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Caution: Laughter Ahead

Updated on July 23, 2015

World’s Funniest One Liners

I recently came across a little pamphlet titled “101 of the World’s Funniest One Liners." It is published by “Living Waters Publications,”

It was a riot. I would like to share a few I found particularly amusing.

  • · Borrow money from a pessimist. They don’t expect it back.

  • · I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

  • · No one is listening until you make a mistake.

  • · Campers: Natures way of feeding mosquitoes.

  • · I started out with nothing and still have most of it.

  • · Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.

  • · Out of my mind. Be back in five minutes.

  • · Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

More One Liners

  • · Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

  • · If at first you don’t succeed, don’t try skydiving.

  • · If everything is coming your way, then you’re in the wrong lane.

  • · Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  • · Ask me about my vow of silence.

  • · I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

  • · Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard drive?

  • · We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

  • · Don’t steal. The government hates competition.

  • · On the other hand, you have different fingers.

  • · 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

  • · Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

  • · Few women admit their age; few men act it.

  • · IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.

  • · I wonder how much deeper the oceans would be without sponges.

  • · Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool.

I hope you enjoyed these as much as I did.


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    • profile image


      7 years ago

      Woody Allen and Bob Hope would be proud. One liners are great.

    • Putz Ballard profile image

      Putz Ballard 

      8 years ago

      Thanks Great hub enjoyed very much


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