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Top 10 Things to Do When You Lose Internet Service (Humor)

Updated on May 6, 2017
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Technology ...

What would man do without it?

Grab a cup of coffee, boot up the computer, light up a cigarette (if you're a smoker, if not, try to restrain from preaching about the woes of smoking for a change), and relax as you hit the Internet Explorer, Firefox, Google Chrome, or whatever browser you use.

99% of the time, you have the enjoyment of checking the news, weather, gossip, sports, or adult web sites (you proclaim you never visit). But, what about those times you don't?

AAAARRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!

NO! NO! NO! WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DON'T HAVE INTERNET SERVICE!!!!!!!

WORK!  WORK!   I NEED MY INTERNET FIX!!!
WORK! WORK! I NEED MY INTERNET FIX!!! | Source

Panic rushes through your body and the shakes begin! You're like an addict without a fix, a coffee drinker without a Starbucks, a reality TV junkie without Honey Eew Eew, a smoker without a cigarette! (See, if you were patient and didn't mouth off above about cigarettes, you've now been placated.)

You call your service provider and spend two hours going through all the restart, reboot, reset, retard, redo, remake, readjust, require, and replies that the $10 an hour customer service idiot puts you through. Then, and only then, do you find out that their service department has reported a broadband outage in your area! (At least, if you are using Windstream as your provider. Believe me, I just went through it 18 hours ago, and still no service!)

So, now you're at their mercy. It's a Saturday afternoon, and a whole weekend of catching up on emails, hub readings, and commenting are going down the drain. Your nerves are shot as you contemplate the reactions of others to you ignoring their recent writings.

"You're no longer one of us! You are only a self serving pusher of your own hubs! You will be banned forever from our community for your unexcused absence! This is going on your permanent record!"

The sweat flows in waves from your forehead. Every minute that passes without the service becomes an eternity. Every hour becomes unbearable!

You scream at your spouse! You use your cell phone to try to comment, but quickly find yourself into a crazed state as the tiny little keyboard and slow download times push your patience to the limits! Even the cats are hiding underneath the beds to avoid your anger!

So, what do you do?

I'M LOOKIN' FOR A SERVICE TECH THAT'S S'POSED TO BE FIXIN' MY INTERNET!!! Y'ALL AIN'T SEEN HIM, HAVE YA?
I'M LOOKIN' FOR A SERVICE TECH THAT'S S'POSED TO BE FIXIN' MY INTERNET!!! Y'ALL AIN'T SEEN HIM, HAVE YA? | Source

1. Go Service Tech Hunting

Loading up the rifle rack in the back window of the pick-up truck can provide you with exercise. We all know that exercise helps to calm frustration, so make sure you only pick out the largest rifles and shotguns you own to maximize this benefit! Then, drive around the block looking for the service truck on the side of the road.

Increase your search area a block at a time until you finally find the tech sleeping in the back of the van. Bang loudly with the stock of a huge shotgun on the van until you awaken him. Ask if he knows who the idiot is that's supposed to be working on the broadband service because you're ready to fill his tail with buckshot! Of course, he will deny he is the one, but you may have provided him with the motivation to get his act together and get busy!

GOTTA FIND A NEW PROVIDER!  GOTTA FIND A NEW PROVIDER!  GOTTA FIND A NEW PROVIDER!
GOTTA FIND A NEW PROVIDER! GOTTA FIND A NEW PROVIDER! GOTTA FIND A NEW PROVIDER! | Source

2. Search Out Other Providers

We all know that Sprint's 3G service means "Count to three before throwing your phone out the window", but it is a way to waste an hour or two searching for alternatives to your current provider.

I found several options available that I would never have searched for if Windstream had not given me the opportunity to do so. Direct TV, Insight, and a couple of others have some bundling plans that look fairly attractive. Since this is being written on a Sunday, and most of their business offices are currently closed, Monday's activities are already planned out! You may find comfort in knowing what you have to do in the future, and recognize the peaceful feeling it provides.

3. Spread The Word On Facebook

Even though you're dealing with a phone keyboard not made for the fingers of most grown adults, demonstrating your talents by making your situation well known on Facebook may bring you some satisfaction. Not only does it help your internal self pity needs, but it assists you in knowing you're actually helping people in today's world by letting them in on how bad your Internet service actually is, and to change theirs if they use the same. And, it doesn't cost you a penny if you're on an unlimited usage plan!

4. Perfect Your Spider Solitaire Skills

Did you know that if you play 487 games of Spider Solitaire, you're bound to win at least three? Try it and see! Just remember, "No Cheating!"

IF THE WORLD IS ROUND LIKE A RUBBER BALL, WHY WOULDN'T AN ASTEROID JUST BOUNCE OFF OF IT?
IF THE WORLD IS ROUND LIKE A RUBBER BALL, WHY WOULDN'T AN ASTEROID JUST BOUNCE OFF OF IT? | Source

5. Ask Yourself Meaningless Questions

Your spouse will take solace in seeing you sit in the recliner in a daze as you delve into the world of the unknown.

