Voice Of Serenity

From the darkness, the voices of the people in my life are clamouring in my head. Screaming, yelling, telling me that I'm nothing. Telling me that I am worthless and better off dead. Each time the minute hand strikes, my bedroom gets darker, and the voices get louder. I feel overcrowded in this empty room. I have everybody and nobody. I stand in the middle of noise and silence. I slowly close my eye lids, whispering a soft beg to the universe that this reign of pain will soon come to an end. Of course, my pleads mean nothing and the voices, once again, get louder. Every negative comment, every negative statement, every negative look, sneer, action, or emotion thrown at me throughout my entire life is suddenly played at the same time.

As if inside a zoetrope, terrible memories spin around me, misguiding and confusing me. I am no longer in my bedroom, but in a pit of fear. Tears begin to form and the shotgun for the streaming race has begun. Falling back, I hope someone catches me although I know no one is there. Falling deeper and deeper into the arms of struggle, I lose control. Tossing and turning, clawing and hitting, punching and kicking, crying and dying. My spirit is dead and my hope is gone. In a constant tremble, my mind and my body disassembles itself into near oblivion.

Out of the darkness, the phone rings. I hesitate picking it up but the ringing is driving me more into insanity, and I figure it is better to hear a real voice, rather than the monsters in my head. I let it ring once, twice, thrice, until I finally put the phone to my ear. A cheerful, soft, gentle voice greets me on the other end. I focus on his voice and it starts to calm me down. I don't say much, but I encourage him to continue speaking. His words flow into my ears and everyone else's booming voice slowly softened down. With words of a lullaby, my heart calms down and my body is put at ease. A few minutes pass and all that I can hear is his voice. The spinning motion whirs to a stop. One by one, the flashing images of trauma shut off. I am back in my bedroom, walls standing tall, as silence settles in. I can only hear a soft hum of static coming from the phone but no one is talking. I try to say hello but I cannot get the word out of my mouth. I keep stuttering in a shaky voice.

"Princess?" I hear from the other end. I am excited he is still there and I attempt to speak again as a smile builds up.

"I'm here," I whisper. Suddenly, the feeling of being relaxed feels more real and trustworthy. As he continues talking, I find myself smiling more and more. I close my eyes, listening closely to his voice as I drift away to sleep.

"Princess? Did you fall asleep? Well, goodnight Princess. Sweet dreams."