ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Weather Fact: I Cannot Stand Snow

Updated on December 3, 2018
kenneth avery profile image

I was born in the south. I live in the south and will die in the south. This is only a small part of the memories I share.

Today is December

third. Only 22 days until Christmas—The Number ONE Gift-Giving Day for Americans ranging from the east to the west coast. You could also say that (this) day, of which I speak, is THE busiest day when those gifts that were given for Christmas are heading to department stores everywhere to return them for money. Sure, it sounds cold, but I will not lie to you.

Nor will I pump you up and mislead you about (that) one event that children of all ages used to celebrate all day long on the 25th of December: The Annual Build-a-Snowman Contest. Were you ever a contestant? I was, but when I helped to build snowmen (in my day), it was not for competitive reasons. The reason that my friends and I tried our very best to build the best snowman was strictly selfish. We wanted our snowman to look the best just so we could poke fun at those less-than-creative creations. Looking back now . . .it was all in good, rib-gigging trouble on our behalf.

Isn't he cute?
Isn't he cute? | Source

But Those Great Days

of building snowmen (for me) are history. And this old guy (me) is very sad. Fact is while my friends and I were having a lot of fun building our snowmen and eventually took part in our Dangerous Snowball Battle, we never once thought that our activities were that dangerous—even with the danger warnings from Uncle Sam and the thousands who work in the Federal Government’s Dept. of Health and Welfare. We just plain didn’t care. We just had all the border-line fun that we could (without hurting each other) and never gave it another thought.

I said all that I wanted to say about my days building snowmen and tossing snowballs because each time that (these) memories surface, I slowly become very sad—about those care-free times of freezing temperatures, frost bite, and counting the hours until school was out for Christmas so we would have a good two weeks’ worth of snowball fights, construction of snowmen, and some of our more-creative friends began another area of our fun: Dressing their snowmen so their snow mannequins would stand out from the crowd. No worries. (e.g. Paul “Crocodile” Dundee Hogan). Friends like this were often told to get lost or just plain, leave, because “this” warning was shorter and when said with a rougher voice, the creative friends ran for their lives.

Below is a List of Reasons Why

I Don’t Promote Building Snowmen or Throwing Snowballs . . .

Dangers of Building Snowmen

  • Unless a snowman is adequately-dressed, some open-thinkers might accuse you of sporting a vulgar snowman and tell you off.
  • If you just have to build a snowman, please be at a younger man (than I am), or some citizens of your hometown might file a complaint and have you committed in order to receive professional help.
  • Snowmen built with a smirk or frown are fine, but their makers are asking passerby’s for trouble because their snowmen are daring American citizens by wearing those bully-like looks on their faces.
  • Years ago, rumors had it that a few punks who disregarded those of authority took to throwing snowballs at the power lines near their homes—sending powerful electrical currents into their hands. So you see, snowball-throwing can be a dangerous sport.
  • The facts about snowballs being used for baseballs are unfounded. No rational snowball would ever be used in such games—and most snowballs fall apart when coming into contact with the bat.
  • Creating snowballs, then hiding them underneath your clothing to hide them from view just so you can use them to toss them at your less-friendly friends is a very stupid and wasteful event. Your own body temperature will melt the snowballs that you have tucked safely inside your shirt and when those less-than-friendly-friends walk by, they will surely laugh you to scorn because a person whose shirt is saturated with water out in public is always good for a laugh.
  • NEVER play this trick on your girlfriend or fiance: kidnap, errr, pet-nap your girlfriend’s sweet and cuddly York Terrier and then do your best to try and design a cute sweater and cap out of snow because the dog will jump for fear at the cold temperature in the snow and could bite you. And . . .when your girlfriend sees how ignorant that you are, she will break-up with you for assaulting her Yorkie and friend, NO apology will ever smooth this stupidity over.
  • Bravery does NOT pay, because you find yourself at a wild party and you are on your way of being intoxicated, but you can still walk a straight line without falling.
  • You let the booze (in your stomach) start to work and bellow, “I am the ONLY man at this shindig who can build his own fake face made from real snow.” The crowd stops to dare you. Then you find out just how foolish you really because you are now sitting in your hometown Emergency Room awaiting the doctor who is on call to leave his golf course just so he can charge you $300.00 for a bad case of frost bite.
  • Speaking of snow and ice, if you must impress your girlfriend, DO NOT start a conversation with: “Sissy,” I might be related to Sir Edmund Hillary, you know? The first man to climb Mount Everest.” “Wy’, no, “Bill. You don’t look the part of being a rugged mountain climber.”
  • You are quick to prove her wrong and then when you climb onto the roof of your home, you slide off and fall directly on her and the ground. Guess what else? “Alone Again, Naturally.”

Note: If you correctly name the title of the song at the end of the tip below, I will personally name you as the winner of the quiz in my next hub. I mean it.

December 3, 2018___________________________________________________

"Hello, friends."
"Hello, friends." | Source

© 2018 Kenneth Avery

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • profile image

      Ken Avery 

      2 years ago

      Dear Liz -- it is late here and I am in the mood to be generous. If you would fly over here to America, I promise to meet you at whatever airport of your choosing, then treat you to a fine lunch with tea and whatever you choose, but remember. I am not a lavish soul.

      Let me hear what you think.

      Merry CHRISTmas to you and Happy New Year.

    • Mr. Happy profile image

      Mr. Happy 

      2 years ago from Toronto, Canada

      "The Annual Build-a-Snowman Contest. Were you ever a contestant?" - Never heard of it. We built forts in Romania as kids. Then, we'd have the biggest snowball fights ever. It was often like twenty against twenty, or even more - kids from different buildings would come together and form groups: massive snowball fights!

      "We just had all the border-line fun that we could (without hurting each other) and never gave it another thought." - We did injure ourselves, I'm not gonna lie. Sometimes the "snoballs" were just chunks of ice, haha!! Those would hurt like a #$^%!! There'd be some crying and some going home early but that's life. We'd be back at it the next day. : )

      "you are now sitting in your hometown Emergency Room awaiting the doctor who is on call to leave his golf course just so he can charge you $300.00 for a bad case of frost bite." - It's free of cost when You go to the doctor in most first world countries. Forget first world countries.. It's free of cost when You show up at the doctor even in Romania, or Cuba ... geez You Americans are so far behind I can barely see You. Haha!! How about divert some of that cash going to build bombs and air carriers and put it towards universal health care. It's cheaper in the end anyway.

      Sorry Amigo, couldn't help myself. It's just my two cents. I do wish You (not only You, all Americans) all the best - cheers! : )

    • Eurofile profile image

      Liz Westwood 

      2 years ago from UK

      This follows an interesting train of thought.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)