"Why does the sun rise and set, but the moon only rises?", "When is "too much" too much?", and "Is there actually someone working to fix the Internet service or are they just running the outage recording to placate outraged customers?" are just a few examples one can use to waste time.

For those of you requiring something with more substance, ask yourself, "If Mark Twain and Edgar Allen Poe participated in wife swapping, would Stephen King or Charles Schultz have been the result?"

HERE, TRY THIS!  IT'LL PUT HAIR ON YOUR CHEST!
HERE, TRY THIS! IT'LL PUT HAIR ON YOUR CHEST! | Source

6. Cook Something

Take your Dollar Store salami, add both a slice of Swiss and American cheese, one slice of tomato, and barbecue sauce to two slices of wheat bread and make a new style of grilled cheese sandwich.

Or, mix the leftover spaghetti sauce with the leftover roast and potatoes, bone last week's KFC thighs you never ate, cut up an apple, mash a banana, mix it all together and cook over low heat for 30 minutes. Surprise your family at dinner! You'll never have to prepare a meal again!

WIRE, WIRE, WHERE'S THE RIGHT WIRE?
WIRE, WIRE, WHERE'S THE RIGHT WIRE? | Source

7. Pull Out The Old Playstation 2

Remember how this was so much fun at one time? Well, just try hooking one up to your new flat screen TV for hours of fun! Yes, the hook-ups have changed! Just imagine the thrills you'll have going to the local Radio Shack and discussing all the differences with the college kid tech head running the place! Just beware, some of these kids weren't even old enough to write cursive when you purchased your unit, so you may have to make several trips back to return the wires and adapters that won't work!

GOTTA CLEAR ME A DRAIN, COZ I MESSED UP BIG TIME!  NO MORE WAX DOWN THE DRAIN ... EVER!!!
GOTTA CLEAR ME A DRAIN, COZ I MESSED UP BIG TIME! NO MORE WAX DOWN THE DRAIN ... EVER!!! | Source

8. Remove Wax From Candle Holders

If you've saved all the glass containers that once held Dollar Store candles, what a great time you can have cleaning out the old wax and searching for replacement candles!

Take one large roasting pan, fill with half an inch of water, stretch it across two burners on the stove, and bring to a boil. Then, carefully set the glass containers in the pan, open end up. After twenty minutes, you can return to find all the waxy remains floating along the bottom of the glass containers. No! Don't pick them up with your fingers, Dummy! See, you'll burn your fingers just like you just did! No! Don't pour the wax down the sink drain! See, you'll stop it up when the wax hardens in the bends of the pipes! Now you can call the plumber and complain to him about your Internet service when he's clearing your drains!

LADIES!  JUST REMEMBER, EVEN HE NEEDS HIS BELLY BUTTON CLEANED OF LINT EVERY NOW AND THEN!
LADIES! JUST REMEMBER, EVEN HE NEEDS HIS BELLY BUTTON CLEANED OF LINT EVERY NOW AND THEN! | Source

9. Catch Up On Personal Hygiene

As most Internet junkies go, that shower is always after you wake up with a cup of coffee after catching up online. Sometimes, the online experience continues until it’s time to go back to bed for the evening, and the shower gets bypassed. Make your neighborhood a nice place to visit and clear the stench by taking that much needed shower. Take your time and enjoy the soap. Your spouse might even move back into the house when you do!

Also, what a wonderful time to pick the lint out of your belly button. Normal people have submerged belly buttons, even though adult film stars and Rihanna wannabees put a piece of cheap costume jewelry in them. It’s time to dig and scrape within, removing all the unwanted build-up. No! Don't smell it! You’ll lose weight, give yourself more room for a bigger piece of imitation jewelry, and feel refreshed! If your belly button has emerged instead of submerged, you can skip this step, or just sit and wonder why the delivery room doctor ever let your father tie the cord to begin with!

KEEP PUSHING, HONEY!  WE'VE ONLY GOT 24 BLOCKS TO GO!
KEEP PUSHING, HONEY! WE'VE ONLY GOT 24 BLOCKS TO GO! | Source

10. Visit the Neighborhood

Have your spouse push you around the block in your computer chair. It’s a great way to enjoy the fresh air, meet people, and give your spouse some much needed exercise!


Remember, you must take care of the ones you love!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NO LONGER IN THE MOOD TO GO ONLINE????
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NO LONGER IN THE MOOD TO GO ONLINE???? | Source

When Service Returns

Nineteen hours later, when your service is finally restored, you can sit back and write a hub on what to do without Internet service. Your spouse will be happy to see you busy again, your online friends will be happy to see you back, and you’ll be preparing the masses for the one day inevitable occurrence that awaits them!

Just make sure it’s original!


