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Men are Born to Kill

Updated on August 30, 2013

What are Men for?

The reason for the existence of men has bewildered philosophers since the dawn of time. And, it confuses women every day.

Men know exactly what they are for, and as every woman will tell you, they strive relentlessly to fulfill that purpose. But after that seminal purpose has been achieved, whether it be prematurely or otherwise, and they have fathered the future, what then? In the beginning, man had to go forth and kill in order to feed his children. But after the offspring reached maturity, man was no longer needed. Even today - perhaps that should read ‘especially’ today - millions of women, and their children, think that men are an embarrassment and should shrivel up and blow away.

But life isn’t quite so simple. Over the aeons, the puzzled philosophers postulated that if every human is born with a purpose, woman’s role is to create and man’s role is to kill.

This premise can easily be proved - (with two exceptions that make men an irritating necessity).

How can it be proved?

It can be proved by taking up gardening. This may sound bizarre, but gardeners of either gender who are reading this will already be nodding in agreement. If you are not a gardener, take a trip to your nearest garden centre, the better to understand. Make your visit on a holiday weekend, and wander around taking in the whole atmosphere for some time. After you feel acclimatised, stand off to one side and observe clinically, and you will see the two exceptions mentioned above.

The customers you are going to be watching will be female/male couples. As they arrive, note that the man fetches the trolley, but the woman directs their course. The woman chooses the flowers, bushes, trees and the bags of soil. The man puts the purchases on the trolley, and when they get to the checkout, the man will pay for the items and carry them out to their car. These two things, the paying and carrying, are why men are tolerated by the fairer sex. Could this be where the ‘Cash & Carry’ phrase comes from?

To see proof of the theory that men’s secondary purpose is to kill, visit some gardener friends and observe. The woman will plant the flowers, shrubs or trees using the newly purchased soil; she is creating. From there on, she will care for the flowers as if they were family members.

On the other hand, while the woman creats, the man will be killing.

He will be killing grass by cutting it or weed-whacking it.

He will be killing parts of shrubs with his pruning shears.

He will be killing tree limbs with his chainsaw.

He will be killing weeds by digging them up.

He will be angrily raking dead leaves, upset because he wasn’t the one who killed them.

He will be spraying Wipe-Out on the driveway, killing any weeds that dare to trespass on his territory.

Finally, he will cremate the remains of the vegetation he has killed.

Women don’t mind this killing role; in fact they go out of their way to encourage men in their hobby, by helping them buy all the toys needed to do all the killing. They do this for a good reason; if the men concentrate on their secondary reason for existence, they will not be thinking of their main reason for being here, thereby making women’s lives less stressful.

©Janet Roylance tbmcv 2013 All Rights Reserved

Surely a man wouldn't kill this -
Surely a man wouldn't kill this -
 - or this?
- or this?

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    • Romeos Quill profile image

      Romeos Quill 4 years ago from Lincolnshire, England

      Lol!! What an inspired write. Lovely photos. I wonder how many women have killed men with their beauty, and muse that if God hadn't created woman from Adam's rib, whether he would still be chilling in the garden eating watermelon ;)

      Really funny....thanks for that.

      Best Wishes,

      R.Q.

    • John MacNab profile image
      Author

      John MacNab 4 years ago from the banks of the St. Lawrence

      Faith Reaper: Thank you for visiting and leaving a comment Faith Reaper; I apologise for the delay in answering. Also, thank you for the compliment. I have the same 'born to kill' instinct when I get a weed whacker or chainsaw in my hands. I can feel the feral instinct welling up inside, and I have to work very hard at suppressing it - hold on, there's a weed!

    • John MacNab profile image
      Author

      John MacNab 4 years ago from the banks of the St. Lawrence

      Jackie Lynnley: Again, Jackie, forgive me for the time gap. Thank you for popping in and reading - and especially for the comment.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

      LOL so funny! Very clever write here. It seems you have written much truth here. I HAD the most beautiful large bushes on both sides of my home, and my husband said he was going to "trim" them. When I had arrived home from work, they were just nubs! My definition of trimming is so very different.

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 4 years ago from The Beautiful South

      Hahahahaha! Big smiles here, you are quite a character I can see! Fun read. ^

    • John MacNab profile image
      Author

      John MacNab 4 years ago from the banks of the St. Lawrence

      drbj: Cleaning the bathroom might be up for grabs in your home, but in this one it comes after... 'and remember the spider webs on the siding'. Thanks for the visit and comment young 'un. I hope you had a pleasant vacation.

    • John MacNab profile image
      Author

      John MacNab 4 years ago from the banks of the St. Lawrence

      b.Malin

      My wife is nodding her head frantically at your comment. How was I supposed to know it was a 'different' type of grass? If she doesn't want it mowed down she should put borders around it!

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      I do believe, John, that you have discovered one of the Great Truths of the Ages. Man hunts, man kills. Woman creates, woman cooks. But as always, cleaning the bathroom is up for grabs. Thanks for your funny take on the subject.

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 4 years ago

      Man has been the Hunter, the Killer from Day one...Woman has been the Multi-tasker...Man is also capable of Killing a Romance, Killing a Marriage, as well as Killing the Garden. Woman is capable of Fixing a Romance, hers (sometimes) as well as a friend's...Both I'll admit, are capable of KILLING a Marriage...But the Garden, that's mostly the Men who killed that one.

      Love your Humor John!

    • John MacNab profile image
      Author

      John MacNab 4 years ago from the banks of the St. Lawrence

      I'm glad you had a good laugh at it Prisana, and being surrounded by men doing exactly the same things must have made it funnier. Thank you for visiting and commenting.

    • Prisana profile image

      Prisana Nuechterlein 4 years ago from Thailand and Colorado

      I was reading your Hub whilst surrounded by men in Kona, mowing, weeding, chopping and killing away...I was literally giggling throughout your entire hub! So funny! Thanks for the laughs....really great hub!

    • John MacNab profile image
      Author

      John MacNab 4 years ago from the banks of the St. Lawrence

      I forgot about that one Chris. In this household it's

      "EEEK A WASP"

      "KILL IT" KILL IT."

    • profile image

      chrisinhawaii 4 years ago

      Hahaha! And don't forget, "EEEK! A spider!"

      "KILL IT!"

      "KILL IT!"

      " KILL IT!"