/Whois - Chapter 5 - The Art of Cybersex
Of course, in IRC, nobody realized how truly sexually repugnant I was. I was snobird...internet vixen extraordinaire, desired by men on an international level. Hah!
Okay, so maybe I exaggerate a wee bit. While I didn't exactly have men falling at my feet, they weren't trying to gnaw off their appendages to escape either. That was pretty much all the encouragement I needed. In real life, Jerry may have thought of me as a social cripple, but in the room of imagination there was nothing to hobble me.
Watching Kali and Kimbrr in action, flirting with men and spurning them with casual ease, I grew confident that I could do so as well, eventually. I knew a lot of words...
Still, it was a bit of a shocker to discover that I actually had an admirer.
His nickname was creatively, Male1. I never did bump into a Male2 or Male3...so I suppose he was actually the only Male, but who knows. He was from Melbourne, Australia, worked in the theater and had a love of Japanese culture. I figured, given the fact that he was on the other side of a very large chunk of rock, that there was no harm in a casual flirtation. It was no secret that I was married and considered myself content. Yep...I was naïve AND in denial.
Occasionally I would eschew the companionship of my friends and go off on my own. I had a little room called Snobird's Studio, where I was content for hours at a time playing with IRC content, designing toys that I thought might be a nice comical touch to our room in some unforeseen future. Without fail, Male1 would seek me out and join me in my little hideaway. Normally, I didn't mind...but occasionally he was a pest and I wished he would go and find somebody else to annoy.
One night, out of the blue, he asked..."So, have you tried cybering yet?"
*Snobird makes a face*
Snobird: No...and not interested
Male1: Don't tell me my little birdie is a prude! You like to write...don't you? That's all it is...writing. It's not like we're actually having sex. Or don't you think that you could write about it...? Is that it? Afraid that you'll be exposed as having no talent in that particular...area?
Okay, so he'd struck a really raw nerve on that one. Repugnant AND lacking in writing skills. Still, I took the moral high road and simply refused to gratify him with an answer. I kept working on my project...ignoring him.
*Male1 laughs at his proper little birdie*
Male1: How about if I just show you...and you only join in if you want?
I managed to ignore his text for about four and a half minutes...and then I simply sat back with my mouth hanging open. Understand, thanks to my husband, I was a hormonal lust bomb just waiting to explode and it seemed that Male1 was only too happy to be the one to light the fuse.
"Oh..." was all I could manage to utter. I yanked my hands away from the keyboard as if this was the sudden source of heat.
"Are you coming to bed anytime soon?" my husband asked from the doorway, jarring me from my thoughts. Guiltily, my hand leapt forward and minimized the screen. Shit...oh...crap. Now what do I do? Male1 is probably wondering where I've gone...why he's getting no reaction. He's probably really disgusted by now...and Jerry is waiting for an answer...
"Soon," I replied as cool as cucumber. "Kali was just telling me about her day and how she went out shopping with her neighbor and..."
"Just don't stay up all night," Jerry said, dismissing my explanation before I'd finished.
As soon as he'd left, I reopened the window to face what I was sure would be a diatribe about how thoughtless a creature I was...leaving a man hanging for some sort of response to his amorous advances. I was totally unprepared for what I did see. Male1 had been having a really good time...needing about as much input from me as he would an inflatable partner. A part of me was deeply offended by this...but also relieved that my participation had not been required after all.
"My first cybersex experience," I muttered lighting a cigarette, "and I pretty much missed it all."
I was confused. For something that was ludicrous beyond compare and made me want to throw up, I think I actually liked it. There was only one thing to be done...
Snobird: Okay...so I did it.
Kali: Really? With who?
Kimbrr: About time! Who was it?
*Snobird shuffles in embarrassment*
Kali: Ooooh! He's good.
Kimbrr: Yep...if I had to pick somebody for you...it would have been him. He's very good.
Snobird: Umm...you mean...both of you...err...and Male1?
I guess I should have felt a bit icky about that. But to be honest, I didn't. In a way, it was a relief of sorts to know that he came highly recommended.
Kimbrr: I know he really likes you, sno. A lot. He's been asking a lot about you. I've known him a long time and he's a really great guy. You are very lucky...
Snobird: Yeah right. I'm married...and he knows that. It's not like that at all...and besides, it's not like I'm going to make a habit of this cyber stuff.
Oh...but I did. And in all honesty, my writing skills improved immensely. To start, I drew from all the women's "romance" novels I'd read when I was younger and by the time all was said and done, I probably could have written a few.
In my zeal to become the best author of IRC smut, I overlooked one teeny tiny little thing. Male1. I didn't realize that he was one of those people that Obiwan cautioned me about. Perhaps I suspected he was lonely...but I didn't realize he was disturbed and working up a good obsession to boot.
But that was still a ways off in the future and of no concern to me at this particular moment. Kali and Kimbrr took charge of my education and were only too eager to teach me the ropes.
Kimbrr: C'mon Sno...we're off to #sex.
Snobird: Oh god...do we have to? That place is disgusting.
Kimbrr: How will you know good cyber...unless you see bad cyber first?
Snobird: Okay...but I'm not going in as snobird....
Kali: Well of course not hon...we never go in as ourselves.
And so, without further ado, Hotlegs, XXXPleasure and Snokitten went into #sex. I'll leave you to figure out which one was me...
I learned a lot in those first few hours. One, I never wanted to come to this channel ever again. And two, there IS a big difference between good cybersex and cybersex that makes you want to become an IRC nun. The best way to show you the difference is by example...
BAD CYBERSEX -
Pervert: First, I kiss your neck...like so.
Pervert: And then I unbutton your blouse...like so.
Of course during this whole episode I'm cutting and pasting the entire dialog to Kali and Kimbrr. Why should I have to suffer this alone? They are very supportive friends...when they stop laughing long enough to type.
GOOD CYBERSEX -
*Pervert gently lifts snokitten's silky tresses from her swanlike neck. He leans in to inhale her sensual fragrance, exhaling softly in her ear before brushing his lips tenderly upon her velvety skin*
Now you understand...
Cybersex should be like reading a smutty little bodice-ripping romance novel...well at least for women. It's merely an added benefit that it happens to be an interactive novel, thanks to IRC.
The only thing missing from the bad cybersex example was the line, "insert tab "A" into slot "B"...like so." Perhaps some men enjoy having a sexual encounter with all the emotional depth of a how-to manual. Fortunately, not all of them did.
Is it wrong? I've heard arguments for both sides. Clearly, if you are a single consenting adult, there should be no issue. It's a personal choice and a private behavior.
Can it be considered cheating if you are married? Again...I've received different opinions. A part of me did feel guilty for indulging in this behavior, but it seemed harmless. It wasn't as if I was physically participating...it was only in my head.