©Copyright RCRUMPLE2012. All Rights Reserved

The Limousines - Internet Killed The Video Star (Official Music Video)

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    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Where was clean your house? That's what I do when I have no service which is hardly ever, luckily! Or I hack into my neighbors server. I might also read or hang out with my family. Oh my!! Let's hope we never lose service!!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Linda -

      Good to see you!

      I usually let my wife have her way with the house as she prefers it that way. I did try to hack into my neighbors routers, but I'm not real good with security codes. And my wife's been working, so the cats are the only things at home, and they were hiding under the bed! lol Tomorrow's another day. Hopefully, service will still be working, at least until another service can be acquired. : )

      Really appreciate you stopping by! Many thanks!

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Bro,

      This officially gets the "you ain't right award"... but it sure hit a few funny nerves, I must say! I can just see you dear wife wheelin you round the hood and you hangin on for dear life...pickin at that belly button, honey ew ew!!

      Oh man, this is good times... ain't we lucky we got em?

      Voted UP and FAB! Love you, Sis

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Sis -

      Really good of you to stop by.

      You've just confirmed what my wife has been saying, "Rich, stop pickin' the lint outta your belly button!" : ) We gotta find the humor in the day's frustrations. Otherwise, when we're done being ticked off, we've nothing to smile about! What can I say?

      Thanks for all your votes and great comments! Greatly appreciated!

    • profile image

      Sueswan 4 years ago

      Hi Richard,

      I was without internet service for a few hours last week. I tried several times using the diagnose and repair then gave up and went to bed. Your ways are much more fun! ROFL

      Couple hours later I woke up and of course headed straight to the computer. Everything was fine.

      Let the internet be with you. ;-)

      Voted up, awesome, funny and sharing

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Sue -

      Really good to see you!

      Hope all of my pictures were there for you. All of a sudden, they seem to have dropped out of existence. Very curious. First problems with the Internet, and now with HP's. Must be aliens screwing around! lol My provider usually takes care of things fairly quickly. This nineteen hour excursion was a little ridiculous, to say the least. Glad you enjoyed it!

      Thanks for the comments and votes! Much appreciated!

    • profile image

      Sunnie Day 4 years ago

      RC this was so funny...As I read I began to think what I would do with no internet service..the thought sent me instantly into a panic mode..haha..after going through some withdrawals..I think I would pick up that book I had purchased a month ago that lay on my table begging me to take a look or clean the house...naaw who am I kidding....I would read!

      Thanks for the smiles.

      Sunnie

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Sunnie -

      Glad you enjoyed this!

      I get the shakes just thinking of it again. lol Actually, my eyes have kept me off of it so much for the last month or so that it doesn't bother me that much. (Okay, I'm lying ... I'm quivering all over, lol) Reading is an option, but it really takes concentration. Any other time of the year is fine, but during basketball season, I'm watching a game and perusing the computer screen at about the same time. Sitting still and doing nothing but watching the game comes close to driving this impatient guy crazy. : )

      Glad you enjoyed this! Good to see you smile!

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 4 years ago from New York, New York

      And this is how I felt after Hurricane Sandy. I was going withdrawal and bad, lol!! Seriously, loved you advice and very funny article. Have of curse voted way up, shared and tweeted, too!!

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 4 years ago from Singapore

      Oops, I hate it when the internet goes down. I like Tip no. 7, and pulling out wax from candle holders is for those with a need to test the fire-proofability of their fingers! Thanks for sharing, passing this on.

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Janine -

      Always good to see one of my very favorite people!

      I can see you holding onto Kevin, shaking, eyes bugging, and cursing at everything going on as your laptop kept saying, "No Service Available." lol I'm really just glad you all came through it as well as you did. Glad you liked this one!

      Thanks for the share, votes and comments! You know they're always greatly appreciated!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Michelle -

      Internet problems ... in Singapore???? I figured the entire city was just one giant antenna! lol So, you like talking to the younger guys at Radio Shack, do you? : ) I'll keep that quiet so hubby doesn't find out! At a dollar a candle, I'm passing on cleaning out the glass jars myself. Besides, if you just stick different colored candles on top of those already melted, you end up with a jar filled with rainbow effect wax. (Perfect weight for you to throw at hubby when you lose your temper, lol)

      Thanks for everything you do! Always good to see you stop in!

    • Stephanie Henkel profile image

      Stephanie Henkel 4 years ago from USA

      I love your lead photo as that is exactly what I want to do when my internet goes out! It's a sad state of affairs when we go so nuts because we can't access the internet for a few hours! Love your hub and thanks for the ideas of what to do if the internet goes down...gives me something to do besides play endless games of Tetris!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Stephanie -

      Really good to see you again!

      I felt the photo fairly accurate for my feelings as well. lol I had really planned on trying to weed through the thousand emails I've gathered over the last month, and found it impossible to accomplish. Oh well, I hope people don't get too mad at me. : )

      Glad you enjoyed this one! Many thanks for commenting!

