Why Everyone Deserves an "A"

Everyone deserves an “A” because everyone is entitled to a free, appropriate education for as long as they want. Even if they don’t want it, we will still give it to them. We will also give them free lunch, free books, a free ride, a free calculator, a free home, a free cell phone, and a free computer; we will give them all kinds of free things because that’s what we want them to think- everything in life is free. If you don’t have the money for something, someone with money will buy it for you- we will make them pay for it. We will make them work hard so you don’t have to.

Everyone deserves an “A” because we’ve passed them along and socially promoted them this long, why give up now? We’re not quitters!

Everyone deserves an “A” because they are too big to fail. We can’t leave anyone behind. That’s how the real world works- you don’t have to work hard. Working hard is for losers. The real winners take advantage of what’s available to them. Survival of the fittest must be taught and emphasized-Classes on how to lie, cheat, and steal to survive will be implemented- things we actually use every day, (unlike grammar, vocabulary, and literature studies in English classes- those are all archaic).

Everyone deserves an “A” because we want to raise children to become contributing members of society so that can take on our massive amount of debt we are accumulating for them. We want them to be burdened as much, or more than our generation has been.

Everyone deserves an “A” because we put too much pressure on them- they can’t possibly remember to write their name on their papers, they shouldn’t have to take work home, they can’t read or write; they shouldn’t have to learn anything that a computer can do for them.

Everyone deserves an “A” because teachers will never assign zeroes for incomplete work or no attempt; teachers will not deduct points for mistakes or late work; students can turn in work whenever they want; deadlines will be obsolete; no one will be placed in an honors level or higher classes. ALL classes will be college- preparatory because ALL students will go to college.

If everyone receives an “A”, then we will finally have the answer to re-structuring low performing schools; we will close the achievement gap among all socioeconomic backgrounds. Teachers will finally have a sinecure job. We won’t need to worry about drugs and alcohol in schools; we won’t have to worry about bullying; we won’t have to worry about our safety or the safety of others; no student will ever have the stigma of being held back or “failing”. We can just erase the letter “F” from our alphabet. They erased the letter “F” from the Spanish alphabet and that’s why all children who learn English as a second language pass classes in America. Everyone will finally treat each other as equals- because they will all be on the honor roll.

If everyone receives an “A”, the profession of teaching will once again be on the same echelon as doctors, plastic surgeons, lawyers, cab drivers, bartenders, and other highly paid jobs. We can stop pointing the finger at each other and stop playing the blame game. Students will once again take pride in their schools; they will respect their teachers, love their families, and want to help others achieve an “A” just like them.

If everyone receives an “A”, teachers can stop worrying about the future of our youth, teachers won’t have to teach to the test; school districts won’t need to worry about the annual report card; all schools will make “A’s” too; there will not be any school choice since all schools will be excellent. Teachers won’t have to make sure they are covering each standard; they will be able to work on individual goals each student needs. Students will no longer need a trail of paper and teachers won’t have to attend meetings after meetings to accommodate, modify, or differentiate concepts students don’t need to learn anyways.

We will make sure we find the best, most highly qualified teachers who will give the student what they truly deserve, an “A”.