail.

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Shyron. I hope you do find the time. I know it will be great. Thank's for the fantastic comment....

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 2 years ago from Texas

      Ruby, wonderful continuation to Frank’s challenge. I knew you would be up for this challenge. I think it is fantastic.

      I hope that I can find the time to jump in on this challenge.

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello tillsontitan. I read your rendition today and loved it. Thank you for stopping by...

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hi Cardisa. So good to see you back on HP..Thank's for the awesome comment..

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Genna. So glad you think I met the challenge. Frank wanted sadistic, so i dug deep, Maybe too deep.lol.. Thank you for sharing....

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Thank's Rushia. I really enjoyed writing this . A little out of my line but fun anyway. Thank's so much..

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Vellur. Nice to see you. Intense and dark, I agree. Thank's for stopping by...

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 2 years ago from New York

      You did a great job following in Frank's tradition with that "little" twist at the end. You certainly were up to the challenge.

      Voted up, awesome, and interesting.

    • Cardisa profile image

      Carolee Samuda 2 years ago from Jamaica

      Very good! Had me hanging on to every word. The description was awesome as well.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Hi Ruby. Great ending to Frank's story. It is creative, realistic and very dark...all the ingredients ini keeping with the tone of his opening short story. This complements and compliments Frank's beginning story. Well done. :-) Voted up and shared.

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 2 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      This was great. You're really up to the challenge Ruby.

    • Vellur profile image

      Nithya Venkat 2 years ago from Dubai

      Deep, intense and dark story, great write.

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hi Nell. The devil made me do it. Ha. Happy you enjoyed. Go investigate, then write a good one..Cheers...

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Thandi. It was another one of Frank's challenges, see above the link I left on Misterhollywood's comment. Join in and have some fun writing fiction. Thank's for the awesome comment..

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 2 years ago from England

      Hi Ruby, Wow! how gruesome and just how I love a good story! I always miss the challenges so I will have to go investigate, loved it! voted up!

    • ubanichijioke profile image

      Alexander Thandi Ubani 2 years ago from Lagos

      Wow! That was thrilling. No one told me of this challenge. I didn't see that ending part; sounded like a movie. Awesome, Ruby.

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      HaHa, Yes I meant prostitute. Lordy I don't think she had a prostate! Oh I'm cracking up. lol

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Jodah. I just read yours and loved it. It's like Bill said on your hub, " You've got talent. " Cheers...

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Mike, Mike Mike. What can I say? Can I say that my muse completely took over and took me down a really dark path? It's so funny, when I started writing I had no idea where I was going, then the girl falling became the choice character. Frank only mentioned her in passing. I wish you would write your version. I know it would be great. Thank's so much..Hugs...

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Um Ruby, I think you meant "prostitute" not "prostate"...lol.

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Ann. It is really funny how we come up with different stories. I just read Jodah's and loved it. He made my Mia into a prostate. HaHa..Glad you're going to join in the fun. Thank you..

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

    • mckbirdbks profile image

      mckbirdbks 2 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Holy Jupitor Batman, it’s Mickey Spillane Exploring at our service. Ruby, Ruby, Ruby……..

    • annart profile image

      Ann Carr 2 years ago from SW England

      Great response to this challenge. I'm going to have a go but it'll have to wait until I get home to publish. You certainly managed the blood and gore well! I'm always amazed at all the different approaches to any of the challenges here on hubpages; just goes to show what an imaginative bunch exists here! Well done.

      Ann

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello DDE. It's funny how you can make up a story in your mind from another piece written as a challenge. You should try it, it's fun. Thank's for always reading my hubs, no matter the subject...

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      manatita this is far from poetry, just a piece of creative writing from a challenge from Frank's torture story. Believe it or not, I feel sorry for the poor guy..sigh. Thank's for coming...

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Sunya. Nice to meet you. Mouth open, shock, plus criminally delicious is a correct critique for this gory piece. BTW my first. Thank you...

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Janie. Nice to meet you. I agree, the picture is mild compared to the story. I like your comment, Crime delicious. Thank you for reading..

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Eric. Nice to meet you. " Grossly entertaining " just about wraps this piece up. You must read the start of this challenge to see the full meaning, see above the link in blue. Thank you for stopping by.

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      You unfolded such another talent in you. So well told.

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      manatita44 2 years ago

      Pretty tough stuff for me. Michael Jackson's video was cool. You told your story quite well. Scary.

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      Sunya Rodriguez 2 years ago

      Mouth open, shock perhaps, but open. I agree with Janine, criminally delicious. and i second the poor guy remark. Poor Guy

    • profile image

      Janine Berros 2 years ago

      Just got this from On the Dime fiction whatever, but had to comment as I usually do not. I found it sadistic, creative and damn poor guy. You know the woman jumping from the window was mild compared to the story, and they say a picture is worth a thousand words. well Ms Exploring, you proved that theory wrong. where do I vote up and crime delicious?

    • profile image

      Eric Boyd 2 years ago

      This was a slap in the face with reality, I love it, but feel it could have been longer. Excuse this, but i found it grossly entertaining.