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 4 years ago from New York

      I love everything about this hub Rich! You've explained all the terrible withdrawal we suffer when there's no Internet..I mean really what could be worse??? However, I might have Laryy start pushing me around the house in my computer chair so he gets in shape and is ready when I need it.

      Voted up, useful, and ver funny.

    • clark farley profile image

      clark farley 4 years ago

      great post, really is strange how (our) (or may just mine) lives has changed to include a channel of communication involving the internet!

      I mean I know that losing power is a pain in the neck, but it does not make me angry, even not having phone service... still annoying, but that's it!

      but cut off contact with this imaginary world ( hey, nothing personal, I really love and respect you figments) and damn! I find myself getting mad.

      You know, now that I read myself writing that, I think I should be a little concerned! lol nah....

    • ARUN KANTI profile image

      ARUN KANTI CHATTERJEE 4 years ago from KOLKATA

      Internet problem for a short duration will atleast give your ocular muscles the much needed respite you badly need now! Otherwise browsing among thousands of e mails at a stretch is not a good idea! Thanks for the wonderful humorous hub.

    • georgescifo profile image

      georgescifo 4 years ago from India

      losing your internet service is one of the worst things to experience for those who have been using it for quite some time. Really gets frustrated when the internet service goes off.

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 4 years ago from San Francisco

      Oh,you think this funny? I keep have to hide the phones or the denisons who roam this domain calls 911. :)) Thank you for this.

    • lrc7815 profile image

      Linda Crist 4 years ago from Central Virginia

      You are such a nut. What a great summary of that panic we all experience when the service dies. I do have one piece of advice for you though. Stay out of the kitchen. Your concoctions almost made me puke. lol

    • MelChi profile image

      Melanie Chisnall 4 years ago from Cape Town, South Africa

      Haha! I'll admit I'm pretty similar and also at the verge of pulling my hair out when the Internet doesn't work. Oh, and I've worked for 3 years at an Internet Service Provider....yeah, not so much fun having annoyed people screaming at you over the phone, when it's an international crises involving the cables that are on the bed of the Atlantic ocean, or when the storms cause havoc with wireless connections. But now I see it from the other side, as someone who relies heavily on Internet every single day, and am SO glad I no longer work there. Gotta have nerves of steel, lol. Fun post, thanks for the laugh today :)

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Mary -

      So good to see you!

      I need a photo of Larry, just in case he seeks revenge with the one who caused his new exercise program! lol Glad you enjoyed this one!

      Appreciate the comments and votes! Many Thanks!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Clark -

      I appreciate seeing you here!

      The Internet has become so much a part of our daily activities. Makes one wonder how we ever got through the 60's, doesn't it? Then again, time passed oh so quickly after inhaling. lol Btw, for anger issues, I understand Doctor Phil is offering free services!

      Thanks for commenting! Greatly appreciated!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Arun -

      Good to see you here, sir!

      My eyes do need all the rest I can muster. Unfortunately, I'm so far behind in hub reading and such, I feel guilty as others, such as yourself, provide me such a gracious audience.

      Thanks for your kind comments! Much appreciated!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      georgescifo -

      So very good of you to visit!

      We've got to be careful, or we're going to find some crazed maniac proclaiming temporary insanity due to loss of Internet service one day! : ) Hopefully, we can find a little humor in the situation to ease our aggravations. Then again, when we look at how dependent we've become on social media, we have to wonder if there isn't a life elsewhere, too! (My wife wanted me to add that, lol)

      Appreciate you stopping by and commenting! Many Thanks!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Martin -

      Really good to see you here, my friend!

      I actually was ready to take my laptop to a McDonald's just to get online. Then I thought, "You really are in bad shape ... get a life!" lol It is amazing how the Internet has become so important to us.

      Appreciate you stopping by! Many Thanks!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Linda -

      My wife says the same thing every time she munches on an Almond Joy bar. : )

      What? You think me inept in the kitchen? I'll have to fix you a peanut butter and jelly bacon sandwich with mayo and onions one day! Add a couple of fried green tomatoes and you're in Heaven ... literally!

      Thanks for the comments! Greatly appreciated!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Melanie -

      Good to see you here!

      I made a point not to scream at the customer service rep. Instead, I continually asked him to speak louder, over and over again. Poor guy was almost yelling by the time we got through, as he blamed it on getting a bad headset that morning! lol Hey, a guy's gotta have fun, right? Glad you enjoyed this!

      Really appreciate you stopping in! Many Thanks!

    • Louise Lately profile image

      Louise Lately 4 years ago from London, UK

      I know the feeling - whenever I lose the Internet connection I feel disconnected from the world - literally!! :)

    • Riviera Rose profile image

      Riviera Rose 4 years ago from South of France

      Very funny hub... this happened to me at the start of the new year - suddenly EVERYTHING I wanted to do was only possible on line. I felt very cut off but then decided on housework(!) followed by a nice lunch (I am in France, after all) and then started to feel rather liberated. Felt like an addict taking control, until they got it working again and within minutes I was straight back in the swing of things. Voted up and funny!

