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U-Haul Um, We Stall Um

Updated on February 6, 2019
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Men problems getting you down, just call U-Haul Um and we will Stall - Um. Another classic short story with an ironic twist.

Short story: U-Haul um, We Stall-Um

"Jambo wouldn't have bucked me off, if you didn't shock him with that horrible cow prod", I said to Jessie as we walked out of the emergency room. I felt ruffled and disheveled, holding my crumpled hat in one hand, sporting an brand new pink cast on my wrist.

My name is Michelle and I'm just a regular old country girl with a horse ranch. I keep my long black hair tied back in a pony tail most of the time. Of course now its tussled from the fall that my macho idiot boyfriend Jessie caused. Moreover, my clothes that normally fit well on my petite frame are now dirty. Jambo, he's my favorite horse, is tan and twenty-hands high. Jessie's my man. At 6'3", I call him my tall, lean muscle machine. His black hair and green eyes go perfect with his dark tan.

"The horse wasn't movin, so I gave the stubborn mule a boost," said Jessie.

"Jessie! You have to stop being cruel to every horse I get. You know I don't like it." I said.

"And I've told you that I don't care what you like, I can beat you to," Jessie said as he pulled me to his side with a jerk.

"No! Jessie, this has to stop, I love you and Jambo!" I snapped as tears streamed down my face.

Jessie turned and grabbed both my arms, stopping me in my tracks. His face was beet red and that vein started throbbing in the middle of his forehead. " What do you want, woman? You don't want me to beat him! So he has to go! You can get a female horse like I told you two years ago."

"No, he doesn't," I whimpered as I tried to wriggle loose.

"Dammit, woman, I said he has to go. i'll send him to the glue factory!" Jessie yelled as spit flew out of his mouth.

"What if I find a home for him? I will find a home for him!" I yelled.

"Whatever," Jessie said giving me a shove that almost knocked me over. " Just get rid of him or I will."

When we got back to the truck, he opened the door for me and slapped my behind as I got in. This was his standard apology and meant he had forgiven my misgivings.

He jumped in the truck beside me and squeezed my leg so hard it hurt. "Dammit!" He yelled, hitting the steering wheel with his fists. " I'll be back, left my keys in there."

I watched Jessie stomp off. His blue jeans and shirt were tight showing off those great muscles, I remembered why I loved him so, great body, fantastic sex, and a great bedside manner when he wasn't mad.

"Scuse me, mam." A tall dark cowboy approached the truck. " Pardon, didn't mean to startle ya. Names Clyde." he poked a card in the truck window. I took it, speechless as he said, "Our service is guaranteed," and walked away.

I looked at the card, it read " U - Haul Um, We Stall - Um. Need a pesky varmit corralled? All problems solved no horsen around."

As I pocketed the card I dreaded the thought of having to get rid of another fine stallion because of Jessie's temper. In the three years we had been together, I had owned four excellent stallions, all to stubborn for Jessie's impatience. Three gone to good homes at Jessie's demand. Rather a good home than the glue factory where death was certain.

Over the next few days, I called several places and they were all full. " Call back in two weeks." they said.

At a lose for what to do, I stumbled across the card in my pocket while sorting laundry. " U-Haul Um, We Stall-Um, huh," I said and found a quiet corner where I could call the number. I explained the whole situation to a man with a deep voice and a heavy Southern drawl.

"I'll call ya tomorrow at three pm with directions and a time that yall can deliver," the man said and hung up.

Over dinner, I let Jessie know I had found a good home for Jambo and he made it clear that this was Jambo's last chance before the glue factory. The next day at three pm exact, the man called.

"Friday six Am," he said, " The big ranch at CR 610 and CR 2" and hung up.

When we arrived, a tall dark looking man waved us into the stables.

Jesse said, " You better make your goodbyes quick, cuz I got things to do. You hearin me, woman?"

Yes, I hear you, I'll be quick." I said getting out of the truck.

I went around and said my goodbyes to Jambo through the trailer window as Jessie and two other men opened up a stall and the trailer.

"Mam," a short man said to me, " could you pull the truck out, when we get the horse out?"

"Sure," I said, patting Jambo's head. "You'll be better off here, baby.

I went around and got in the truck. As I pulled out, the short man was sliding the barn door closed behind me. In the rearview mirror I could see the other two men grab Jessie as the door slid closed; I just kept going like the man on the phone told me to.

"I wonder what they - - .

"Mam, Mam, are you alright? You had a big fall, are you alright?"

I opened my eyes to see my stable hand Theodore looking down at me, shading my face with my crumpled hat. " Ouch, my wrist hurts," I said. Where are Jessie and Jambo?"

"Jambo's in the pasture. I'm real sorry, mam, but Jessie's gone. He packed his rucksack and told me to help you. Said he was done with you and this ranch, got in his truck and left." Theodore said.

Huh, he left!" I said, remembering my dream. " Oh well, we'll be better off without him. Would you take me to the hospital, Theodore? Do you think a pink cast will look good?"

"Yes mam," Theodore said, helping me to my feet.

AN ORIGINAL SHORT STORY BY: Kristina L. Anderson 12/18/2009


This short story was created and written by Kristina L. Anderson 12/19/2009.




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This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. Content is for informational or entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for personal counsel or professional advice in business, financial, legal, or technical matters.

© 2012 Tysthe1


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