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello btrbell. I tried to write something more sadistic than his burning body. lol Thank you for coming to read and comment..

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Shauna. Hee..I really didn't have nightmares after writing this. Frank said that it had to be more sadistic than his, so i had to dig deep, his was Big time grotesque. I agree it's morbid and I can't believe I wrote it...lol..

    • btrbell profile image

      Randi Benlulu 2 years ago from Mesa, AZ

      Well, I would say you meet the challenge and then some! Great job!

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 2 years ago from Central Florida

      Oh, how morbid and grotesque, Ruby! Did you have nightmares after writing this?

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Susan. Holy Moly..HaHa Thank's for the lol. You're next, go girl...

    • Susan Zutautas profile image

      Susan Zutautas 2 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Oh Ruby what a great job you did on Franks challenge! Holy Moly :)

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Flourish Anyway. HaHa.. Love your comment as much as I loved writing this gory piece. Thank you so much...

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Jo. So glad you thought it was chilling, mission accomplished! Now it's your turn. Go girl!

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello The Stages Of Me. LOL ..You made me laugh, I'm really not bad! Hee..Thank you...

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Jodah. That's exactly what was wrong, the title was too long, when I shortened the wording, it worked. Thank you so much for the info. and the score of 10. I'm waiting eagerly for your rendition.

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Frank. I'm so glad you approve. Thank you for giving us a great story challenge....

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Caldwell. See the link above. Your comment made me smile BIG time. Thank's for coming by...

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello misterhollywood. Thank's for the wow comment. Here's a link to Frank's story. Enjoy.

      https://hubpages.com/literature/A-Writing-Challeng...

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Theresa. The title was too long, so I shortened it and it worked. ( Thank's to Jodah. ) I will be watching for your story. This is so much fun. Keep it going, everyone!

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Mar. My muse is so happy, she's singing under my window, laladede. lol. You know she loves the dark side of me. I love your comment. Thank you..Love you. Hugs

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      kljones, Nice to see you again. Thank you so much..

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Kevin you're so funny. I had to shorten the title. All is well. lol

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 2 years ago from USA

      That's really good stuff! You're a crime writer with some invisible vendenetta to burn. Bahahahahaha ...

    • tobusiness profile image

      Jo Alexis-Hagues 2 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

      Oh Ruby, you are one bad mama! This was chilling, loved the pace and you certainly delivered. Great when the monsters gets their comeuppance.:) Well done.

    • The Stages Of ME profile image

      The Stages Of ME 2 years ago

      Whoa, well he wanted gruesome and you gave it all, good work :) I too would suggest not getting on your bad side, LOL.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Well done Ruby. I had actually forgotten about the challenge. Maybe I'll sort myself out and write an ending, but I couldn't beat this..you get a 10 on the gore scale. Great work. I thought you meant it to be "tort" the legal term as well. I think your title may be over the word limit. Try writing "Frank Atanacio's challenge" instead of "a challenge from Frank Atanacio". Voted up.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      How clever using the needless jumper..LOL very clever indeed I love it.. Detective Laura Kimber would love it too.. awesome

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      Caldwell 2 years ago

      oh my goodness this is part of what? damn this was compelling, and John Grishhamie.

    • misterhollywood profile image

      John Hollywood 2 years ago from Hollywood, CA

      OMG that's a great hub but I must say - wow!

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

      Wow, Ruby, you are quick on the draw with this challenge! Well, actually in legally terms, the word "tort" is a wrong ... so I thought you meant for it to be tort.

      You have come up with a great ending to Frank's arson case mystery!

      I am not sure when I will be able to get mine done ...

      Glad you got the ball rolling already. These challenges are so much fun as everyone comes up with such intriguing endings.

      Up and more and sharing

      Blessings

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 2 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      "And The Whole World Has To - Answer Right Now - Just To Tell You Once Again - Who's BAD . . ."

      Well, duh, Ruby is... and I'll tell ya, I am not going to get on your BAD side, girlfriend!!

      Your dark side is 'alive and well' and I really really like it! I like this story too!

      Voted UP and Awesome and sharing! Love ya, mar

    • kljones86 profile image

      Along with the wind 2 years ago from colorado

      Very Interesting!

    • The Examiner-1 profile image

      The Examiner-1 2 years ago

      Well it was there when I read it so I guess that it heard you, lol.

      Kevin

    • always exploring profile image
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      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hello Bill. Thank you for the high quality comment. I am thrilled you you think so....

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Kevin, I clicked edit on the title and added the ure to torture, but when i clicked publish the ure was not there. I did it about 5 times before i got mad and said, " Oh the H with it...Thank you..

    • The Examiner-1 profile image

      The Examiner-1 2 years ago

      Interesting Ruby, that was good. I have not read the beginning yet when I wrote this. You can edit the title Ruby, it is the URL which you cannot change.

      Kevin

    • always exploring profile image
      Author

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      I tried to fix the title ( Torture ) but it wouldn't take the ure. I am so mad right now. I gotta cool off. Hee.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Wonderful, Ruby! I was wondering who would be the first to answer Frank's challenge, and you were and it was high quality. Well done my friend.