ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Weird Bus Ride Home

Updated on October 22, 2011
Source

I fell asleep on the train on my way home from work and had to get off at a different stop. I figured, what the hell, I'll stop in this bar on the corner; one I've never been to before. I really don't know how long I was there, because of the performing bears that were juggling wine bottles out back, or, maybe it was the anthropomorphic attire the bartender was wearing. Either way, I must have stayed too long because the usual buses weren't running at that hour. Bottom line, I hopped on the first bus to come along. It was the Washtinaw bus, of which I had never heard .Regardless, I needed to get home.

This is where it gets weird. The bus pulled up, and Jack Brickhouse was the driver. I say it was weird because he's been dead for quite some time, and I was reminded of Dante's Inferno, where the pilot Charon (?) carried souls across the river Styx. Any how, when I got on, the usual commuter fare was no-where to be found. Instead, the bus was filled with familiar faces I had hoped to forget existed. Nancy Reagan was sitting next to Amy Winehouse saying, "Just say no." Amy was eating a burrito shaped like the Eiffel Tower, and filled with little Frenchmen screaming, "We surrender," when Paris Hilton decided to pull a Sharon Stone and diverted my attention from their bickering and let me realize that the Dalai Lama was desperately pulling the signal chord in an attempt to stop the bus.

Now, I don't know how many of you have commuted lately. But, as you can see, this was not a normal commute...Washtinaw is a side street!

By this time, at least twenty minutes had passed and Einstein was pushing Hilton out of the way yelling something about the clock (a reference to an add for Rolex watches we had passed about a mile back...or ten miles, depending on your quantum calender). Hilton, amidst all the confusion, misinterpreted Einstein's "Clock" reference and sent a text message to Lindsey Lohan about old guy's genitalia and bad burritos.

When the bus finally pulled up to the Playground For Adult Psychosis, Rod Blagojevitch and Donald Trump were just taking down their lemonade stand, and I thought this would be a great time to disembark.The problem was, Glenn Beck was blocking the aisle with a chalkboard making everyone clean erasers before getting off. Well, naturally, from my work with Chase Bank and homeless billionaires, I had two clean ones handy.

As I was getting off the bus, Kenny, from "Southpark" was getting on. I tried to give him the heads up...but you know those poor people.

I really want to go back to that bar one day. It reminded me of the time I got on a bus that read, "Richmond," the street I lived on, and woke up in Virginia...East Virginia; I think. But if I ever find that bar again...I'm taking a taxi home.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • profile image

      Alexandra 

      6 years ago

      Heck yeah ba-ybee keep them coming!

    • leroy64 profile image

      Brian L. Powell 

      9 years ago from Dallas, Texas (Oak Cliff)

      Cool. Interesting. Strange. Love it. Up and Awesome.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)