Redneck Tale # 2 - Wag Lag

My friend and fellow worker, Curtis Phillips, told me this story about his dog - as he described him, a really stupid chow dog. Curtis put up with the chow dog because it was not mean-tempered or bad. It was just plain stupid.

One nice summer day, Curtis' wife (as do all wives when grass grows rapidly) hollered loudly, "Curtis, you get out there into the yard and CUT THE GRASS!"

Curtis intended to continue his habit of dining at the supper table on foods which he did not, himself, have to cook.

Curtis obeyed.

Curtis' lawnmower did not obey.

There was little to do but to disassemble the various parts of the lawn mower engine understandable to Curtis. This meant that Curtis removed the plastic foam air filter from its housing and soused it up and down in a soup plate into which he had poured gasoline. The filter was cleaned, squeezed to release its load of gasoline back into the soup plate,and laid out in the sun to evaporate whatever gasoline remained in its pores.

Curtis' chow dog, a dull-witted animal as was already noted, wandered over to see what was going on. To the chow dog, a soup plate meant soup (or something equally good to eat). The chow dog stuck out its purple-colored tongue and lapped up the gasoline from that soup plate before Curtis could yell, "Knock it off, Stupid!"

Oh, my!

That stupid chow dog took off a-running - around and around Curtis' back yard. He sometimes put his feet up horizontally and ran as though the vertical board fence was a running track. Neither you nor I ever saw such a sight before. The chow dog ran and ran and ran and ran - around and around and around. Finally, he plopped onto the grass, spread-eagled there, not moving.

I told my friend, Curtis, "What a way to die! Poisoned by gasoline!"

Curtis replied, "No, Gus. He didn't die. He just ran out of gas!"