Western Short Story - Gimpy Wilson
Gimpy Wilson
It was one of those mornings, and Gimpy Wilson was sure enough nursing a grudge. He had hired on as a jail keeper, not a damned deputy! The real deputy, Jimmy Hawthorne, was laid up with a busted leg, and Marshal Bickford was taking a prisoner to Carson City for trial. That left Gimpy, and he was sore as a bear with a toothache about it. The only good thing in the deal was an empty jail and a quiet town…so far.
He had just made his third trip to the outhouse, and Doc Waters said it had to do with some damned gland…proskate or prosfake, or something like that. Doc said lots of older men get it, and there was nothing for it but to live with it. Oh, and stop drinking all that coffee, which Gimpy Wilson was not about to do. “Piss on that!”, he thought, and then smiled at his choice of profanity.
Across the street, a Wells Fargo wagon and four heavily armed riders stood in front of the County Bank. That would be the weekly silver delivery from the Lucky Jack Mine, to be stored in the bank’s vault until the train came through on Saturday with the express car. All that was their worry of course, since they hadn’t seen fit to contract for protection with the Marshal’s office. Gimpy yawned and pulled himself out of the desk chair. He limped across to the wood stove and poured himself another cup of coffee.
Gimpy Wilson was fifty-one years old, and looked twenty years older than that. His face was weather-beaten and lined from years in the deserts of Arizona, and his left leg was stiff from a mini-ball fired by some damn Johnny-Reb that had passed right through his knee. The Rebs had been hiding behind some big pines, just before full morning light, and had ambushed his patrol. He survived by crawling under some scrub-oak brush and covering himself with leaves. He heard the screams of the rest of his patrol as the Rebs cut their throats. It was full dark that evening before he finally worked up the courage to come out. All five of his companions were dead, and that was the end of the war for him. The Army surgeon had wanted to amputate his leg, but Gimpy’s sour attitude and his big-bladed knife with the stag-horn grips quickly changed the surgeon's mind.
He’d prospected some near Prescott, and up on Gold Hill, but never hit the big one. He drifted west, and ended up here with his jailer job. He looked up from his coffee at the sound of hooves, and watch the Wells Fargo bunch ride out of town. The only other horses on the street were the three tied off in front of Millie’s Café, where they were either having a late breakfast or an early lunch. His own breakfast consisted of bacon he’d sliced off a side and fried on the wood stove. Doc Waters had warned him about that too, telling him that all that fat was rich food, and wasn’t good for him. Damned doctor! What the hell did he know? He was five foot eight, and one hundred and fifty pounds. What fat?
He picked up his broom and the dust pan and headed back to the cells. There were three, and all three needed sweeping. That prisoner feller had torn up his pillow in a rage the first night, and scattered feathers everywhere. Well, he slept without a pillow after that, and Gimpy ignored his complaints. Served him right, and after that tantrum, Gimpy made sure the prisoner’s water was warm and his food was cold. When the prisoner complained to the Marshal, he just shrugged his shoulders.
“It’s Gimpy’s jail, not mine, and he runs it his way. I reckon you shouldn’t ought to have tore up his pillow like that.”
There’s nothing harder to sweep up than feathers, and Gimpy was soon insulting the mother of the prisoner who had been so thoughtless as to put them there. They covered the floors of all three cells, and the narrow aisle between. On top of that, the prisoner’s toilet bucket was full, and in need of emptying. Well, that meant one more trip to the outhouse, so he may as well relieve himself one more time while he was there.
The often airborne feathers continued to evade his broom and pan, and the air slowly turned blue as Gimpy began to string together a bitter litany of new and inventive profanity. In fact, it almost made him miss the sharp, but suddenly cut-off scream from somewhere outside.
He put down his broom and limped into the front office, where he peered out the window. At first, he saw nothing, and then he noticed the three horses that had been in front of Millie’s Café were now in front of the bank. The bank window was glaring in the sun, and for a minute he could see nothing, but then he made out Miss Wanda Pierson, and someone behind her with his arm around her throat.
Well, hell! On top of all his other woes this morning, that just about tied it. Three strangers were in his town trying to rob his bank, and they were bothering Miss Wanda Pierson in the process. Worse than that, it fell to him with the Marshal gone, and it meant he had to do something about it, sure enough! The injustice of it all was just too much for Gimpy Wilson, and he savagely limped across to the gun rack and took down the Greener double barrel shotgun. He checked the loads and grabbed another handful of the big, ten gauge shells, dumping them in his vest pocket. Then he strapped on his old .44, and limped out the door, in a full rage.
The banker stood behind his terrified teller with his hands held up by his shoulders. He was trying to explain the vault’s time lock to the leader of the three bank robbers, but he might as well have been trying to explain the workings of a pocket watch to a monkey. After all, if criminals were bright, they probably wouldn’t be criminals.
