Men Are Born to Kill

The reason for the existence of men has bewildered philosophers since the dawn of time, and, it confuses women every day.

Men know exactly what they are for, and as every woman will tell you, they strive relentlessly to fulfill that purpose. But after that seminal purpose has been achieved, whether it be prematurely or otherwise, and they have fathered the future, what then? In the beginning, man had to go forth and kill in order to feed his children. But after the offspring reached maturity, man was no longer needed. Even today - perhaps that should read ‘especially’ today - millions of women, and their children, think that men are an embarrassment and should shrivel up and blow away.

But life isn’t quite so simple. Over the aeons, the puzzled philosophers postulated that if every human is born with a purpose, woman’s role is to create and man’s role is to kill.

This premise can easily be proved - (with two exceptions that make men an irritating necessity).

How can it be proved?

It can be proved by taking up gardening. This may sound bizarre, but gardeners of either gender who are reading this will already be nodding in agreement. If you are not a gardener, take a trip to your nearest garden centre, the better to understand. Make your visit on a holiday weekend, and wander around taking in the whole atmosphere for some time. After you feel acclimatised, stand off to one side and observe clinically, and you will see the two exceptions mentioned above.

The customers you are going to be watching will be female/male couples. As they arrive, note that the man fetches the trolley, but the woman directs their course. The woman chooses the flowers, bushes, trees and the bags of soil. The man puts the purchases on the trolley, and when they get to the checkout, the man will pay for the items and carry them out to their car. These two things, the paying and carrying, are why men are tolerated by the fairer sex. Could this be where the ‘Cash & Carry’ phrase comes from?

To see proof of the theory that men’s secondary purpose is to kill, visit some gardener friends and observe. The woman will plant the flowers, shrubs or trees using the newly purchased soil; she is creating. From there on, she will care for the flowers as if they were family members.

On the other hand, while the woman creats, the man will be killing.

He will be killing grass by cutting it or weed-whacking it.

He will be killing parts of shrubs with his pruning shears.

He will be killing tree limbs with his chainsaw.

He will be killing weeds by digging them up.

He will be angrily raking dead leaves, upset because he wasn’t the one who killed them.

He will be spraying Wipe-Out on the driveway, killing any weeds that trespass on his territory.

Finally, he will cremate the remains of the vegetation he has killed.

Women don’t mind this killing role; in fact they go out of their way to encourage men in their hobby, by helping them buy all the toys needed to do all the killing. They do this for a good reason; if the men concentrate on their secondary reason for existence, they will not be thinking of their main reason for being here, thereby making women’s lives less stressful.

©Janet Roylance tbmcv 2013 All Rights Reserved