What really matters about families...
My only sister who is four years younger than me is flying to Australia to live here in two days time.
The first and last time I visited my sister and mother in the year 2000. Before that this was for the very first time since 1975.
So as you can see that was 26 long years since I had seen them in person. As many would say "A long time between drinks."
To say the whole event was an emotional roller coaster was indeed an understatement.
It was so hard meeting them again in person. My mother had hardly changed from what I remember of her. Mum could not help treating me as though I was still 13 years old.
Other than obligatory exchange Christmas and Birthday cards for 26 years with five words on them well that was as far as our relationship went.
I feel quite uneasy and anxious about my Sister coming out to live here without so much as holiday here first at least.
My feelings seem to come from mainly because she has not consulted me.
Somehow I feel she needs my permission. She seems to be scheming something. Something which she hasn't told me about I know that politically I shouldn't but there you are. I've asked her to ring me but she hasn't...
It gets complicated
As I said earlier I visited England & stayed with Mum in 2000. Mum had re-married since I last saw her way back in 1975; to Rodney.
Mum's 2nd partner George died of a heart attack in 1977.
I had not met Rodney until I made the trip in 2000 and Mum had told me very little about him.
Now I knew the trip to England would be difficult. A potentially emotionally difficult trip and (and that is exactly as it turned out). As such I sought advice from all and sundry before I went.
At the time I was a volunteer Lifeline Counselor so I had access to the very best advice at the tie on families relationship, dysfunctional families and the like. All I had to do was ask.
Well as they had never met my mother my Sister and Rodney all they could really give was superficial textbook advice that they teach in Psychology 101 at University.
Of course in between all this there is a lot of water under the bridge, My sister has been married once and has had two long term live in relationships since I last lived with them which was in 1969. As we all know 1969 is a long time ago.
And unfortunately the memories are of rejection and deceit. Look there has been a lot of forgiveness and least that it the way I came to terms on my mother favouring living with with George her second partner after my dad Brian. George did not want me to live with them! That is George all he wanted was to support was my sister Linda and my Mother as a consequence I returned to live with my father. Some 100 miles or so away in another part of England. Some 25 years later I found out that George had molested my sister.
Rodney who my mother married in 1977 died last April 2008. So Mum has been living alone in Spain except for several visits a year from my sister.
Now as I said earlier my sister is coming to Australia to do a Hairdressing Course and live here. She has sold up in England and split with her long term partner John. Who I thought was great chap! Look in many ways it will be a good thing.
Except I was hardly consulted on the move. My sister wrote to me over a year ago and asked if I would sponsor her as a migrant to Australia being that my Mother and my sister now are the only surviving "close" relatives that I have. Of course I said yes. Well I the interim my sister has gone of and done her own thing with as much as a letter saying what she had in mind. Now weeks from her turning up her have enrolled in a hairdressing course. Apparently hairdressers are in short supply here in Australia so if you want to migrate here getting a working Visas is easy if you have a hairdressing qualification.
Well I am told that she will be here in two weeks and intends to bring my mother over at Christmas. My Mother has not visited me here in the 29 years I have been here.
Look I know my Mother and sister are very close that is the way it has always been. In my view too close s much so that my mother who lives in Spain calls my sister every day. Well so what you say. Well the so what is when my sister comes here the homesickness will be immense for her.
I really don’t know why she’s coming she never really has said. Why if she is coming to make better relations with me that is great. But I am not so sure. She my sister broke up with her long term partner John about a year ago.
They bought a large house together. Both have been successful at there respective businesses. My sister had two beauty salons at one stage. And John here former partner is an International Representative for a French hot water company. So why give up and or destroy what she had for a punt into the unknown?