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Did We Choose to Live a Lie?

Updated on April 20, 2014

I felt like you were mine
the first time we locked eyes.
This was before we exchanged
names and smiles.
It was even before I heard your voice.
I felt like we were born
to feel a bizarre
and didn't have a choice.
I was alright with that.

After an awkward
staring contest,
cheesy conversation,
and a shy kiss
you became my walking fantasy.

You could have been an evil person,
but I didn't care.
It was the first time
I felt my heart leave my chest
without going anywhere.

I didn't love you.
I didn't plan to.
I just wanted you for one reason.

The only word I can use
to describe our next few encounters
is "crazy".
I went crazy.
You went crazy.
The details are hazy
up to the point
you told me you had a lady.
That is where you should've
lost respect from me.
You didn't plan on telling me,
I had to ask.
And after all the things
we had already done,
I was in too deep.

By this time you could weaken my knees
I was willing to cave
I'm not sure who
was living in my body.

After the initial shock of finding out
about your girlfriend,
I wasn't mad,
I wasn't disappointed,
and for that
I was ashamed.
I wasn't put off by you.
I had never been that girl,
but you were the exception
not the rule.
You were the reality
not the truth.

Yet and still I focused
on building distance
between us.
It was only lust.
I didn't miss you at all,
I knew you wouldn't call,
and I hadn't lost anything.

How did we get here?

It's two months later.
We haven't spoken
or seen each other.
I should have walked out
the moment I noticed
you at the bar.
Instead, I ignored you
a failed attempt at being strong.

I avoided eye contact
like an idiot.
When you initiated
we locked eyes and
I was right back
in the same spot
I was in the night we met.

I don't know who I am right now.
My morals fade in and out
and I'm out of touch
with myself.

When I run,
you find me.
And I know you're waiting
for me to tell you
to leave her for me,
but I never will.
I don't trust you.
I couldn't ever trust you.

Now, if only I can teach myself
to be mad at you
and not feel that
the idea is hysterical.

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    • Ryem profile image

      Ryem 3 years ago from Maryland

      Thank you for commenting, teaches!

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 3 years ago

      This shows a response very common to those who have been betrayed. Trust is not easily restored once it has been broken.

    • Ryem profile image

      Ryem 3 years ago from Maryland

      Thank you, Gypsy!

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 3 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      A most captivating poem.

    • Ryem profile image

      Ryem 3 years ago from Maryland

      Hi Eric, thank you for stopping by!

      It's great to see you again, Jodah. Thank you : )

      Jeb, I really appreciate your comment. Thank you, I'm glad you liked the poem.

    • Jeb Bensing profile image

      Jeb Stuart Bensing 3 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      This poem, “Did We Choose to Live a Lie?” had captivated my attention from beginning to end. I have to admit, poems expressed in this type of genre are not really my forte, but the articulation that weaved throughout my mind had a magnetic hold on my consciousness. Ryem, you did a really great job with this expression of how lust can torment the mind.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Wow Ryem, you are the expert at writing poems about relationships. You capture the feelings and emotions to perfection. Voted up.

    • Eric Flynn profile image

      Eric Wayne Flynn 3 years ago from Providence, Rhode Island

      Been there, well captured...the poem that is.