What Is It Like to Watch Someone Die?
"What is it like to watch someone die?"
This is a very complex question, one that is asked by many children and adults equally, and it is a question that cannot be answered the same every time it is asked. Each of us will experience the death of another in a different way, and the more you experience death the more it changes. I'm going to tell you what it felt like the first time I ever watched someone die.
Have you ever wanted to see someone die?
Careful What You Ask For, You May Get an Answer
The first time I ever watched someone die it was quite surreal, I wasn't expecting the reaction I would have to such an experience. I figured if I ever saw someone die, especially a stranger, I wouldn't really care and be able to brush it off. That was my macho side speaking, and as is most common that macho side was completely wrong and unprepared for the reality of death.
One day, about a week into working there, I had to watch someone die from gunshot wounds in the hospital. It was very hectic, all the nurses running around with all their different equipment, the doctor sprinting by me with what seemed like tunnel vision and pure life-saving intent on his face. The air was thick with hot panic, and despite this high-energy I felt quite cold.
As the nurses performed CPR on the individual, blood began to spill from the entry wounds, the doctor directed others to wipe up the blood that was spilling to the floor. There was a coldness in the process, as if it were business as usual for all involved, except for me outside of the room with my knees weakening.
Feeling like the world was running away from me, as if it was only me and this dying individual, I watched on as their chest was being compressed. Leaning up against the railing outside of the room it had to have been apparent that I was disturbed, but it was my duty to continue watching and so I did. For fifteen minutes the life of this individual faded away as others worked on them.
Tears began to well in my eyes as it got closer and closer to the announcement of their official death time, but I held them back so the EMT's standing there discussing how futile their attempts to keep this individual alive were so that they wouldn't see me cry. Nurses covered in blood stepped away from the body as the doctor commanded and the time of death was announced.
The body was wheeled by a nurse, myself, and another officer down to the cold storage room after having been cleaned up. I was dizzy with confusion and felt empty, almost as if the love of my life had just left me for another man, but rather than heartbreak it was just a cold, dark void in my chest. The pain this caused me emotionally was indescribable, but I went back to work and tried to forget what I had just witnessed.
Haunting Memories
Witnessing death isn't the worst part, it is that every death seems to stick to you no matter how hard you try to wash it off. I see that individual who died with no family, friends, or loved ones around them covered in blood on the table in my mind clearly still. Every time I recall it I get a sinking feeling, and all the others I witnessed come flooding into my mind shortly thereafter. Eventually you learn to block it out, even joke about it, but that pain is always there in the back of your mind.
Have you ever witnessed someone die in front of your eyes?
Value Your Life
Having watched other people die right before my eyes it has given me a deeper sense of the value of my own life. With every passing second, of every passing day, in every fleeting month, that leads to another quickly disappearing year I have come to want to live life to the fullest extent possible lest I pass on without having truly lived. It cannot be expressed enough that you need to value your own life, and never let a single thing hold you back from what it is you want to do.
Get out in the world and manifest your hopes and dreams, do it before it is too late and you no longer have the choice.
Comments
This explains why you immerse yourself in nature and all of its glory. Nature is freeing and the essence of life.
I can't imagine witnessing what you describe in this article. What is it you do for a living, Kyler?
Amazing writing structure and writing skills, keep it up and keep writing
Keep writing...great stuff!!!
This is very deep. Nothing in this world can prepare us for death of a loved one, or for a death of a stranger, or for our own death. This article makes us appreciate life and all little miracles in it while we still can.
Losing a loved one, no matter how it occurs, is always devastating. Sometimes it comes quickly without warning and other times it is a relief for the one suffering.
Regardless of the way the life of the loved one is taken from us, the grief that comes after the fact, comes in many different waves to everyone. As everyone here has already stated, treasure what you have before it is gone. Don't live with regrets.
Used to eorknin healthcare Kyler...so ive seen it up close...and youre sobright it makes you value your own life...great article!
I hold strong to your words, it's so powerful Kyler, "I have come to want to live life to the fullest" and "you need to value your own life, and never let a single thing hold you back"
Nothing prepares a person, mentally and physically to witness the loss of a life, especially when it's unexpected. The feelings that haunt your inner being not knowing how to find comfort, the memory remains fresh in your mind, no matter the months or years that pass.
Thank you for your articles, always look forward to the read
Watching someone die is surreal, but nothing can prepare you for the death of a loved one. A part of you dies with them, the memories and experiences you shared are played back at that moment.
When my brother was killed I was consumed by grief and anger. It takes a lot of courage and strength to move forward knowing that you have lost a part of what defined you.
I honestly admire the strength in people that have lost a lot of loved ones. People that are close to us become a part of us, losing them means we are losing pieces of ourselves. They have true strength that allows them to hold on to their remaining pieces without falling apart.
Yes, I was a caregiver for my husband for years. His was a long, slow death, and in the end, it was peaceful and, I gave thanks he slipped away after so much pain and suffering. Thank you for the article.
I was unable to be there when either of my parents died. I wish I could have been. A friend described being with her father when he died and she felt his passing was very good. He saw a light and she saw his eyes light up, seeing this light, just the moment before he died. She said that she would not worry when her time came. We had a friend stay when he was dying but he had to go into the hospice about 3 days before the end. Up to that point he did excellently well and we felt that we would do well if we were able to behave as he had. Although we would have attended his death if we could, we were not called in time.
As a RN I have seen many people die and last year I watched as my mother passed away in June. As a nurse you try to keep your relationship with a patient very professional so you don't get too attached. It doesn't always work though and I have cried after losing a patient more than once.
It is surely not something I ever wanted to see and yet some people are so ill I felt like they were finally at peace when they passed. I didn't like seeing people suffer at all.
Some things are just too terrible to forget easily. Life is precious indeed. Manage it carefully.
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