What Do I Tell My Heart?

Sometime it happens. Love happens where it "shouldn't" for one reason or another. The heart is purblind, though, when it comes to logic and reason. So, however much 'common sense' is applied, all that will be accomplished is to 'arrange and control things so they don't get out of hand'. It cannot rearrange the heart, which is never 'in hand' or concerned with arranging things to begin with!

Even if or when the heart retreats, as it may where unwelcome and yielding to common-sense affairs, its realm lingers as close as the flow of seasons and the twinkling of the stars at night; at times, to remind or to unsettle us. But if we learn to trust its things, they will inevitably enrich us as whole, compassionate beings and by their own truth and beauty, provide us with whatever fortitude needed for realities.

Anna and the King, 1999, with Jodie Foster and Yun-Fat Chow, like various other versions, is based on the true story of an English widow, Anna Leonowens, who took her young son, Louie, and ventured by ship to Siam to fill a post as the teacher of the King's many children, borne of his many wives and concubines.

Though he was grounded in ancient customs of his country and royal dynasty, he had wisely recognized that, in order to survive as an independent kingdom to be counted in that Victoian era, 'modern' education in the humanities and sciences was going to be crucial.

There were clashes in customs in which the King had massive advantages but Anna had an independent spirit unwilling to sacrifice her principles and her being or to grovel to a despot.

Of course, the traditional oriental view of women was not based on respect, so the chasm might have been unsurpassable, but for the facts that the King's heart was essentially kind and his mind was quite reasonable; and her self-assurance was firm but respectful.

He was to gain major admiration for her undeniable principles, common sense, knowledge and keen, practical wisdom, - as well as her sincere and tender caring for his family. The result was that he began to solicit and take her advice and she was willing to give it while honoring his position.

Eventually, perhaps inevitably, it resulted in unspoken love between them, enough that he was able to understand, finally, how a man could be satisfied with just one woman, - though that woman was not available to him nor him to her.

So, of course, - they parted, but with loving understanding; she to return to England and he and his son whom she'd guided and who would become the King, to bring Siam into a modern, post-Victorian age, with abolishment of slavery and other significant modernizations.

2.

When first the clouds gather,

Then soon they pass.

We find we’re still alive,

All in one piece.

No cause to strive!

We've gained a new dimension

Filling emptiness.

There's no regret.

For - where love burst through

And opened heart

It lingers, yet.

In its own sweet realm.

It visited then,

Refreshed itself.

If now it's taken flight,

We better know -

Real love's a wing´d thing!-

To taste, but not to cling.

It lingers and revisits

Where it is free.

In its own time,

Sublime.

Cannot be contained.

It gives its ecstasy

Undetained

Past its prime,

Though such as we

May wonder why -

But know - the greater gift is nigh.

When we realize it can go no further,

What is there to do?

If we were slow to recognize,

To know these feelings,

They seemed so raw,

Showing through.

But we must understand them, too.

We cannot kick and scream 'why not?',

Can't hurl blame, spout scorching steam,

Or weep and wail
As if to alter it.

Oh, no! ~ To no avail.

May feel sad,

Bereft, adrift.

After all,

We didn't quest to feel it.

It just came.

Without a word.

That is not wrong,

Though more would be.

We never may reveal it.

Unspoken still,

Can find a way.

Please, please -

Just know, we say!

Know it exists,

Be comforted.

We want no more,

May have no more,

No more, to which entitled.

We smile.

Proclaim our love

To silence, it's unbridled.

But - Ah! So bittersweet!

To be a part of it,

We let it flee,

So we can also flit and fly.

Oe'r paths it blazed

For its own realm.

We can not bid it,

Hold it down or overwhelm.

When it is ripe it may alight

Where it finds welcome, -

Where it is right.

How generous of you

To bring your life

Within my narrow sphere,

To linger here

Enough to know.

If I could return

This kindness

In its kind - oh, yes!

I would.

But I cannot.

______© Nellieanna H. Hay

Pain need not be

Piercing.

Lack of feeling

Hurts sharply

As pain.

I value every feeling.

______© Nellieanna H. Hay