ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Books, Literature, and Writing»
  • Commercial & Creative Writing»
  • Creative Writing

Today is a special day: A short

Updated on October 19, 2016
Quote and Picture Created by Warren C. Daniels Jr. with Microsoft Publisher
Quote and Picture Created by Warren C. Daniels Jr. with Microsoft Publisher | Source

Today is a special day. A day he has prepared for, for a very long time. The man sits at his writing desk lost in thought, as a cool breeze comes in from the double paned window on his right. His study is filled with books. It is an impressive personal collection of mixed genres with everything from mystery to Horror and Marketing to Finance. Most people would say he has done well for himself. He is a published author and marketing officer at a well known bank, his two children are exemplary students at an expensive private school and his wife loves him dearly. Yet, he sits at his desk today with his computer open, a small blade to his right and a handgun in his lap. He has decided to type his final work and leave a final goodbye for those that cared. With calm dedicated key strokes he begins to type his story.

I tried today, I really did. I tried to be better than yesterday or the day before. I tried being better than I have been. I tried not being me. Although, I know this testament is lost in the wind because I failed, but don't we all? I wonder, quite often in fact, do I even care. I have seen year upon year of my life seep into a well of lost ideas and untried dreams, listless and bottled up, while others in my life tried to enjoy themselves. No, I don't envy them because it just seems like so much unnecessary work. What I can tell you is that the rage inside me is so fierce now and it leaves me bewildered, but how can I make anyone understand the release that is required? They say a creative mind wasted is a death in waiting, wait, or is that me that thinks that? Whatever the case, I find myself digging deeper to find the creativity that once flowed like waterfalls in mid-summer. Really, it's that I have this hardness inside me, one that clogs it, my creativity. I can live with it playing drone, business casual, manning phones and stiffening intellectualism, if not for the vapid, self-serving and belittling circus trainers, sometimes called managers. Enough of that, they are fleeting nuances that just get in the way and are meaningless in the scheme of things.

Quote and Picture Created by Warren C. Daniels Jr. with Microsoft Publisher
Quote and Picture Created by Warren C. Daniels Jr. with Microsoft Publisher | Source

So, onward, because I find myself in a perplexing situation. What is worth living for? Easy, right? There are a myriad of things I can fire off at will, as I am sure you can as well. Yet, if I speak these things am I being forthright and completely true with myself? I think not. I tell myself I am a kind man but I have a deep hate and displeasure for so many things, that it makes being kind a struggle in and of itself. They say God is the way and if only you allow yourself to accept that, you will be free, yet am I not already free? I am free to deny this fairy tale and call the bluff of any preacher that scams his or her flock. I am free to spit in the face of manmade authority, one created by those who are no different than I, those who shit, eat, drink and defile themselves in depravity. I am free to say that I accept the need for society and the order it is supposed to bring. But even if I do these things, I am not accepting fate nor the will of those who think higher of themselves. I hold them in contempt and argue that they are the ones who are trapped and caged. The only thing I am not free of is the possible consequences imposed by my acceptance of society's necessity, which leads me to the inevitable conclusion that I am not free of myself.

I have thought for a very long time on how to cure my madness and now realize that the only thing that holds me from true freedom is the flesh that I currently reside in. Battling for so long with the world about me, I have never found a place to solidify happiness. Yes, there are many things that have given me joy, love and companionship but the world has never been home to me. The darkness this world holds is so immense that the good within it is but a pin drop within it and even more so when pitted against the universe. If I am to ease the pain, to wash the unclean, I must walk into the end on my own terms. I know even after I have said this and left it behind, that I will still not be understood and that is okay, I don't expect anyone to understand if I couldn't even understand myself. I just wish the world was better. I just wish I wasn't broken.

Quote and Picture Created by Warren C. Daniels Jr. with Microsoft Publisher
Quote and Picture Created by Warren C. Daniels Jr. with Microsoft Publisher | Source

After writing the final lines, he leans back in his brown leather executive chair, takes hold of the knife in his right hand and begins to dig at the underside of his left arm. Making sure to avoid any deep veins, he carefully cuts a three inch long strip. He watches the cut open slowly; it reminds him of how a raw steak splits apart when it's only cut part way through. His body tingles in anticipation, as the blood wells up and drools over the ends of loose skin and muscle, and then slides to the base of his elbow. A smile of relief touches his face as he switches arms and repeats the process. Setting the blade down, he looks in satisfaction at his work. He picks up the Smith & Wesson, Governor model handgun, places it in his mouth and pulls the trigger. A tear falls from his left eye as his body slumps lifeless in the brown leather executive chair. His final thought was a simple "I'm sorry" and then he was gone.

© 2014 Warren Curtis Daniels Jr


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      Hank 3 years ago

      That was one of the most raw pieces I have read on depression. Wow, just wow! It really hit me close to home. Thumbs up

    • Warren Curtis profile image

      Warren Curtis Daniels Jr 3 years ago from Buffalo, New York

      I hope to publish soon!

    • profile image

      Mark 3 years ago

      Wow, nice writing. You should get something published I'd buy it. Good luck

    • Warren Curtis profile image

      Warren Curtis Daniels Jr 3 years ago from Buffalo, New York

      Thanks Gavin!

    • profile image

      Gavin H. 3 years ago

      I was surfing the net and found this. Not bad, pretty good stuff.

    • Warren Curtis profile image

      Warren Curtis Daniels Jr 3 years ago from Buffalo, New York

      Thanks so much for reading. I'm so glad you saw what I was trying to do.

    • carrie Lee Night profile image

      Carrie Lee Night 3 years ago from Northeast United States

      Awesome ! :). You really captured the essence of depression. Maybe this will reach out to someone and help them. I think teens should read this....its raw nature is reality. And Yes depression is fightable.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: ""

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)