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Two Eggs Over Easy with a side of Poetry

Updated on June 19, 2013
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“Two eggs over easy,” I said

and as she looked up from her pad

she gave a start and her face blanched.

Involuntarily she stepped backward

just like the little girl had done earlier

when she and her frightened mother

passed me on the walk.

A dog had whined, tucking his tail

and a cat hissed, arching its back.

An old man sitting on a bench

hid his face behind

his quivering newspaper.

Policemen in their cruiser

circled the block, eyeballing me

while a priest drawing near

crossed himself as he moved the other way.

Oh, and the coup de grace

Girl Scouts selling cookies

slammed shut their cash box

and, gasp, did not ask me

“Sir, would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?”

So as the waitress found her nerve

I continued on

“and I’ll take a side of wheat toast…dry.”

“Yes, sir,” she stammered

and then quickly scurried away

nervously scribbling on her pad.

I clear my throat and gaze around the room

and all the looky loo’s

jerk their heads the other way

so I push my glasses up on my nose

and continue to scribble on my own pad

wondering as I do

What the hell does it take

for a poet to get a decent meal around here?


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    • phdast7 profile image

      Theresa Ast 2 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      How strange and how unpleasant. I know that has happened to other hubbers, but I am been quite fortunate not to be so afflicted. Hope you can get to the bottom of it, or at least that it will stop.

    • wayne barrett profile image
      Author

      Wayne Barrett 2 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Thank you Theresa. I'm glad I got this message from you because I noticed there is a ton of spam comments on my pieces. I've never experienced this before.

    • phdast7 profile image

      Theresa Ast 2 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      Wayne - I enjoyed this again. Nicely done. Theresa

    • wayne barrett profile image
      Author

      Wayne Barrett 4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Hi Shanmarie. It's good to see you. I'm glad you stopped by to join me for breakfast. : )

    • shanmarie profile image

      shanmarie 4 years ago

      Well, that certainly wasn't the ending I was expecting! It's more like a grouchy Jekyll and Hyde. hehe

    • wayne barrett profile image
      Author

      Wayne Barrett 4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Thank you very much, ziyena.

    • ziyena profile image

      ziyena 4 years ago from ... Somewhere Out There ...

      Brilliant ... it leaves me hanging, and makes me want to know so much more! Voted up

    • profile image

      Beth37 4 years ago

      I think I would like that.

    • wayne barrett profile image
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      Wayne Barrett 4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Audrey, it's a pleasure to have you and to see the nice compliments.

    • wayne barrett profile image
      Author

      Wayne Barrett 4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Thank you Theresa. Breakfast? : )

    • wayne barrett profile image
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      Wayne Barrett 4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Thank you Vincent. Actually I do have a regular waitress, and I'm sure she probably would get a kick out of it. I appreciate you visiting my madness.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Loved, loved this clever write!

    • phdast7 profile image

      Theresa Ast 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      Wayne - Very well done, the tension and curiosity built quite nicely. :) And then such a quick turn. Nice. :) Glad I saw this just now as I missed it three weeks ago. Have a great weekend. Theresa

    • profile image

      Vincent Moore 4 years ago

      Hey Wayne, it always amazes me what two egg yolks starring back at one can stimulate the juices to be as creative as you have been with this fun piece. As long as a poet has a scratch pad in reach or for that matter a napkin for this one would suffice. There was no dry toast humor with this, you nailed it and your mind as a thinking poet slipped into high gear. Now what truck stop did you say you were at? I hope the waitress serving you enjoyed your pun and fun on easy over. Well done my poetic friend.

    • wayne barrett profile image
      Author

      Wayne Barrett 4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Epi, it's an honor to see you at my humble hub once , let alone twice. And yes, by the looks of your new profile pic, I can see that you are quite the outlaw. : )

      Hopefully you won't give away my secret, but from your comments, I think we both share some of the same sentiments. The only reason I would like to write a Haiku is because it rhymes with f#*&k you, and...ah well, you can see where my mind is going with that. Actually, I've acquired a much greater interest for it since joining Hubpages. I think it's just because I have made so many kind friends here like yourself who take the time to read and comment on my scribbling. That alone is encouragement enough to make the whole endeavor a treat that I look forward to daily.

      Thank you again, Colin. And may you and the kitties have a wonderful weekend.

    • wayne barrett profile image
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      Wayne Barrett 4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Lol, Yes Beth, fully dressed. Instead of the mad scientist I guess I was portraying the mad poet. "Beware lest I insert you into my muse!!!

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      Sir Wayne - I am back to revisit a classic of yours and a title to die for .

      Truth be told I really don't like poetry but as I have failed at so many things in life I am stuck in a literary genre that I don't really care for, lol, only Epi could say something like this, lol. I guess I hate the pretentious side of it which usually has me gagging - it may be art to some but it's crap to me , lol lol. Naturally being the renegade and outlaw that I am - I always try to take the 'mickey' out of it and subvert the genre and play with it and have fun with it. That is the reason I am back here Sir Wayne you move around with your amazing talent like a poetic carousel - you are the epitome of eclectic excellence - as for me I am just a rebel and just being Epi, lol.

      Sending nice thoughts your way to you and your family courtesy of the three Canadian - one who is in flesh and two who are in fur

      lake erie time 12:09pm

    • profile image

      Beth37 4 years ago

      Wonderfully depicted, but I don't understand... were you fully clothed?