A tall yellow-haired man had his arm around Miss Wanda Pierson, and seemed to be enjoying himself. After all, she was the prettiest girl in town and she smelled darned good. The third man had Hank Goodman, the grocer, backed up against the wall. Unknown to the other two thieves, he had relieved Goodman of his deposit bag, containing some thirty dollars, and he intended to keep it. So much for honor among thieves.
Suddenly, the door burst open and Gimpy Wilson drew the Greener down on the leader and nearly cut him in half with a load of buckshot. Miss Wanda Pierson screamed at the sight of all that blood, and fainted dead away. The yellow haired man made the mistake of trying to grab her as she slumped to the floor,and Gimpy gave him the second barrel of buckshot full in the face. The he whirled and drew his .44 Russian. The third man was trying to bear down on Gimpy and keep his grip on Hank Goodman’s money bag at the same time, but his time ran out. Gimpy thumbed the hammer four times and stitched the hapless robber’s shirt with a hail of lead from his belly button to his collar.
Then all was silent, and the banker realized that he had not drawn a breath since Gimpy had charged through the door. The thin teller gawked through the heavy smoke from Gimpy’s guns at the three bodies, and then he too fainted dead away. Gimpy took one more look around at the result of his violence, and then, apparently satisfied, abruptly spun on his heel and left.
Later that afternoon, the thoroughly shaken banker walked across the street to the Marshal’s office, where he stood in front of the desk and regarded Gimpy, who was quietly nursing his sixth cup of coffee.
“That was the damnedest thing I ever saw, Gimpy. They never even got off a shot! But shouldn’t you have given them a chance to surrender?’
“There was three of them, Hyram, and only one of me. If I’d foolishly given them your notion of a chance, we wouldn’t be here talkin’ about what is and what ain’t fair. Besides, I was in a hurry.”
“In a hurry? For what?”
“I had to pee, damnit!”
Comments
Will, this was another really great story. You sure know how to paint a picture with words.
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Hi Mike and thanks.
I would have responded sooner, but I had to go pee! :-)
LOL Will, I know the feeling my friend.
Another great story, Will keep them coming
I take water pills. I know how that goes. Funny as heck. Don't mess with an old man, They shoot first because they got to go.
Wow ! like the witnesses in the bank your story held me hostage till the end. I sympathize with Gimpy for the intolerable discomfort he felt but it left me in stitches.lol
OMG! That was a great and funny story, Will. I broke up in laughter several times but that ending absolutely finished me, and My god, give them a chance to surender? The banker must have been a liberal.
This is the very first time I have ever used those letters together like that.
Just finished a non-fic called 'The Last Gunfight' bout the ok corral and it was good with its facts and quotes; but I'm starting to like your Western stories better. You bring new characters alive who probably existed in one form or another and you write them into life superbly. Gimpy had quite a day and when you gotta go...This ones in my top three faves from you.
Excellent, Will. Thank goodness that woman's scream didn't hit ol' Gimpy in full midstream!
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Hi writer20,
Glad you liked it!
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Hi Becky,
When ya gotta go...!
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Hi SilentReed!
Whatever you call that gland, it's real a trouble-maker!
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Hi SubRon7,
Not all the old western heros were young, handsome cowboys. Some were cranky, dangerous old men.
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Hi Alastar Packer,
You figured me out...I take the real characters I've met through the years and write a story around them. Some even resemble me...a little! :-)
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Hi Fred, and what a nice compliment from a superb writer!
Gimpy was a man who did not tolerate fools, especially when he was already riled by life's little irritations.
Great as always,there was a lot of Gimpy's in those days that just stepped up and used that thing we call--COMMON SENCE.
Great story...wonderful story of a grumpy old man, funny and entertaining....keep up the great work.
Will, a great story incircled with a good laugh, I certainly can sympathize with getting old, grouchy and pee impaired, as good a reason I can think of for shooting a feller in the face, LOL, dust
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Hi Ginn Navarre!
On top of that, Gimpy was in a very bad mood!
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Hi Cogerson, and thank you!
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Hi Dusty,
Yeah, it's that darned old prosfake gland!
Gimpy reminds me of a guy I used to work with....just plain old common sense guy, who invented many of new profane adjectives that made him a legend, he also had no problems with smaking twenty year old punks who crossed the line with him. The only problem I have, I am the same age now as Gimpy.
Excellent as always Will....a simple little masterpiece.
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Hi CMerrit,
Yeah, lots of us can identify with Gimpy Wilson. He's based on several people I've known through the years, including yours truly.
Great story Will. You paint a wonderful picture with words.
Loved this story. Gotta run, can't say why! Up funny and awesome.
