The Jeremy Kyle Show, a Poem: What Ever!

Lock up the dogs and cats

And hold on to your hats

Join the morning combat

With the king of crap chat

It's the daily dose of trash

Heated, repeated and rehashed

Voyeurism, like a train crash

Accusations and retaliations, bang, clash

He is the master of sleaze

So take your seats, please;

Watch him cajole and tease,

Trading Insults with ease

He is Jeremy Kyle

No pervader of style

He charms he beguile

He revels in bile

Meet my auntie flora

She likes a little extra

She stole her sister's fellah

And pissed off to Marbella

Anna's lived in lover

Drinks hard, he's never sober

Had a dalliance with Ginger

But he could not remember

Smoky Joe grows his own

Until he had his cover blown

In Brixton jail, he kissed Tyrone

When he got home his bird had flown

In the big brass bed, he loves so well

His babe in midst of passion yell (s)

Her words of love rang clear as a bell

And hits old Joe like an exploding shell

'Twas not from Joe she cried for more

It was another she adored

Her lover's hands sensuously slow

As homey bro, did the dirty on Joe

DNA, demanded Fred,

Beanie perched behind his head

Apple of his eyes, is little Nell

His only child and he loved her well

In a heated fight, her mother yells

And what she said sent him straight to hell

She laughed and dropped a huge bombshell

She's not bleeding yours, she's Noel's

So come back soon, stay awhile

Catch the suave Mr. Jeremy Kyle

Love him, hate him, he'll open your eyes

Purely dysfunctional, no compromise

Some more funny poems by tobusiness

• The Maid in Splendour
• Big Jock; A Limerick
• The Student Nurse; A Limerick