    • wayne barrett profile image
      Author

      Wayne Barrett 4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Hi, Deb. Thanks for the visit.

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 4 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      Perhaps you came from another time and place...oh, the huddled masses...I really enjoyed that grim, icy feeling.

    • wayne barrett profile image
      Author

      Wayne Barrett 4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Hi Rasma. thanks for the visit.

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      Enjoyed this. Thought came to mind - two eggs sunny side up and poetry on toast....

    • wayne barrett profile image
      Author

      Wayne Barrett 4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Lol. Jose, maybe its my poetry that is the indecent exposure!

    • wayne barrett profile image
      Author

      Wayne Barrett 4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      James, thank you my friend.

    • PHILLYDREAMER profile image

      Jose Velasquez 4 years ago from Lodi, New Jersey

      You better be careful with that. Some would consider it indecent exposure.

    • wayne barrett profile image
      Author

      Wayne Barrett 4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Jose, Lol. Hey, that's what we poets do, right? we undress our souls for all to see. Good to see you my friend.

    • wayne barrett profile image
      Author

      Wayne Barrett 4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Hi Cathy. Thank you so much for visiting my humble hub!

    • James-wolve profile image

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      It seems like a scene taken from a Tennessee William s play.The reality is captured so well.The flow so smoothly run.Voted up!

    • PHILLYDREAMER profile image

      Jose Velasquez 4 years ago from Lodi, New Jersey

      Did you forget to wear clothes or something?

    • Astra Nomik profile image

      Cathy Nerujen 4 years ago from Edge of Reality and Known Space

      This was so funny and entertaining. I saw this on Facebook and had to read it. Great writing.

      But what was it they were all looking at and what did they all see? It's what is not said that is so intriguing in this excellent hub.

    • wayne barrett profile image
      Author

      Wayne Barrett 4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Thank you, thank you, Sir epi! I have run and read your dear Mona, and have responded there, but I'll say again; your creativity and diversity astound me.

      Enjoy your kitties...I am off to browse for an epic epi book!

    • wayne barrett profile image
      Author

      Wayne Barrett 4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Thank you very much dear Deborah. And blessings to you as well!

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 4 years ago from Central Florida

      I'm on my way!

    • wayne barrett profile image
      Author

      Wayne Barrett 4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      : ) Thank you Sha. Yes I did put a little different spin on the preconceived image of a poet. Keeps all those readers on their toes! lol.

      Oh, and the joint is called, Eve's. Come and join us darlin'.

    • wayne barrett profile image
      Author

      Wayne Barrett 4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Lurana, it is always a pleasure to hear from you. Thank you very much.

    • wayne barrett profile image
      Author

      Wayne Barrett 4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Thank you dear Kim!

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      Wayne of Sirdom - you can tell a story like Tom Waits can write a song and you're one of the finest poets I know because you always move around with your subjects and treat us to something different each time.

      I hope your new book is receiving the Beatlemania treatment - my book is already in the delete bin , lol lol

      Sending you good thoughts and karma from Colin and his cat gang at lake erie time canada 5:21pm

      and I have a new one you should appreciate - Mona is a babe!

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      Wayne my dear.. I hope you got your eggs.. love your poem so smartly done..

      sharing

      blessings

      Debbie

    • wayne barrett profile image
      Author

      Wayne Barrett 4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Faith, I'm sure your mirror is much kinder to you than mine is to me. : ) Thank you dear for the compliment and the share.

    • wayne barrett profile image
      Author

      Wayne Barrett 4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Liz....and that was you? Lol.

    • wayne barrett profile image
      Author

      Wayne Barrett 4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Frank, thanks for stopping by.

    • wayne barrett profile image
      Author

      Wayne Barrett 4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Thank you Martin.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 4 years ago from Central Florida

      Are you saying poets are a scary breed, Wayne. This was funny. I was expecting the man to turn out to be a monster or something. Very clever poetry! Mind if I join you for breakfast?

    • MrsBrownsParlour profile image

      Lurana Brown 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      Very enjoyable, well-written, and amusing! :-) Lurana

    • ocfireflies profile image

      ocfireflies 4 years ago from North Carolina

      What great fun! Enjoyed very much.

      Best Always,

      Kim

    • wayne barrett profile image
      Author

      Wayne Barrett 4 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Oh, you are too kind Cat. Thank you so much!

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 4 years ago from San Francisco

      Cute and funny. Very entertaining. thank you

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

      ha ha ha Wayne, now surely you cannot be that bad, unless you pulled an all-nighter writing! : ) Sounds like the same reaction I have when I get up in the mornings and dare to look into the mirror . . . stepping back and shrieking in horror! he he

      Voted up +++ and sharing

      Blessings, Faith Reaper

    • Radcliff profile image

      Liz Davis 4 years ago from Hudson, FL

      *gasp* That was YOU?

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 4 years ago from Shelton

      this was actually pretty good maybe you should have ordered them Sunny side up...huh? LOL I enjoyed the read

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Oh Wayne, this was so funny... so cute. Oy, the frustrating life of an intimidatingly handsome artist; you can't very well have it all Wayne, leave something for someone else... perhaps you ought consider trying to get your eggs while in a ski mask next time? :D

      Well, I just couldn't help myself... I hit all the buttons and I'm sharing :D

      Cat