ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Tonight, My Life

Updated on December 15, 2012

Tonight, my life for the most part is okay. I like that word okay. It's neither beautiful or perfect, not extravagant in the least....a mere swizzle stick in a drink. It has great color, has a purpose but you don't really need it. It is what it is, merely a pleasant sustaining sphere in a globe that spins without me feeling it. It is a turn of a wrist, a tilt of the head, a sideways glare at a Christmas party, a "hello" to a stranger or a phone call late at night that comes and goes and is soon forgotten, like so many whispers before it.

Life is okay. I will stay tonight. I will see how it is tomorrow because I have no guarantees, because I make no promises, because I owe nothing to no one, because this life, however okay it is, belongs to me. And I will make the decision into how it is played, how it is devoured, consumed, wasted or thrown about like rag dolls with flailing arms and legs. I will say if it stops or if it goes and who I choose to share any part of that life with. And if by chance I choose to go to you, to bring you in, to scoop you up without warning or feminine etiquette, then take the advance, like a whore who slaps your ass and throws you a wink and a shimmy, allow me to use you, allow me to put you into places you didn't think you belonged, to share my dreams and view my world from within its caves and walls of swollen candies, from its dreary palms and sleepy eyed masks that contort the existence I call my life. It is my delusion.

Maybe I have distorted myself to believe things, maybe I imagined all of this, felt all these spasms of heart strings and violins that played from a distance, maybe I chose to see those angels or demons wrapped around a pole as I drove at 80mph. I only heard their wings and never noticed their teeth. Maybe I never saw or felt anything at all. Maybe I saw green where there was only hazel....a mud watery pool of emptiness where I chose to see a kaleidoscope. Maybe I felt a heart beat where there was only skin or bone, a warmth that turned out to be my own heat for that precious moment that didn't last.

I don't know. But I do know one thing; I know how to love you like nobody else can. I know how to be loyal and true. And make no mistake, I will own you, every inch of you whether you want me to have you or not, you will dream of me, you will think of me, even when you don't want to. That my friend, is truth. It is pungent and very real. It is potent and fertile. I will shake your soul and you will be scared but that's only if you aren't strong enough. And you need to be stronger to be with me. You are my alpha and I wasn't looking, nor was I ready and neither were you.

Tonight, I will stay in this realm of a thing they call life. I will write, dream, cry, laugh, do whatever these mortals do and continue another day, watching another moon slip past the quiet of my sleep and drown inside whatever is left of me.

Do you have what it takes to be a writer? Join the HUB today and become a Hubber too. It's free and easy to join. Click below and start earning!


Submit a Comment

No comments yet.


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)