Dying alone in godforsaken place by cancer

My heartbeats in my throat

My eyes burning,

My legs shaking,

My voice trembling,

My bones aching

and straining

under the weight of lives

that I wished to live.

Cold sweat rolling down ,

like torrents making ways

to the rough dried ground

where I am standing now destroyed.

Time ticking away,

making no trace back to

where I start to blossom

like a morning petal unrolling

to spread the fragrance.

Sun going down to nap

so early like a blushing nymph in a space,

waltzing with grace

giving the baton to

the darkness to enshroud

slowly over the world.

Is this the end ?

dying so young?

In this godforsaken horrible place

I am pale,

puppy-like figure,

Earth taste in my mouth

Flying remnants flashing in front of my eyes

Is this the end ?

I see no light filtering this gloom

Should I call a doctor

or should I give up ?

The time is up

I can no longer resist

Unknown little frozen monsters

gnarling my feet

I wish you were here by now

to hold my hands for the last time ,

and look me in the eyes before my sight blur

to assure me

`every thing shall be well

all matter of things shall be well`*

I wish you were here

to take my heart in both hands

and place it inside the warmth of your pockets

just for a moment.

Where are you?

All the birds has returned back to nests.

All the stars has awaken from a deep slumber

Is your car died in the road

or are you just rejoicing an other

after all my screws start to loosen.

I can` t call you

My hands so numb

The black curtain is falling down

to rest my hopes and end my chronic cancer pain.

Footnote:

*Julian of Norwich.