    • shiningirisheyes profile image

      Shining Irish Eyes 4 years ago from Upstate, New York

      LOL Very funny take on internet connection panic!!! You are lousy with the recipes but funny as hell! Great suggestion with the candle wax but wow - you do go a bit crazy when internet disruption occurs! Although you may suffer, I enjoy the results when you are left with too much time on your hands. Makes for awesome reading!

    • mejohnson profile image

      mejohnson 4 years ago

      Great tips. I might use them even when my Internet does work, just for fun. (Especially the one about cooking!)

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 4 years ago

      Still laughing over some of your suggestions. Seriously, great advice in general -- love the solitaire, cooking and get out the old video game station. I think the internet being down is cause of high stress when you work at home, but then dealing with the situation and then finding other activities helps. Voted up++

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Louise -

      Good to meet you!

      It's really amazing how we know more people on the web than we do in our own neighborhoods these days. The "disconnect" definitely is there when service isn't available. I wonder what we would do if we lost it for good! Playstation anyone? : )

      Thanks for commenting! Greatly appreciated!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Rose -

      Glad you liked this one!

      One might say there's a bit of exaggeration here, but the feeling of being cut off is definitely there. lol Sounds like you adjusted well. If I hadn't of been so determined to find another provider, and frustrated as I really couldn't find everything I needed to do so on the web, I might have been a little less frustrated. Of course, in France, it's so beautiful one can really just enjoy nature. I was in Menton many years ago and loved it!

      Really appreciate the votes and comments! Many Thanks!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Beckie -

      What? You don't like my kitchen concoctions? I'm shocked! lol Try this one instead ... one thick slice of leftover meatloaf, hot sauce, sliced candy sweet pickles, onions, one fried egg (over easy), lettuce, tomato slice, all squeezed between two leftover crescent rolls. Yum, Yum! : )

      Thanks for your kind words! Much appreciated!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      mejohnson -

      Good to see you again!

      Be careful when trying out things I suggest in my hubs. I accept no responsibility for anything that may occur as a result of doing that! lol Glad you enjoyed this!

      Appreciate the comments! Many Thanks!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Dianna -

      Really good of you to stop by!

      Good to see you smiling! I kind of liked being pushed around the block, but I don't think I can talk my wife into doing it again. lol There's always something to do if nothing more than to contemplate one's naval. : )

      Really good of you to visit! Greatly appreciate the comments and votes!

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

      A wonderful hub; I loved it and vote up,across and share all around.

      Eddy.

    • phoenix2327 profile image

      Zulma Burgos-Dudgeon 4 years ago from United Kingdom

      I've found myself without internet service on occasion. After puttering around for awhile and realizing all the things I couldn't do without the Internet, I was forced to do housework instead. (inward shudder.)

    • profile image

      tattuwurn 4 years ago

      Since I'm from the Philippines and Internet connection can be slow and sometimes non-existent for the moment, I think I've done nearly all these things and then some. Then I begin to appreciate life outside cyberspace, even cleaning the house is a worthwhile thing to do.

      Up, funny and interesting. :)

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Eddy -

      Good to see you!

      I'm glad you enjoyed this! Just trying to get back in the swing of things.

      Really appreciated the comments! Many Thanks!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Zulma -

      Really good of you to stop in!

      Housework? Oh my gosh, I've got to get your imagination going to alleviate you from ever having to use that as an option again! lol There's so much more one can do in these instances. Service Tech hunting is loads of fun, for example! : )

      Glad you enjoyed this! Many Thanks!

    • Rosyel Sawali profile image

      Rosyel Sawali 4 years ago from Manila, Philippines

      Ahh, losing Internet service once in a while seems productive.. at least for you, Rich! LOL ^_^ I enjoyed your hub once again ^_^

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      tattuwurn -

      Really good to meet you here!

      There is much to do once one can forget about their frustrations over having lost service. It's just a matter of casting those aside, which may not be a easy for some as others. lol Really happy you enjoyed this piece!

      Thanks for stopping in and commenting! Much appreciated!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Rosyel -

      How are you, my friend? Good to see you!

      A person's got to do something! lol I do try to take life's inconveniences and show a different side of them. If a person can't smile a little, why bother living? : ) Glad you enjoyed this!

      Thanks so much for commenting! Greatly appreciated!

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 4 years ago from Central Florida

      Rich, isn't crazy how dependent we've become on the internet? Me, included. I'd be out of business without it!

      The Gangnam video is a riot. It makes no sense, but I guess those are all things you can do to amuse yourself while you're waiting for the 'net to come back up!

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 4 years ago from The Beautiful South

      Best laugh I have had in awhile because it is so true. (It is true isn't it? lol)

      What will we ever do if we get in the place of the people like in Sandy? No nothing! and still waiting...The way the storms keep hitting it could well happen. Well with that bit of cheer I will get on with my list of visits. lolololol

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Shauna -

      So very good to see you!

