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To The Unloveable Little Girl

Updated on November 12, 2014

Dear girl who made my son cry,

I do know your name. You have a lot of pain in your eyes and I know why. I know your mom left your family a few years ago. Packed her bags and left in the middle of the night - without you or your sister. I know it hurt your dad deeply and sometimes he's not there for you. Your hair and hands are often dirty. You rarely smile. You ride your bike unsupervised into the street without looking for cars. I expect to hear you've been hit by a car and hope it won't be me. You grab other kids toys/scooters while they are playing with them and refuse to share anything you bring out. You ask the most inappropriate questions to adults when they come out. By this, and other actions you have made yourself unlovable. I am an adult who knows what you have been through and still struggle with feelings of not wanting you around. When I send my boys outside to play, I hope you are not there (which you always are) so they can play in peace. I know in my heart the children who make themselves unloveable are the ones who need the most love. Knowing this has not made it any easier in putting that into practice with you.

That is why I must apologize. Yesterday you ran in front of my son in the bus line and said something that I couldn't hear that made him cry to the point the bus driver needed to stop and give him a hug before she could drive on. This morning at the bus stop you ran in front of him in line and I scolded you (not harshly) about how it wasn't nice to make others cry. You immediately wilted into a defeated ball. I was worried for my son without consideration of what you've been through already today. Did you get enough sleep? Did you get anything to eat for breakfast? Did anyone give you a hug and tell you they love you? I am an adult and should have the wisdom to let well enough alone. To set a good example.

Although I alone cannot break your tough shell, I pledge to do better. I will do my best to say nice things and boost your self esteem. I will show more patience with you knowing you are likely having a rough day.
I hope the best for you and hope life gets better. Me


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    • HeatherH104 profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from USA

      Bob, I've never heard of the "stupid file" before but it makes sense. I saw her today and told her I hoped she has a good day today and really meant it. I'm hoping that my son will understand she is in pain and we need to be kind to her. Time will tell.

      Thank you for the comment, and votes. :)


    • no body profile image

      Robert E Smith 

      6 years ago from Rochester, New York

      It is so hard to be objective when your own children are the victims. I have been the one to look objectively at bullies and have been accused of "taking the bully's side. It is never easy to love like Jesus tells us to because it really doesn't come naturally. It is in our nature to hurt back to make sure no one ever violates us or our loved ones ever again. But the only way to assure a bully not be a bully is to help them change from the inside out, to help them understand how they are hurting others in their process of coping with their own pain. I don't know any other method than to allow hurts and reward the hurts with love. That surely doesn't mean that bullying is excused but that when it is stopped love is shown and modeled to them. Kids have a file in their brains called, "The Stupid File" into which they put all the wisdom that they are too immature to understand. It contains bits of things people have said, bits of good deeds they have seen modeled. Things they consider at the time "too stupid" to pay any attention. As long as we can make sure that the good deed and sincere love is filed away in their minds, we have done our job. Even if where they filed it is in the "Stupid File." Their will be a time that in desperation, (and when they think no one is looking) they will revisit things in the stupid file and they will try to understand things they missed as a youth. At least, this is what I have found to be true. The other thing that parents can do with their bullied child is to pray for the bully with them. Help your child to know that there may be a reason for them being mean that doesn't even have anything to do with him/her at all. That does marvelously to lend strength to the child. Just remember your child and the bully are both watching to see what the parent does. I voted up and useful and beautiful. Bob.

    • HeatherH104 profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from USA

      Yes, a very tough position. I'm hoping my son will also learn from all of this.

      Thank you for the comment Roadmonkey!

      :) Heather

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      It's so hard, isn't it? You know and understand what they have gone through, yet you can't let your own child suffer. Great hub.

    • HeatherH104 profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from USA

      Thank you Eddy! I'm glad to hear of your work. We do need more of those kind of places and not just in cities.

      Take care and thanks for the comment, vote, and share. :)


    • Eiddwen profile image


      6 years ago from Wales

      Oh how heart tugging Heather. I worked with our Youth offending Team for around 6 years and understand why some youngsters hit out and their behaviour becomes totally unacceptable. It is such a complex situation and thank goodness there are people like you who are farseeing enough to be able to see behind this little girl's front.

      Voting up and sharing for sure.


    • HeatherH104 profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from USA

      Thank you Jodah! It's difficult for me, but it's even harder for my son to understand. I hope he also learns a lesson from all of this.

      Thanks for the comment, take care!


    • HeatherH104 profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from USA

      Thank you Bill - I am trying. I'm sure you are a lot better at it than me. :)

      Have a great night!


    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      6 years ago from Queensland Australia

      This is sad Heather. I know where you are coming from though. Even when you know the situation that this little girl is in and it is obviously she has a difficult family life, it is still difficult to be kind and accepting of bad and hurtful behaviour.

      All you can really do is try to be understanding and show her as much love and kindness as possible. She may not show any appreciation or sign of understanding, but it may have an impact later on. I know it is difficult with your son being bullied by her though. Try to explain to him what may be causing her actions. Good hub.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      6 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I saw a lot of those little girls during eighteen years of teaching. Bravo to you for seeing beyond her act and understanding the cause of her actions.


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