When Life Hands You a Box of Craziness!

My week started with a migraine. One of those dull roars that began at the base of my neck and roared like a pulsing freight train to stop behind my left eye. It was time to see a neurologist I had been putting off. I got lucky with a cancellation to see him the next day. I popped two pills and hoped for the best to get by till morning.

It was a beautiful, eye piercing, bright morning as I drove to the clinic. Impressed that my waiting time in the waiting room was less than five minutes, I didn't have time for a panic attack to dig its heels in. It waited until I was in the little, whited, walled office; my butt crinkling on the butcher paper covering the examining bed. To calm myself, I closed my eyes pretending I was doing yoga-till I nearly passed out. It was then that the busy nurse came in to poke and prod me, firing off questions like she was in the military shooting a gun. Everything went fine until she took my blood pressure.

Unlike most people that have their blood pressure skyrocket with nervousness, mine drops...like a sinker. The nurse fiddled with monitor, made sure the lines were plugged in, re-strapped that Velcro wrap, and tried it again. The machine chugged along till it was time for a reading...110/35. Now, I'm not sure what it's suppose to drop too-before it sends everyone into a panic-but I managed to make her pretty nervous. Then I quietly told her that was normal for me. I don't know if it helped the situation any, but she did get a little color to her face as her pen raced across the paper. Finished with her prodding, she mumbled something about the doctor being in soon. I crinkled the paper some more and stretched my neck till it popped.

Eyes closed in anticipation of waiting on the doctor, I imagined what he would look like. (I'm not fond of being in the hot seat, so I try to avoid getting sick. This way exposure to doctors were at a minimal. This one was recommended to me by our family doc, so stress levels were manageable for the moment.) Before I had a chance to fall asleep, in walked the Doc. It took all my power not to bust a gut laughing at how far off my expectations were. I'm thinking...young, six foot, causation, fresh out of med school. Here stood an elderly man that looked like an exchange student from India. I bet he topped off at barely five feet with a heavy accent to match.

I live in a small, one horsed town, full of cowboys and bankers. I could count on one hand how many people in our town were from a different culture; so to claim that I was surprised by this little man would be a huge understatement. You could have knocked my socks off, and I would have never known it. It took me a few seconds to pull my jaw off the floor and remember why I was here.

Doc pulled his little chair on wheels over and copped a squat. His deep, black, eyes pierced my soul with warm affection of curiosity and asked how I was doing.

Umm...brain fart...speechless...oh ya...migraines.

It too me about thirty seconds to explain the migraines I had been plagued with since I was a child. It took about thirty seconds more to realize the strange stickiness I was feeling running down my pits was sweat. My leg looked like a jackhammer with no place to go. Doc was chicken scratching marks on his report.

He calmly explained that in order to understand what triggered these nasty monsters, he needed to ask a few questions.

Sure, I thought, I have nothing to hide.

There was something about his gaze that seem to hypnotize me, as if he truly wanted to know my boring life. I felt the plug on my mouth being pulled before I had a chance to think of what to say. (Which some days, doesn't take much...the thinking that is.)

I was to begin with my life style for the last six months. Somehow I had hit rewind to a year ago.

My boring story went something like this...(pretty much in one breath, leg firing away like a jackhammer, and talking faster than a dealer on crack.)

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

"Let's see where to begin...I am a writer for a place called HubPages. It is like a bag of crack. I can't seem to pass by my computer without checking my stats. I write pretty much about anything that hits my brain and sounds good. I'm married with two teens, that managed to make it to graduation without too many issues. Umm, an in-law moved in with us for a bit due to a divorce. During that time a feud broke out in the family with some other in-laws, resulting in to much alcohol, and a broken nose. Peace finally reined only to have a couple of deaths in the family- one a distant cousin, another an uncle. It was a popularity contest where the winner humiliated the black sheep of the family. My daughter found a boyfriend that moved in and lived on the couch with my in-law. My in-law moved out a few days later, so we took our children (2) and their boyfriend/girlfriend on a camping trip. (Breath) It was a camping trip from hell when a lawn chair started on fire, spreading to the tent. Tent was saved, but the kid (my daughter's boyfriend) lost his wallet, hat, and a blanket. The boat broke down in the middle of the lake. We lost in oar and watch our son jump over the side into the 32 degree water. Saved the oar and the kid, but had to find a way to drag the boat along the shore to the boat dock. As luck would have it, we were rained out the next day. Kids loved the camping trip...go figure. Umm...our daughter runs off with boyfriend a month before graduation, but we were able to get her back. By graduation, family feud is back on. Daughter breaks up with boyfriend.Son breaks up with girlfriend and breaks his hand when he hit a tree. Family finds peace again. Daughter moves out of state with different boyfriend. Still waiting on the results of that one. Dad wanted to serve his road kill jerky at the family reunion as a joke. Instead he gave all the children under the age of seven their own pocket knives. (One kid traded his in for a Chinese star.) Dad then encouraged them to try out his mystery stew. My dog ran off and got pregnant...want a puppy? No? Ok...I still need to find homes for them. Other than that, not much else is going on. Oh ya, I miss my mom. I haven't seen her in awhile. While I am at it, do you think this would make a good story for HubPages?”

Doc dropped his pen. Picked it up, then got on his knees, and bowed before me.

“What are you doing?” I stared at him like he had grown a second head.

“I'm impressed,” he said as he sat back in his chair. “What has kept you sane?”

“I don't know,” I told him “...my faith in God and the power of prayer.”

It was his turn to be speechless.

He chicken scratched a prescription for me and told me to see him next month. I read the script.

NEED TO SEE THERAPIST
NEED NARCOTIC TO HELP WITH PAIN
NEED MORE PRAYER

The Trials of Being a Godly Woman in an Ungodly Time