Our friend here was sold this polo shirt by the very persuasive young saleslady at Rondo’s House for The Very Big, The Quite Tall, and The Visually Stunning. The lass contended that our pal could circumvent the fattening illusion that is often a by-product of horizontal stripes by simply limiting the total number of stripes to three or less. (And, as it turned out, the only two-striped polo in the store was a silly turquoise and pink job no one in his right mind would be caught dead in).
Notice how well it seems to be working?
Might I suggest instead a) a check for any persistent glandular condition, b) fruits and vegetables, c) exercise, d) more drive-bys, fewer drive-thrus, e) bariatric surgery, f) push-ups and push-aways, or g) perhaps vertical stripes?