      The ties to the Internet are really ridiculous these days. I even find myself using my phone more and more when I'm out, simply to check email and such. It's an addiction that I've had to pull myself away from because of my vision problems, to some some extent. No more 4-5 hour stretches online for me, I'm afraid. Good to see you smiling!

      Really appreciate the visit and comments! Many Thanks!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Jackie -

      Its so nice to see you again!

      Sometimes, the funniest things in life are the true happenings we have to deal with! This hub and the hospital care one I wrote a while back both are based on my recent personal experiences. There may have been a slight exaggeration here or there, but the basics are cast iron! : ) Many of us may find out, in fact, during this ice storm that's hitting much of the Southeast. I just stepped outside a moment ago and already see tree limbs, heavy in ice, bending sharply towards the ground. A few years back, we had a similar storm and it took over a week for power to be restored. Believe me, fingers are crossed that we don't go through one like that again!

      Glad you enjoyed this piece! As my eyes clear tomorrow, I'm planning on reading your latest! Many thanks!

    • girishpuri profile image

      Girish puri 4 years ago from NCR , INDIA

      Ha ha ha i agree the points, you made my day, hilarious hub

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Girishpuri-

      Good to see you!

      Am happy you enjoyed this one! I try to bring a smile to a bad situation. : )

      Thanks for commenting! Much appreciated!

    • Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

      Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago

      This made me crack up. I lost internet service the other day for a while. Freaked me out and got me a little scared about how reliant I have become on the internet. I cleaned the house instead. Not nearly as much fun. Up and shared.

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Rumplestiltzskin.........Thank you so much for reconfirming my accurate analysis of your unique psyche, from the moment I read your first sentence here.

      There may be help for you, but I can't promise anything. Every once in awhile, there is that one unfortunate individual who defies all medical and professional attempts at introducing mental stability and clarity.

      In the meantime, please continue to take your meds and remain confined to quarters. Thank you....

      Up+++

    • shiningirisheyes profile image

      Shining Irish Eyes 4 years ago from Upstate, New York

      You and my brother should sit down and compare recipes. What the hell - write a cookbook together. I am sure it would quickly become a #1 best seller! Thanks for the fun!

    • Rosemay50 profile image

      Rosemary Sadler 4 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

      This is hilarious I am still laughing. Loved your ideas or most of them anyway, not sure I'm keen on my significant other pushing me around in my chair no telling where I'd finish up.

      Being without the internet is like losing a leg or an arm, there is just something missing and we can't function right without it.

      It means I have to get stuck into the housework or get onto that crossword in the woman's magazine to win $1,000, only to find entries had to be in 2 days ago.

      Awesome, funny and voting up

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Glimmer -

      So good to see you!

      Glad you enjoyed this. I see you had a recent reality check, too! : ) Now, perhaps, the next time the web goes down on you, cleaning the house won't be necessary! lol

      Thanks for commenting! Greatly appreciated!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Paula -

      Great to see you visit!

      Any way I can assist you is okay with me. lol Btw, visiting hours at the institution are Monday - Friday 10-6, and Saturday 10-4. I get to go to the movies on Sundays. Can't wait to see "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" for the fifth week in a row! lol

      Always good to see your comments! Many thanks!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Beckie -

      Really good of you to stop by!

      I always told my kids, "It all gets mixed up on the inside anyway! Stop being so picky!" I guess we have to live by what we preach. lol Btw, tell your brother I'm open to all ideas!

      Thanks for commenting! Greatly appreciated!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Rosemary -

      Thanks so for stopping in!

      Tell your spouse to simply be careful on steep hills! I found out the hard way my chair doesn't have brakes! lol Really happy you liked this piece!

      Greatly appreciate all the comments! Many thanks!

    • unknown spy profile image

      IAmForbidden 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up.

      hahaha hilarious list..but i kinda do those things once in awhile like perfecting my spider solitaire skills. so funny rich. sharing

    • tammyswallow profile image

      Tammy 4 years ago from North Carolina

      Thanks for the chuckle. When this happens to me, I feel so lost. This is hilarious!

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      ROFLMAO.....I give....You are hopeless.....and we love you for it.

    • onegreenparachute profile image

      Carol 4 years ago from Greenwood, B.C., Canada

      Too funny - and oh so true! Thanks for the chuckles!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Myz -

      Good of you to visit!

      I'm in love with spider solitaire. I think I'm going to download it to my phone so it will always be a part of my travels. lol Glad you enjoyed!

      Thanks for commenting! Much appreciated!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Paula -

      My wife tells me the same thing ... the hopeless part that is. lol It's so good when I get to visit her once in a while and continue to tell her I'll be better one day! I'm beginning to believe that she believes I will! (She's gullible, that one!) lol

      Many thanks!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Carol -

      Very good to meet you!

      I tend to see the humor in the frustrations of life at times. It saves one dentist visit for grinding teeth and such. lol Happy you enjoyed this piece!

