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Caution: Laughter Ahead

Updated on July 23, 2015

World’s Funniest One Liners

I recently came across a little pamphlet titled “101 of the World’s Funniest One Liners." It is published by “Living Waters Publications,” www.livingwaters.com

It was a riot. I would like to share a few I found particularly amusing.


  • · Borrow money from a pessimist. They don’t expect it back.


  • · I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.


  • · No one is listening until you make a mistake.


  • · Campers: Natures way of feeding mosquitoes.


  • · I started out with nothing and still have most of it.


  • · Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.


  • · Out of my mind. Be back in five minutes.


  • · Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

More One Liners

  • · Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.


  • · If at first you don’t succeed, don’t try skydiving.


  • · If everything is coming your way, then you’re in the wrong lane.


  • · Atheism is a non-prophet organization.


  • · Ask me about my vow of silence.


  • · I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.


  • · Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard drive?


  • · We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.


  • · Don’t steal. The government hates competition.


  • · On the other hand, you have different fingers.


  • · 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.


  • · Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.


  • · Few women admit their age; few men act it.


  • · IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.


  • · I wonder how much deeper the oceans would be without sponges.


  • · Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool.


I hope you enjoyed these as much as I did.

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    • Putz Ballard profile image

      Putz Ballard 6 years ago

      Thanks Great hub enjoyed very much

    • profile image

      SuperDave 6 years ago

      Woody Allen and Bob Hope would be proud. One liners are great.

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