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Hi Sam9999, and thank you!
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Ho breakfastpop,
Well, if ya gotta go...!
I love this story. What a cool ending!!!!
Don't mess with an old warrior who has a bad leg and a weak bladder. I love Gimpy's sense of justice and wish our jail system had the same. You tear up your stuff, you suffer. And man, he knows guns! Perhaps there is a story to be told about Gimpy and how he became such a good shot.
I am very serious when I say you should put these incredibly entertaining stories into a book. An e-book would be great. I will be the first to buy a copy!
Laughing and saluting the author, Hyph.
Will, funny , awesome, wonderful, everything!
I love Gimpy, funny name, but love him still. When I started reading I pictured him with that limp and alas there the limp was. A man like that should be deputy! Wonderful, just wonderful!
once again, Will, you paint a story - hopefully not with a splatter around the edges
up and funny
q
The story deserves money words, but has none, you realize that, don't you? lily
You are a spellbinding writer, Will. I you sure you're not a well known Western writer in hiding or just toying with us?
You know all the terminology, too; I've never heard of that shotgun make before. Do you get any Adsense action from your stories? Bob
Gimpy to the rescue! What a guy! No nonsense and effective!
This is a big winner for me. The pacing on this is perfect and the last line summed up everything that had happened...very clever. Great name for the lead character.
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Hi Cardisa!
Gimpy hated deputing, even though he was quite good at it!
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Hi Lesleysherwood, and I'm glad you liked it!
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Hi Hyphenbird, and thank you for the great comments and comliments!
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Hi quester.ltd, and calling my story a word painting is the ultimate compliment!
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Hi lilyfly!
Yeah, I know about the key-word business, but I'd rather not make a dime than write a story around key-words. It would be like prostituting my children.
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Hi Bob,
I've read all the great western writers and I've developed my own style. I've actually only been at it for a couple of years, but it seems to come naturally. My stories won a couple of awards in school and college, but I'd never thought of writing for a career.
I love the shooting sports, and I've read hundreds of publications on historic firearms, so many of the names come easily. I do try to make sure I don't have a character packing a firearm that wasn't invented yet!
Thanks for your kind words!
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Hi Truckstop Sally,
Yeah, old men get grumpy when their routine is disrupted. Never pick a fight with an old man, because he knows he can't whip you, so he'll just kill you! :-)
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Hi Reynold Jay, and thank you!
Is the first Will Starr story you've read?
No No--I've been reading others for wite a while
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Thank you, Reynold Jay!
Brilliance again, everyone beat me to the best accolades as I'm on a different times zone to you guys, so brilliant is all I can say, and that it gave a smile for breakfast. What more can I ask!
Thanks
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Hi aguasilver!
Breakfast, eh? Easy on the coffee. :-)
Fresh fruit juice, blended by my beautiful wife, mango, melon and apple today!
mmmmmm.....
Great story Will. I liked that Gimpy didn't stick around. Finished up what he had to do, then went back and grabbed another coffee. I thought Gimpy gave the bank robbers a chance. They had a chance to leave town after breakfast.
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Hi mckbirdbks,
Gimpy left in a hurry because when ya gotta go, ya gotta go!
Lovely story Will. I really like Gimpy. How about tell us another of his adventures.
I should have anticipated the ending because I have somewhat the same problem.
You certainly made a point with the moral of this great story, Will. Don't try to rob a bank when the guy holding a gun on you is desperate . . . to pee. Funnnnny!
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Ho marshacanada,
Maybe Gimpy will be back.
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Hi dahoglund,
Yeah, I love my coffee, but...
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Hi drbj!
All the little irritations of age make older men grouchy and dangerous! :-)
Ah, that ol' prostate gland will do it everytime. Leaves a man downright mean about things. Good story Will...loved the way you developed this character. WB
.....well I was thinking of starting my day here at the Hub with great writers: Wayne Brown, Saddlerider 1 and Will Starr - talk about getting your right amount of 'bran' to start the day - you Sir, are the master, indeed of this western story genre - and your most witty comments to me are often pure comedic genius - probably one of the reasons anyone bothers to show up at epi's little humble hubspace - just to catch a glimpse of your witty commentary - lol lol lol
I sincerely hope you are well my friend - we are in the middle of a heatwave here in Ontario and the time is 11:37am at lake erie and the water has looked awful good all week - that's because I've been in it.
New blockbuster movie this summer with Harrison Ford and Daniel Craig - Cowboys and Aliens (Aliens with cowboys - ugh!!!!!!!!!)
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Hi Wayne,
Prostate? Is that the way it's spelled? :-)
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Hi Epi,
You were very popular long before I showed up, so I doubt my little comments have any effect. But thank you.
We're prepared and set for heat here in AZ., but it must be awful for those in the north who are not! Drink lots of water.