      Appreciate your comments! Many thanks!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Tammy -

      Sorry, my reply to you didn't post the first time!

      I'm right there with you when loss of Internet service takes place. Yet, it gives me a chance to reflect and ask myself questions I otherwise wouldn't. Like, "If the music industry wants to sell more music, why do they make all music sound alike?" Strange, but true. lol Good to see you smiling!

      Thanks for commenting! Greatly appreciated!

    • rfmoran profile image

      Russ Moran 4 years ago from Long Island, New York

      This hub is a hoot, funnier because it touches on a subject we all have faced. I especially like the idea of being pushed around the neighborhood in my computer chair. I'll have to check that with my wife. Great hub. Voted up and funny.

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Russ -

      Good to meet you, sir!

      Glad you enjoyed this little piece. The computer chair pushing can be fun (for the rider), but just be careful on steep, downward slopes. Revenge is a funny thing, especially for those getting it! lol

      Really appreciate the votes, comments and follow! Many Thanks!

    • CrisSp profile image

      CrisSp 4 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      "Noooo, this is not happening!" That's me yelling in front of my screen when I get disconnected. Lol! This is so funny Rich as expected from you.

      But when it happens, I go wash the dishes by hand and do some dusting instead while peeping once in a while using my blackberry. Sometimes, I go watch Honey Eew Eew! Lol!

      Thanks for the much needed humor in life. (:

      Up and sharing!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Christina -

      So very good to see you!

      I never would have imagined you, such a calm and cool presence, to be screaming at your computer! lol Alas, another image of perfection destroyed! : ) Not Honey Eew Eew! Please, tell me you were joking! I'm happy you enjoyed this one!

      Thanks so much for stopping in! Greatly appreciated!

    • ryanjhoe profile image

      ryanjhoe 4 years ago from Somewhere over the rainbow

      I often experience this and indeed it's very frustrating when I lose my internet connection. Nice information and funny. I love it! Thanks for sharing.

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Ryan -

      Good of you to visit!

      Glad you enjoyed this piece. It can be frustrating, to say the least.

      Thanks for commenting! Greatly appreciated!

    • Sharkye11 profile image

      Jayme Kinsey 4 years ago from Oklahoma

      Awesome hub! I only wish I could have been online to read it when my internet crashed a couple of days ago. See what I miss by not having internet? I miss articles about not having internet! Still, I am thankful that at least they finally got internet out to where I live, even if it does have to be delivered by mule everyday. :)

      Hilarious information here, and I do love the idea of taking a trip in my office chair.

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Jayme -

      There's nothing like losing something one depends on so much. I often wonder what I did as a child to keep myself amused, since the Internet wasn't around. Oh, yeah, I read books! lol Glad you enjoyed this little piece!

      Thanks for commenting! Greatly appreciated!

    • B. Leekley profile image

      Brian Leekley 4 years ago from Kalamazoo, Michigan, USA

      Up, Useful, Funny, and Interesting.

      I like your cooking.

      Another option is to go in search of a WiFi hotspot that still has service. These days that incljudes not only public and university libraries and coffeehouses but also Burger King, McDonalds, some laundromats, local bakeries and bagel shops, and more.

    • LaThing profile image

      LaThing 4 years ago from From a World Within, USA

      I hope that never happens here..... I can't think of any thing that I can replace that time slot with..... I will go crazy!! Had a good laugh, Richy! Wonderful article! One complain..... I haven't been getting any notifications for any of your hubs!! Wonder what happened :(

      Have a great day buddy....

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      B. Leekley -

      Good to meet you, sir!

      I'm glad you enjoyed this piece. I try to take a simple situation/ inconvenience and bring a little humor to it. The extremes generally bring some smiles, which is the goal at hand. I do my best to take a person's mind away from the insanity of daily life to ease their burdens for a few short minutes. Everybody can use a rest from reality every now and then. lol

      Thanks for the read and the comments! Greatly Appreciated!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Lizzie -

      Good to see you again.

      You haven't been getting any notifications as I have pretty much stopped writing on HP"s. I'm pretty fed up with the double standards they use in moderation, as well as the way they hide hubs now. It's actually ironic that Hubnugget winning hubs are now being hidden by their system utilized to display only quality. I guess they screwed up in selecting the quality of the Hubnugget winners when they originally chose them. As many are leaving HP's, they are screwing up again, obviously, as they seek to present only encyclopedia copiers and cooking book changers. I'm still writing, but I'm doing it in my blog. I'd love for you to visit sometime. The address is in my profile here ... at least until they decide to do away with those too!

      Thanks for stopping in! Really good to see you again!

    • Kathryn Stratford profile image

      Kathryn 4 years ago from Manchester, Connecticut

      That is very funny!

      I hate it when there are problems with my internet. It's unsettling.

      It's too bad that some of your hubs have become hidden. It must be frustrating to go through all of the work, and even win an award for one, and have that happen. Good luck, wherever you write.

