ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Truest Form

Updated on March 3, 2013
Phoenix Woman -
Phoenix Woman - | Source

Sharing Art by Friends

Jeremiah's art is done on walls.  Amazing detail in such large scale.  This is a blue phoenix.  My spirit when calm.
Jeremiah's art is done on walls. Amazing detail in such large scale. This is a blue phoenix. My spirit when calm. | Source
One of many works by Eric on canvas.  This one reminds me of the both my parts.  The part that wants to soar and the one that happily stays grounded for a cause.
One of many works by Eric on canvas. This one reminds me of the both my parts. The part that wants to soar and the one that happily stays grounded for a cause. | Source

I know exactly who and what I am. I know all of my layers. I know my own potential and capabilities. I know my weaknesses and breaking points. I have few doubts, few insecurities, and few limitations. I chose to confine my true self in this fragile frame. I chose to anchor myself. I chose to ground myself and resist my true nature. I made this choice to be the world to one child. I made this choice to raise one person in love and give my all. I confined my spirit to flesh to become a mother and know the true nature of love in its purest form. I volunteered. I sacrificed willingly. In doing so, I know a freedom of spirit that no one can explain or understand until they themselves endure it.

With all the things I have been made to endure in this life, my true self has strengthened. It has made itself known. It can be seen by others at times. It glows within me beautifully and is often misunderstood. It thirsts for knowledge and yearns for experiences. It has helped me to battle, survive, and thrive. Now that it is fully realized within me, I enter a battle of self. Strength is a blessing. To have the undying spirit of a warrior bestowed upon me is an honor and a treasure. Still the battle wages within me. In the hours or the days that I am alone, my true self becomes restless. This life's monotony threatens my sanity. I resist my environment. I search for escapes. My spirit burns within me desperate to be unleashed. Untamed and wild, it just wants to soar. So much bigger than my frame, it threatens to tear thru my flesh. I feel my skin struggling to maintain it's hostage. I have to hold my mind and body still or escape into the night. The only thing that eases the storm within me is the ability to nurture and show love to a human spirit. The ability to perform the purpose that I chose to sacrifice for. It keeps me stable and calms the storm. It helps me balance. In the presence of another, my inner self shines but does not burn to be released. The satisfaction of nurturing lulls the savage heart back into its peaceful state. It motivates and restores.

It is so hard to describe. I know who and how I am. I know my own potential and I am aware of my capabilities but when I see the world around me, I see turmoil. I don't see any solid ground. I don't see a clear path in any direction. I am sturdy and I am sure but the earth beneath my feet trembles and falls apart. It shakes me. Even the strong and the sure can feel lost.
This is my path. I was created to be able to endure it, but I am still in my human form and limited by my human mind. I battle the humanity in me. I fight against thoughts that would lead me to stumble. Taking a step forward without seeing the path in front of you is like stepping off of a cliff. My human limitations cause me to hesitate. I have had to do this many times before. I wish I could say that I am used to it and it is something that has become natural for me. Unfortunately, as long as I am human, I will struggle with fear, doubt, and delay. The many times I have taken a step out into the nothingness in the blind and have felt the earth come together and solidify under my feet does not make future steps easier. I have only become more comfortable being in the unknown and being uncomfortable. Gone are the days when the fear renders me motionless or when I feel stuck. I no longer feel the grip of extreme anxiety and fear around my neck threatening to hold me in my place or take my life. They are not demons that ever truly leave you. They still hang all their weight on my shoulders as I gradually shift forward. As time passes, I build in strength and attempt to carry them more gracefully but when I am tired I can be overcome and so I stop and breath. When I struggle to contain my truest self, the mischievous pair bare their fangs and claws. Clever imps and their strategic sneak attacks.

The art of balance is hard. There are so many sides trapped in this one flesh. The mind is so powerful and acts as both friend and foe. At times it sides with the human and other times it sides with the soul. I do not fear mistakes. I do not fear judgement. I do not fear failure. I do not fear my truest form. I am just tired and unsure of what it is I need. I do not know what I want. I am not in search of happiness because it already exists within me and still there is a void. A link that is missing. I have very little experience in being selfish and my truest form seems to want to show me that it will soon be necessary to maintain balance. It is a difficult thing to learn during a battle and on unstable ground.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Moms-Secret profile imageAUTHOR

      Lissette 

      5 years ago from Central Florida

      I am happy that I got to meet you JT. Even it is just in words.

    • profile image

      JThomp42 

      5 years ago

      You are so welcome my friend!

    • Moms-Secret profile imageAUTHOR

      Lissette 

      5 years ago from Central Florida

      Always a pleasure to see you XSTATIC. Self-studies are always tricky because there are so many different aspects of self. It's almost contradictory by nature. I am so happy that you enjoyed it. Thank you!

    • Moms-Secret profile imageAUTHOR

      Lissette 

      5 years ago from Central Florida

      Good morning JTHOMP! You shared me today and that is a beautiful gesture. Thank you so much. I am glad that you enjoyed the writing.

    • Moms-Secret profile imageAUTHOR

      Lissette 

      5 years ago from Central Florida

      Thank you so much VICKIW. I love your comments and appreciate them greatly.

    • xstatic profile image

      Jim Higgins 

      5 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

      Fascinating self-study, almost an anthem of your spirit and dedication.

    • profile image

      JThomp42 

      5 years ago

      Beautiful Moms! Voted up, beautiful, and shared!

    • profile image

      Vickiw 

      5 years ago

      Moms-Secret, this is just beautiful writing, and the sentiment it embraces is equally lovely. You must be a shining star to this very fortunate child you have chosen to nurture. Your writing is so lyrical that it seems poetic. Life is changed when you have the courage to delve into your deepest psyche and know who you are, and why you feel and act. Voted up and B.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)