THANKS FOR MAKING MANY OF US SMILE FOR ANOTHER GREAT STORY!
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Hi Diane and thank you. And thanks too for Ralph's obit.
I just love Gimpy. Your characters are so real. You must be a people watcher. Another great tale - thanks.
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Hi suziecat7,
All my characters are a compilation of people I've known, and historical figures.
And yes, I have always found people fascinating.
This was fantastic. The old crusty character of Gimpy was so buyable and the ending... Too funny! You have a real gift for story telling in a down to earth way that is engaging and enjoyable for the reader.
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Hi poetvix, and thank you for giving it a read!
I'm going to give old Gimpy your link, and we'll see if your soothing poetry calms him down a little. But don't give him any coffee.
This almost reminded me of that Cartoon Character...and I can't think of his name. Wait was it "Yosemite Sam"? Anyway it's a Good thing that Gimpy always had to Pee...God bless his Prostate! This was Fun WillStarr, you are the Best!
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Hi b. Malin, and I'm so glad you liked it!
Very funny Will!
Don't mess with a man that has to pee. :-D
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Hi Sueswan, and thank you!
What a good, well written story, flows effortlessly. It certainly confirms that you are a writer!!! I love this:
Nursing a grudge...great choice of words. Thanks for sharing. A+ Excellent...
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Hi PenMePretty!
Lots of us old coots get a burr under our saddle over some small thing.
We like it that way, and thoroughly enjoy our little resentments, so we nurse them along, being very careful not to let any sunshine ruin our dark day.
Thanks for commenting! :-)
FUNNY!!!
Will - I like that last comment almost as much as the story. Almost.
My neighbor's dog yaps and yaps and I would like Gimpy to come and make it shut up. He can bring any gun he wishes to pack!
Hyphen, stick an open paper bag out the door and give it a good shake every time it yaps for a few days. It will stop soon.
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Hi mckbirdbks, and thank you!
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Hi Hyphenbird!
Sorry, but Gimpy is a dog man.
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Hi Becky,
Great advice!
It does work. I have had yappy neighbors too.
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Hi Becky,
It works on neighbors too?
NO, lol!!! I have had yappy neighbor dogs.
LOL... Go Gimpy! I love it.
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Hi kirutaye!
I dare anyone to read the first chapter of your reunion Christmas story and try to stop there. It can't be done!
Thanks WillStarr. Your stories are addictive too, your descriptions so spot on, I feel as if I'm standing in the scene watching it unfold.
It also helps that I love western stories. Fed on a staple of spaghetti western movies when I was growing up. LOL
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Hi kirutaye, and thank you.
I too wrote some Christmas stories...three to be exact...you can find them here:
https://hubpages.com/literature/The-Gift
Ah, Will...
You are a nurse's dream...
***don't hold it in
***do what you gotta do!
I have southern peeps that really DO say proskate--LOL!
Voted UP and FAB, just wonderful, mar!
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Hi marcoujor,
The various infirmities that come with age tend to make older men a little cantankerous…including that darned proskate gland!
If gimpy lived today he would have been a security guard with a cellphone and whistle. If he did shoot the bad guys he would have been jailed and sued.
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Hi ruffridyer!
Gimpy lived in the days of common sense. :-)
Quite a story Will, enjoyed it thoroughly, you've got a knack for telling. Thanks,
Peter
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Hi PETER LUMETTA, and welcome to Will Starr world! :-)
Will, I stumbled into the world of Gimpy and will be back for more of your short stories...I love twist at the end stories and "wry grin" moments...Sharing with my FB friends.
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Well, thank you, Mitch!
Absolutely loved this story Will. Gimpy is a terrific, if reluctant hero. I only came across this because you published as equal, so had to come read this first. Now off to read your other hub. Voted up.
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Well thank you, Jodah!
This little story was originally so well received that I decided to resurrect Gimpy for one more adventure.
I found this first part story of Gimpy from the sequel -- fantastic story, Will. Gimpy sure doesn't take kindly to any interruption in his daily routine, does he? What a guy!
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Hi Phyllis!
Old men are dangerous because they're cranky and fearless. Couple that with years of experience, and it's usually best to give them a wide berth.
Well I believe that, Will. Gimpy sounds like my Dad, who was a real cowboy and could be a really mean critter if aggravated. haha
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And there you have it.
Gritty story Will. The setting is stimulating and gets the mind wandering around that great, sunny State of yours.
I was lucky enough to spend part of one Winter/Spring in Prescott a few years back. A beautiful, modern town; yet everywhere I walked, I could feel the presence of the old ones - prospectors, grizzled soldiers like Gimpy, the dance hall girls, and the excitement of the bacon and bean hardscrabble life.
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Thank you, Billrrr!
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