    • profile image

      ignugent17 4 years ago

      It is really funny but true. I really enjoyed reading your hub. Internet is already a part of living :-)))

      Thanks for sharing this experience.

      Voted up and more.

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Meldz - Good to see you! The Internet has almost become too much a part of our lives these days. Luckily, I've re-entered the working world, so my time here is limited now. Thanks for everything!

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      Good evening Sir Rich - I have missed hooking up with you but I must say this is your best hub presentation yet (which is saying a lot because every hub I've seen/read is world class and so funny and so true) ... and yes I love the satire and irony in your writing as always. You put a lot into your hubs and it shows - hubawesome - and it always inspires the epi-man (who as you know operates in a world of his own -lol)

      Sending you warm wishes and good energy from lake erie time ontario canada 12:47am

    • Suzie HQ profile image

      Suzanne Ridgeway 4 years ago from Dublin, Ireland

      Hi Richard,

      Sorry I missed this earlier, what a great read! Loved the ideas, humor, wit the whole damn lot! The pics are so apt and well chosen you brought more than a smile or two to this side of the pond! I have lost internet on more than one occasion so these hilarious tips will come in handy! Service Tech hunting, Belly button fluff checking . . . .oh you made me laugh! Excellent piece again, well written with great detail!

      Voted up, Funny, Interesting, Awesome, Shared!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Collin - Good to see you my friend. I am not around HP's much anymore. If they wish to hide my writings, I will and have traveled elsewhere. It is indeed a shame that they have created a home for mostly encyclopedia translators and cookbook changers. Creativity obviously means little. I wish you well, sir! You are sincerely one of my favorite poets! Many Thanks.

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Suzie - How good of you to visit my last piece on HP's! I'm really glad you enjoyed it. As I watch its score go down, I know it's only a matter of time before this one disappears on HP's, too. That is why I'm moving what I can to my blog ... to keep those without creativity from destroying it. Thanks so much for all your support! Greatly appreciated!

    • Suzie HQ profile image

      Suzanne Ridgeway 4 years ago from Dublin, Ireland

      Didn't know you were off my friend, I will take note of your blog, creativity is a must!

    • Kathryn Stratford profile image

      Kathryn 4 years ago from Manchester, Connecticut

      Wow, I just experienced not being able to get online. I spent a good 25 minutes trying to figure out why the internet wasn't working (I am ok with computers, but not enough to know exactly what to do when the internet isn't working). The thought of not being able to go online today motivated me to try my hardest to find a solution. I was especially eager because I have a specific job I want to apply to today, and nowadays applying online is the norm!

      Anyway, I am so happy I am online now, and that I figured it out all by myself!!!

      Rcrumple, it's too bad HP doesn't at least have a part of the community where hubs can always be viewed. I guess it is because the site's main focus is to make money, but it must be frustrating for many people to not have their creative, well-written pieces viewed.

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Kathryn - So good of you to visit. I'm glad you made it online! lol It can be a trying situation at times, to say the least.

      At one time, not that many months ago, Hubpages was a tremendous place to write. The community thrived upon the support of other writers who graciously offered assistance to those that requested it. Creativity was viewed as a gift ... but now, it is only scorned. Not putting myself into the category of great authors, but if Twain, Capote, or Bradbury were writing today, Hubpages would not be where they could allow others to relish their works. Alas, these would quickly be hidden treasures. However, as it can clearly be seen in many places, their elite hubs are only pieces that have been copied and had words exchanged from magazines, cook books and encyclopedias. That is why you won't find many references in these same hubs as from where the information was gathered. Where hubpages once stood supreme in being a website that had an extremely broad spectrum, they have honed it down to being just another copycat site whose directors kneel in the omnipresence of the God Google. Of course, that is only my opinion. I'm sure they have theirs.

      Still, I question the philosophy they continue to present in their "Rising Star" awards, once called "Hubnuggets." If these were truly the "best of the best", then how could they enact a system that now hides many of these same "best of best" pieces? Seems somewhat contradictory, as well as somewhat hypocritical. Does it not?

      I sincerely wish you well, and say "Many Thanks" for reading this offering. I do hope you enjoyed it! - Rich

    • profile image

      AudraLeigh 4 years ago

      Great read to start off my Sunday morning! I am thinking about belly lint, exercising my computer chair and cleaning my pipes...lol! Miss you! Here is a virtual cup of coffee to start your morning :0 Talk to you soon :)

    • JPSO138 profile image

      JPSO138 3 years ago from Cebu, Philippines, International

      I really enjoyed reading your hub. You put them all together perfectly well. I guess you should also be happy that the service was out which made you come up with these ideas. Thumbs up for this hub!

    • Sherry Hewins profile image

      Sherry Hewins 3 years ago from Sierra Foothills, CA

      Funny! When my internet goes out, it's usually because my power went out. So, I have bigger problems to deal with.

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